Conflict

[mel09]

I think that an unhealthy part of me, during my addiction, may have once thrived on conflict, but now I hate hate hate it, and count it as a big 'trigger' for me. I'm 2 months sober right now, going good I guess but still not really out of the woods as yet. With Christmas coming up, I'm starting to feel uneasy, I don't necessarily feel tempted to drink because it's the season. Just that things haven't been great with my family at times this year (it's so-so at the moment) and I know how Christmas can bring tensions and some strong emotions out of the woodwork.

I'm planning to try and keep things calm and low key but it's difficult to always control what's happening and sometimes there's just no telling.

Any suggestions or advice how to avoid or deal with this?

[startingover]

Conflict

Hi there Me,many many congratulations on two months sober, thats a fantastic achievment and good grounding to approach any tricky situations this season.
I have learned that the only person I can control is me. I have not a hope in hell of controlling anyone else so I try my hardest not to even go there. That will help me hopefully stay out of the firing line of any conflict. So if you can manage to keep calm yourself I would imagine that that would go some way to everyone else following suit?
Good luck though, I really hope you have a peaceful Christmas.....

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Conflict

Hi Mel, I think families can be stressful for many people at this time of the year and being aware of it in advance is a help in heading off those feelings. The only advice I can offer is to say that try to remember it is only for a short time that you are in each others company and I imagine nobody wants conflict, especially over Christmas. Also bear in mind that we only have one family and our world would surely be an emptier place without them. I try an keep things in perspective, lets say you have had a disagreement and not getting on, well imagine something life threatening suddenly happens to that person, say a car crash, (God forbid) but I imagine the petty squables would soon be put aside. Good luck.

[Marshy]

Conflict

Hi Mel,

I just survived a pre-Christmas week with family - and managed to side-step any conflict. (There was conflict, I just didn't get involved :H). The biggest single factor for me was not drinking. And I'd agree with Startingover - focus on staying calm (and of course the not drinking helps with that).

Apart from that, I'd suggest:
Getting out of the house if things start to get too much. Go for a walk (and round everyone else up to go for a walk), or remove yourself from the room if things start kicking off. But don't flounce off, just slip away to the kitchen/bathroom/bedroom for 10 minutes
Deep breaths, count to ten, try to change the subject, ignore
A few minutes of early morning meditation or just sitting calmly by yourself can help
If you're getting lumbered with all the cooking/washing up, ask people to help before it gets on top of you.
Remind yourself how crap you'll feel if you do get involved in arguments
Oh, and come on here and VENT - you won't be the only one going through the same thing!

[mel09]

Conflict

I've sometimes read that it can be a common trait for addicts to want to have 'control' over everything, if one little thing goes wrong, trouble... reason to drink. I was kind of like that.

Some parts of Christmas I like and I am trying to focus on that, some parts are aggravating but I will work on accepting them. I know there are people who are entirely alone at Christmas. Last year I was on my own and ended up having to go for a lunch at church to have some company.

Helpful points from everyone, thanks.