I don't think that I can do it anymore.

[eustacia]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Iia--

You, Angel, me? How can it be that so many people feel so stuck in bad marriages? Is there something that we aren't seeing?

E

[iia67]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Guilt

For me...its guilt. First off I am catholic, but even if I did get a divorce and the church no longer accepted me...I would feel too guilty leaving my children alone wth my wife. She does not mistreat them in anyway, but she doesn't really interact with them. She expects them to play with their toys or wacth their movies, etc rather than interacting wih them. I just can't leave them. I may be a drunk, but I am very responsible and highly functional one ! I know I am the rock for my kids and when they are older...who knows ?

[Ivygoodluck]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

this is not good for the kids

Hi,

I feel obligated to point out that the kids suffer when the parents marriage is bad. They grow up learning that ridicule, nastiness and abuse are normal. You are not doing your kids any favors by staying in a bad relationship. If your partner is a decent parent, you can arrange plenty of visitation and even joint custody. I have seen kids grow up very dysfunctional because of the parents bad relationship. Boys who don't know how to be respectful to women. Girls who are frightened of men or who are domineering to the point that no one will marry them. I personallly know two of these. They were formed by the marriage they saw every day, their parents'

Children will benefit from happier parents who are apart.


I wish all three of you the best. You need to get out and so do your kids.

Ivy

[happycamper68]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

I agree, I thought the generation who stayed together for the kids was over but I understand why that may need to happen under certain circumstances, especially financially.

Eustacia, you don't seem to give any real answers for staying. I know you say you aren't well yet you also say you earn more than him and look 15 years younger than you do and are quite beautiful by other people's standards. Are you able you say what exactly is physically wrong with you? If you don't want to that is ok too. Do you need his insurance really? This I don't really understand.

There is also this class issue you brought up on another thread. You brought up the employees in your building but you have no idea what their lives are like just like they don't know what yours is other than I am sure they are jealous.

I am from NYC and know where you live. It is ludicrously beautiful as I am I sure you are you know and you live a live of privelege. Do you feel like you want to stay there or do you want to want to stay there and sacrifice certain things (aka distant hubby)and move on ? I know I may be ticking you off right now but you always seem to have an answer for everything, and that answer always keeps you right where you smack where you are and you are too young to give up your life for that.

Didn't mean to come down hard on you if it came out that way.

[eustacia]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Happy--

You didn't tick me off in the least. During the last wine blurred (but now sober:thumbs: ) week, did I truly post where I live? Yikes! Also, if I said anything about my looks other than appearing younger than my years--a bit of a problem when people who don't know my true age expect me to have a lot more energy than I, in fact, possess--that was quite inappropriate, and I ashamedly apologize.

About my seeming to have an answer for everything: I don't really have too many answers. If I did, I wouldn't be in this mess. Sometimes I try to deepen discussions (not just here) by elaborating on things. I hope that it didn't come off as pomposity or help rejecting complaining. I truly apologize to EVERYONE if it did or if I caused anyone discomfort of any kind!

Most sincerely, Eustacia

[eustacia]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

I've given more thought to some of the comments my statements about my own life have provoked than when I answered Happy's post. My guess is that I was way too open about myself far too soon. For me, the major "active ingredient" of this program was the perception of community support. Of course, the CDs and supplements have also been valuable but the main thing for me was that I didn't want to have to travel the path of moderating my drinking alone. Also, I will state unabashedly that I had hoped to be liked by my fellow travelers. I would never go into a group situation hoping to be liked by everyone but I think that I've become such a lightening rod for the projection of weakness or indecision--a situation that I was unthinkingly complicit in setting into motion--that I had better think twice about continuing to post things on this forum .

Perhaps it is now time for me to leave and, as indicated above, to leave out of reasons that are purely self-protective and selfish. This is not a plea for mercy or an effort to get people to ask me to stay. I just don't feel that I started off on the right foot and my words have come to haunt me. I would welcome staying in contact with anyone who wishes to write to email me.

Best, Eustacia

[eustacia]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

P.S. I feel that I am experiencing here some of the same kind of problems that characterize my relationship with my husband, and there is no way that that is everyone's fault but mine.

[YoungAtHeart]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Hey Eustacia!

I like you, my dear! And we are "of an age", meaning close in age--only a few years separate us! I am jealous tha you look 15 years younger though!:H But I never thought you were bragging.

The only problem with your being so honest is that it will bring out the honesty in others, so sometimes you might get feedback that is a little hard to swallow! I think that many of us have gotten some of that here on MWO, not just you.

Please don't think that people don't support you. I have been very moved by your posts and your honesty, although I do agree with the others about your leaving. There may be a way out of your marriage that you haven't considered. I hope that you will think about consulting a lawyer if you haven't already. Given your health concerns there may be options, including staying on your husband's health insurance. A lawyer can guide you as to what you are entitled to in your state.

I also think that there is a profound mind/body connection, and if you are free of the constant verbal and psychological abuse, you might find that some of your physical complaints improve. I've seen it happen.

Also, to Angel, mind Eustacia's and Ivy's words. They are wise. You don't want to find yourself in 20 years saying, "Why the heck didn't I leave back then??" You deserve to at least think this through. I am divorced, and my daughter is fine. She is very disappointed with her father, but I think she would have felt that way even if he was with us. Although the divorce was very difficult and not what I thought I wanted at the time, I am sure at this point that I am much better off now than if I had stayed married.

If you take care of yourself, the children will learn that taking care of yourself and self-respect are important things!

Blessings to all of you.
Kathy:l

[mojomuppet]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

e dont waste you life on a man you dont want to be with anymore.i dont know what you health issue is but i do know this happy people have less things wrong with them.stress does terrible thngs to the body.you can do this if you want.it takes a lot of courage but when you get ready go go go and dont look back.

[eustacia]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

I posted on chat last night that my husband and I had made some progress in allowing for more separation in our lives for as long as we need it without going through a divorce. He doesn't want me to leave and I don't want to lose custody of our young child.

I decided to post again to clear up the idea that divorce in the United States is always fair or straightforward.

A woman, a friend of a friend, was ordered to pay her husband one million dollars each year that he lives because she earned the lion's share of the income. It didn't matter that she sought a divorce because he was having an affair with one of her employees.

My consultations with matrimonial attorneys have always ended with a warning such as this: "your husband is a deeply respected jurist. You have not been the primary caregiver in your marriage. There is no concrete indication that your husband is in any way an inadequate parent. You can fight for custody but you had better be prepared to lose. I wish that I could offer you other advice."

Life is complicated.

[mojomuppet]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

that makes me just want to cry.e i will tell you this when i got divorced from my hannahs father she stayed with him because she was a daddys girl. one of the harest things i have ever done.but we where horrible to each other after just a few years of marrige. im not one to take abuse of any kind and fight back with vengence. some of you know this about me.if you are willing to stay because of you child kudos to you.you must be a better person than me,for i could not do it.

my daughter is now 17 makes good grades is going to college next year.loves her parents dearly and can see why we could not stay together.she stays with me in the summer and her dad during school.it worked out great for everyone. just a thought i know these things dont always work out but it did for us and i thought i would share this with you:l

[happycamper68]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Hi E,

Sorry again if I was harsh, I really didn't mean to be. Is there any way for you to change your job situation so you can be more of the primary caregiver so that you are the one who is home when they get home from school? I just had to do that very thing (for a different reason) with my daughter and my company was open to it. Just a thought. :l

[YoungAtHeart]

I don't think that I can do it anymore.

Thanks for sharing more of the story, Eustacia. It clarifies a lot, and it makes it so much easier to support you in your choices! I'm glad that you and your husband are able to work out an arrangement where there is more space for you. We are all here for you, and we will try to help you to feel better about yourself.

Hugs,
Kathy:l