Should we be constantly reminded of our past transgressions?

[Pan]

What does everyone think?

For me it reminds me of the past transgressions I would really rather forget and can't. I feel it has had a major impact on my marriage when my husband won't forget and brings those transgressions into normal conversation. I then ask myself if he has forgiven.

[gyco]

Should we be constantly reminded of our past transgressions?

hi pan forgiveness is within yourself,remember the other side waits for a mistake,i beleive its as hard on them as it is on us,they just dont get the hangover,one of the 1st things i lerned in sobriety in rehab was ME,its all about my actions i do so hope im helping you have a good day gyco

[mario]

Should we be constantly reminded of our past transgressions?

forgiven is not forgetting,nor is it a promise to forget,you can never forget being hurt,if you forgot you couldent forgive,as gyco says panicked forgive yourself first,

[hippie37]

Should we be constantly reminded of our past transgressions?

Hi Pan. What other people think about you or whether they have or have not forgiven you is really not the issue here. As it's been said by both Gyco and mario, this is about your journey though life and your healing from your past transgressions. I can be a chronic people pleaser at times so I know how hard it is to move away from that place of concern for what other people think of me. I would like it if the whole world was in love with me and didn't say a bad word against me! There are always going to be people in this life that don't see eye to eye with me or may have different views other than my own that may cause them to dislike me. That is none of my concern at the end of the day. If they wish to hold resentments against me then that is their problem not mine. Again I understand how hard it is because my self confidence was at an all time low and my self loathing was at an all time high. I could not begin to even forgive myself whilst I was still concerned with how other people perceived me. I had to move away from this idea before I could truly start to make progress and forgive myself for the wrongs I had done.

There was also a big part of me that didn't want to let go of this self pity and I wanted to wallow in my past because that's what got me attention and that feeling of being liked and loved. It was so self defeating in the long run, but I had become so accustomed to manipulating people in this way that it had become almost second nature for me to do it. I didn't even know I was doing it to be honest, that's how deeply it ran with me.

As you know I am in fellowship and look outside of myself to heal what's inside of me. It was said to me a while back when I too was struggling to make some amends for my past that if God had forgiven me for my past then why was I being so self righteous that I could I not forgive myself? Did I think I was better than God? This made me a bit more humbled in my approach and I started to move forward, away from this self pitying defeatist attitude I had had all my life.

You just have to have more faith in yourself that you are not a bad person at heart and that these past transgressions where born out of that self-obsessed and self-centered attitude we as alcoholics all have. We are not bad people Pan, you or I. We just lost our way and the only way to get back on the path is to truly forgive yourself and realise that people will love you for who you are warts and all, if you let them. I hope you find some peace my friend.

Love and Light
Phil
xx