30 days ???

[cowgal]

30 days ???

no way!!

I will DEFINITELY be flying, driving to Duluth GA for a concert the end of Feb..................

cannot wait for either!!!:l

xoxoxo we are going to have a balll!!! In fact I will call TIT on my to work in a min..............have her start planning it!!!

MA

[toughintexas]

30 days ???

You guys are all welcome here anytime! I wish you were here now, hubby has been here over 2 wks., and I had to drop him at the airport, and I'm hating it right now, it always sucks the day he leaves. I'm here with the dogs, we wanted to spend the max time together, so he had a round trip ticket. I'm going home on the 23rd for a week, I'm staying to try to get alot of the compouding pharmacy business here, we've decided to make a push to move here, he has to get his Rph license here tho. This is just where we really want to be, have so many things to do and so many friends here in town, its just a better quality of life here, if you gotta work, you might as well like where you work and live. It'll happen somehow. I haven't been on in forever. I know More2 told ya'll I had to go back home at Thanksgiving because my oldest dearest friends that are like folks to me, he'd been to John Hopkins with me, and had surgery too 5.5 yrs ago, he went for his 5 yr. ck-up like I did, and was fine, but he had...in 6 mos time from last CAT scan, liver and pancreatic cancer, made it 6 wks., it was horrible to see, watch and deal with. They've been together 66 yrs., since they were kids, he was playing golf and still working as a Rph when I left, before the diagnosis, I couldn't believe how quick it took him, and the grief my friend is suffering is terrible. BUT, that's not all, my other good friend, who's Dad started the pharmaceutical company I worked for, that allowed me to meet my other friend who just passed away, and hubby, we've all travelved the world together, well, she and her hubby had been to our house to take my hubby some food, and presents, etc., and she was on her way to visit my friend in hospice, and they called her and told her her Dad had just died....amazing, I called him Dad too, he loaned me the down payment for my house when I was a single Mom....THEN, (I know this is just so crazy, but true), another friend that is a Rph, and withing the same original group, her hubby dies the very next Friday! So my good friend like my Dad, and my friends Dad within 8 hrs of each other, and hers the next week on Friday, he taught me how to play golf, known them for 22 yrs too. I just felt like I'd been hit by a truck, and I couldn't take anymore, I had a ticket back to CO., and couldn't be at 2 funerals in 2 different towns on the sameday, so I hauled ass outta there. I don't need a funeral to remember them by, and I'd had too much. I needed to get Christmas handled, and hadn't had a chance, I'd taken care of my friend until we just had to take him to the hospice hospital. I did really well, in spite of still not having any contact with my family, or kids, nada still, and saw their pics at my Mom's on my cousins website, which hurt like hell, I went to look at his new baby, it was his Dad, my fav Uncle, that died when Mary Anne and I were on the way home from Houston during the hurricane, anyway, there's my kids and whole family all sucked up, and nobody ever even calls me. I stood my ground and no calls or presents this year. I got the worst ever note from my son when I just left him a message in Nov. for his birthday, which I shouldn't have done anyway, so daughters was 10 dys later, and I didn't take a chance. He seriously told his own Mother to go f--k herself, plus some other nice things, and he has no room to talk. We had a really nice holiday with friends here, and I was ok, til New Years. It just all crashed down on me, I just can't face another year like this past one. I can't imagine another year without seeing my daughter, right or wrong. I can't loose anyone else. I hate being here alone right now, but at least I'm not in the house where I got assaulted this time last year by myself all day, I actually see hubby more here, when we're there, he is only around at night, but I miss him not being here, I do have more things to keep me busy, and more friends to go do things with here, and I'm not 40 mins one way to even go out to lunch. Things here are so close, and I have neighbors, otherwise I'm isolated in Texas where we live. I have so many things to be thankful for, I feel so awful for my friend that has lost her lifetime partner, and my friend that's lost her Dad, and my friend that lost her hubby after 27 yrs., and she's my age. I'm just not taking it all very well, we have so much to sell and do to have us and our business here, and I hate us having to spend so much time apart, but its so far to drive back with the dogs, and my friend wants me to come stay at her house, which is an hour and a half away, and then I have to leave the dogs, one is a pup, home with someone to just let them out, and still don't see hubby much, she needs me I know, but logistically, its a problem too. I'm drinking way to much too, and know what I have to do to stop it, but just can't seem to wrap my head around doing it, but HAVE TO! I have been working out at the athletic club, and feel so much better when I do, and have met so many folks there also, its a great community, they have tons of free classes and things to be involved in, healthy things, they even have a restaurant, so I can work-out and have a snack with other folks around. I know how to pull myself up, but I feel so down, and drinking isn't exactly a mood elevator. I'm not as bad as when I got here, but, I'm not doing well at all. I'm trying hard today to just taper off, and I know if I do, and just take it slow tapering off, not cold turkey, I'll feel better, and when I feel better, I want to keep feeling better, so its easier. I'm just so pissed that I go along and do so well, then crash, I'm sick of the drill, and want to not fight this damn battle this year....again! I want and wish that I could "fix" my kids and our relationship, and know I can't. I want to be a healthy, fit, happy person, glowing from the inside, not abuse the temple that is my body of Christ, have God happy with me too, and just go walk right up to my daughter and have her know by how I look and act, that I'm a-ok, and will love me again. Son may be too far into his own stuff. I want to be ok, no matter what else happens, or how I'm received. I just need to get a grip. Everytime I'm just about there, some tragedy throws me in the ditch, and I let it. Ever notice how you are right there about to handle it, and something womps ya upside the head....lol..... Sorry to drag on and on, just had to tell ya'll, and get it outta my system! All advice greatly appreciated, prayers mainly! Love you all....Where's Bird, and anybody heard from Nibs? Cowgal hang in there, maybe it'll be over faster than you think! LUV, can't believe Brit is 16. More2, I told ya you'd survive son being at college....lol.....funny how fast ya get used to having the house to yourself, esp., when they can come home, or you can see them if ya get to missing them too much, I wish I had that option. Hubby's kids have been really great tho, so at least I have that. Its snowing here, its really pretty, but it makes me miss hubby, he loves to shovel snow....lol.....go figure! Sorry to be a drag, I'll pull it together somehow! Love you all tons, it was times like this, I'd call Bear.....I keep losing folks. I have to tell ya too, that having my friend have a recurrence of cancer, scares the hell outta me too...can't help but have your butt pucker a bit over it, but I'm such an idiot, I'll worry about cancer, and die of liver failure. I'm such a idiot!

[more2life]

30 days ???

Well Hells Bells look who finally showed up....Nice to see ya TIT!

[cowgal]

30 days ???

Hey!!!

Was nice talking to u tonight sweetie!!!!! Nice to see u posting again too!!! Wish I could go to CO right now, want t run away so badly right now!!!!

Welcome back, you've had a hell of a year girlie!!! Just glad u r ok!!

Love you!!!! xoxoxo:h

MA

[toughintexas]

30 days ???

Thanks for the calls Cowgal ad More2, love ya'll, ya know me, I'll be fine, just a bit of a slip! We'll do Colorado in May!

[cowgal]

30 days ???

Love u!!!

TIT, you are so welcome!! It was a joy to talk to u!!! Love you gal!! Very much looking forward to the big ole divorce party!!! Will make it, can u believe I finally got the strength up to do it??? After years and years of you all's advice but me being too insecure??!!! I feel reborn at 46!!!

Love you guys for that!:h:l

MA

[toughintexas]

30 days ???

I am very proud of you MA, you'll be soooo much better off, take sometime to just be good to you, don't jump into anything for awhile!! Have fun and enjoy being single! I am slugging supp's today, and determined not to drink, I will be so proud of myself if I make it, and I'm just going to be easy on myself today, do the laundry, and clean up after the holidays, can't do much of that when hubby is here, he wants to go, go, go! So I'm catching up, playing with the bulldogs, and gonna take a long jacuzzi bath, wash my sheets so they are yummy at bedtime, and watch silly soaps in betw. it all. Looking forward to watching the Bachelor from Dallas tonight....its goofy, but it keeps your mind off other things. If I go AF today, it'll be the first time in quite sometime, I know I'll feel soooo much stronger and better tomorrow, and tomorrow, I'll hit the gym for some quality work-out time, hangover free! Pray for me!!!! I sure wish Nibs and Bird and some of the others would check in for the year! I guess I'll e-mail them, see if I can flush 'em out that way! Love you all.

[cowgal]

30 days ???

me too!

I miss Nibs and bird dearly!! maybe I will call her(bird) on my way to work...............she was doing really well last I heard..............love you TIT, am finding/found myself over the past few months, this has been a long time in the making, u know that of all people...........our visit in Houston and all................I want just to have fun now for a while..........and it feels good to be free, and YES, I feel proud for finally doing it!!!

love ya!!! :l:h:l:h:l

MA

[bird]

30 days ???

Hi all
Things goin good here. MA looks like you are finally out of all that shit huh? Good for you..Tex you might wanna try antabuse. Its kinda annoying and you always end up cleaning the house when something happens that would usually turn you to the bottle. Always end up cussing the damn antabuse but am glad next morning was not able to drink. Hopefully one day I can stop taking it. Let me know if you are all having some sort of meet up..maybe I can come...later on ....love bird

[cowgal]

30 days ???

Yay!!!!!!

Bird!!!! I forgot, but was gonna call u cuz we hadn't heard from u for a while, lost all my hens thx to asshole, working nights, leave before they go in and roost, asked him to close coop, didn't so they were fox, raccoon food..... Oh well, won't be able to take to an appt anyway........ Life is really going to change, getting scared, thanks jfor always being here guys for this big baby!!! Taking baby steps away from the sucky situation finally tho......

XO

MA

[brittzak]

30 days ???

TIT...ya know losing loved ones is what sent me in to my spiral downward. PLEASE do not take this wrong, but listen to what I am saying. Death is a part of life. We are ALL going to die...if we live to our 70-80's we will lose many people in our life time. BUT, what we are losing is their shell. Their spirit and souls touch ours forever. I also know you believe in God....honey, this is a time of passing. A mere few years we do not have their physical bodies, because we will be together again and that is FOREVER! You need to hand all this over to God and move past that bottle. There is NOTHING but heartache in it. You have had a REAL crappy year. Alot of lose at one time. I know I would have done the same thing, but from someone that dove head first....trust me, it will be ok. If I can hold my head up...you can too. We are Texas girls!!!! I know you are hurting because of your children right now too. You need to work on you for awhile, then maybe that will come around for you too. Pray about it...give that to God too. He will listen and he will help you. If he was willing to hear my prayers after all I did the year Billy died...WHEW...he will hear anyone's. I love you. AND Bear would say "time to suck it up girl. There aint nothing in that bottle".

[toughintexas]

30 days ???

Luv, you are so right! I just let it all get to me, happening at the holidays, I really did good til New Years Day, just don't want another year like last year, BUT, good things did happen, having this place in CO., and having More2 come visit me, now we've got to hook up in 2 states....and ya'll can all come here this Spring. I can hear our Bear in the Air. I have done great all day, not even much craving, trying for that first AF day....I started to get real antsy awhile ago, and I took a sip of hubby's red wine, took another sip, got pissed at mysel, poured it out, got milk! It didn't even taste good, its not my poison, but if I were really desperate, hell I'd drink whatever....so I did have a weak moment, but poured it out, so I guess I'm still basically one day AF, I didn't finish it right? I feel ok too, and proud that I poured it out, so there ya Beast, almost got me, I didn't let ya! I will be even better tomorrow....having an empty house for the first time in nearly 2.5 wks was kinda sad. I have lots on my plate tomorrow, so I'll be even better. I want to feel good from now on, and go back to TX in 3 wks with a smile on my face, feeling awesome, and proud of myself. Love you all! Bird, get getting a message back from you this afternoon, and seeing ya post! Haven't heard back from Nibs yet, I e-mailed her too. Night all! Someone get the lights and lock the doors!

[bird]

30 days ???

Part of it is our age too. Seems like people I know dying left and right. The older we get the worse it will get. Seems like all the ones in poor health dont see 60. Remember back in your 20s you may have known 1 or 2 people who had died. Well ,we all gotta do it..

[more2life]

30 days ???

Hi Bird,

Great to see you. Are you still AF? How are the girls. We miss you around here.

Britt- Sorry you had tough day yesterday. Today will be better.

Today is fairly full. All fun stuff like getting my hair and nails done before our trip to Hawaill. I had to go shopping for new shorts yesterday. It appears I have outgrown my shorts from last summer. Not a good thing! Oh well, I'll just have to deal with it when I get home.

I'm off to the gym and and then a rousing game of tennis with my 70 year old girlfriends. Don't laugh, they can run my butt off!!

Love you all.

M2

[brittzak]

30 days ???

I have to laugh! God they'd kill me too. That is great though.

Bird, it is our age. My husbands Nana died at 97. She told me she was so ready to die...everyone she grew-up with was dead but her. I dont think I care to live that long myself.