Life is not so good right now.

[here2change]

I visited this forum about six months ago. I've tried everything... antabuse (cheated), naltrexone ( one dose 25mg in bed for two days with panic attacks ) baclofen ( so tired i cant function) tofernil ( almost went crazy) . Im ready to try again. Thinking compounding naltrexone to build up toleronce. Im just so tired of things getting worse! I need a support system. Ive been positive on every attempt to be sober but now im tired. ive kind of given up. I feel so alone. No one has any idea of my pain. They assume in my profession this is normal ( medical). But this is not. My anxiety is not controled without alcohol. Ive read these posts for awhile. I saw someone write i fi could only change my career, my ......but I cant. I support my family, i cant change the stressors, only how i deal with them, and more come at me every day. I think i can change, but for now im twice as bad off as i was six months ago.

[brittzak]

Life is not so good right now.

Here2...I too am in the medical field. I have been to the very edge of the end. I know your anxiety is real, but drinking actually makes it worse. If you could get a few good days under your belt you will nderstand what I mean. You have to go through the break-up pains when you decide AL is no longer welcome in your life. It is rough at first, but I promise you it does get much better.

[AMELIA]

Life is not so good right now.

Here2change,
I am glad you came back. Get yourself involved in the threads, ask for support when you need it.
I agree with Brittzak, al does compound the stress/anxiety we feel.
Could you try the Bac again (good for anxiety), but titrate up very slowly?

[here2change]

Life is not so good right now.

I know al compounds anxiety and stress. My Dad used to have a saying...there's no problem alcohol cant make worse. However its hard to break the cycle, its a nightly ritual. Last week i did take an antabuse (1/4) tablet so i would'nt drink for a few days. I obviously felt extremely tired as i detoxed. I just really am so scared of trying to get sober anymore because i never get very far and every time I fail my self esteem takes a dive. I start wondering if im just alot worse off than others.
Thanks for your replies and yes I do think Baclofen would be a good choice because of its anti-anxiety effects. I have had a plan together I just havent implemented it. I was going to take another antabuse just to stop the drinking. Then go back on baclofen and also naltrexone. Compounding the naltrexone slowly to build tolerence, I actually prescribe low dose naltrexone alot for pts and have myself taken it for extended periods. Just getting to a dose over 7mg without having anxiety will be the key. I was until four months ago still competing in races but things spirled down so fast. I plan to start training again this weekend. Working out used to always make me feel better.

[here2change]

Life is not so good right now.

Well, drank tonight like normal. I love my husband more than anything but i swear he has no idea. I live on the other side of the country as my family and have only his support. His family which i thought would be my family is so judgemental. They have there share of problems ( and more) but they nit pick everything about everyone ( thats not related). My family is not without judgement but its just not as verbal (not even close). My husbands family just communicates with negativity. Tonight there behavior just feels very harsh because i have supported alot of them and try to help them as much as possible finacially as i can but in a small southern town family sticks together and everyone else is fair game. The girls are relentless. There is no positive found in anyone. I really need people that dont judge me on how much i clean, the food i cook, what a child may say. I'm a good wife. I work, cook when i can, clean and even have a housekeeper to help. love our kids, and do everything i can to give us a good life. Im just saying this because i need a support system and dont have one. im in this community for life, dedecated to my husband but very alone. I relate to ya'll and hope to find a commen ground here to have a non judgemental support system. His family doesnt know i drink to much, they just like to throw stones and i dont have a hard shell. My whole family is successful and doesnt deal with this problem, although i suspect my dad has at times just controlled it. I have a twin sister that i have talked to while drinking (she called me for advice, i was pretty loaded) she hasnt spoke to me since. My older sister would understand but who wants to admit they have a problem? Its so imbarssing, how did things get like this? Enough rambling...thanks for sharing your stories, i find them inspiring.

[Guest]

Life is not so good right now.

Hi here2change. I understand what you are saying...nobody wants to admit they have a problem...but you say your older sister would understand...maybe you should reach out to her as well as the wonderful people here. I've started on antabuse so many times and didn't follow through...took a half a pill to not drink for three days...sometimes it was ok...and sometimes I got really red and my heart was beating so fast. I took one pill on Thursday and this morning was already Googling how soon I might be able to have a drink without adverse effects...sad. I tell myself I'll quit after the holidays...but I've been saying that for way too many years now. Best of luck to you.

[savon19]

Life is not so good right now.

The irony with alcohol is that we use it to lessen anxiety - which it may do for a short while... but then it leaves us MORE anxious than ever!!

I don't know how much/how often you've been drinking, but try setting a goal - maybe just 4 days to start. Then set goal of 1 week. You might be surprised at how Less anxious you become...

Good luck.

[here2change]

Life is not so good right now.

Yeah, I do the same thing with antabuse. i do well for two days...start calculating...250mg/4(half dose) /12 hours...ect.....It is really sad. I usually make it three or four days but in the long run it hasn't helped. It can give you that immediate break you need though. I started trying to get help five years ago. Then i only drank 3/4 a bottle of wine every other night, now its a bottle every night. Ive always had anxiety but it wasnt until a major ordeal at work that the drinking became a problem. Once i was in the anxiety mode.....i never came out. Today im trying to focus on the fact i still have a job, a wonderful husband, two great kids ( although being slightly neglected) and for the most part my health. Thats all i can do right now.