angel3786

[mojomuppet]

:durn: :durn: :durn:
if you had any idea how mad i am right now.you husband is nothing but a bullying punk(had to talke out the word i put there first lol).how horrible this must be for you.get you babies and get out!how in the world are you gonna heal with a man picking at you all the time.tell him to piss off and if he doesnt like that tell him to leave. i mean he must really have a problem if all he has to say to you is hateful and cruel things. go back and look at what you wrote and pretend it is someone else what would you tell them to do? what do you children think when he does this to you? they must be so confused.do you want them to learn that this is acceceptable?please honey step out side for a sec and look in.

:l mojo

[mojomuppet]

angel3786

sorry but this needs its own thread. i dont know how to pull her post from e's thread will someone do that for me please? tyvm

[Angel3786]

angel3786

Mojo: thanks for sharing in my anguish! I've been told this by so many people, yet my two boys are absolutely thriving. They are the best at what they do in sports and music, and they get straight A's in school, honor society, etc. My husband and I don't ever talk (therefore rarely fight) so my boys just see two distant people taking care of the family and they really rely on the cohesion. If they sense that I might leave, or that I am unhappy at all, they really panic. I am sacrificing myself for the boys. They don't see any fighting or abuse for the most part, we hide it well. As far as his constant criticism, I rely on others for my self-esteem like my sons and my co-workers and others that I am around on a regular basis. According to everyone BUT my husband, I'm a pretty cool person who's got a good heart and is fun to be around. So, I stay for my boys. It would destroy them for me to tear the family apart. They are truly very happy right now and thriving in life. I can't believe I actually married such a hateful person, but on the other hand, he's a perfect father. He has endless love for his boys, like me, so I know he's capable. It all comes down to how the two of us were raised so differently. He was raised with Mrs. June Cleaver for a mom, and an emotionally abusive Father. I was raised with a work-a-holic mom who was never home and didn't seem to care much about her kids or husband. My father was a minister and did his best to raise us. So as you can see we come to the marriage with quite different expectations of each other. Still, it's no excuse. I'm rambling now...thinking out loud really.

I can't find my original post to read again unfortunately. But I do appreciate your reading it and taking time to reply to me!

Thanks and have a great day!
Angel3786

[wwbarb]

angel3786

Angel, I found your original post and didn't want to post it until you say okay.

Want to know what I think?? Tough - I'm gonna tell you anyway

I understand why you don't want to leave. You sound like a wonderful mother. You can have a good life without having to bring yourself down to his level.

It sounds like you can ignore him and go about building your own life. As he begins to criticize, smile at him and say "It's a good thing that your opinion doesn't matter to me" and walk away. Practice this in the mirror. Say it enough, and you will both begin to believe it!

If you want to quit drinking for you, for your kids, find the courage to do it! We're hereThere are a million good reasons to quit. Don't let him have the power of "making you drink". Focus on the positive things in your life and ignore him. He'll either seek you out because he will feel that he is losing his power and perhaps, things will go along as they are with less stress, or your marriage will die a natural death in its own time.

I would never advocate staying in a bad marriage for your kids because it is harder to live in a broken home than be in one. Been the kid and been the parent in broken homes.

Eustacia, I am not sure if this is your situation or not. I know you are in a bad marriage but not sure how your kids are responding. We all have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of anyone else - it is not selfish; it is necessary.

I hope I haven't come on too strong. I remember having my own internal party when my dad moved out and how long it took me to leave my loser of a husband. I am not telling you to dismantel your lives by ending your marriages - you are the only ones that can decide that for yourselves. I am only asking for you to take care of yourselves, physically and emotionally.

What better way to do that than get a handle on your drinking.

Barb

[mojomuppet]

angel3786

wow i was sooo angry!

barb thank you for giving a better answer than telling him to piss off.lol sorry i was just so angry i was seeing stars.im glad you children are doing well and thank the gods he is at least good to them.barb im gonna write that down and use it myself...brilliant.angel im glad you have support from others i was very concerned for you.suggestion for you,start saving now when the last boy leaves follow him out the door.:l

[wwbarb]

angel3786

I meant to say it's harder to be in a broken home than from one.

Barb

[Angel3786]

angel3786

Barb, thanks so much for your post. No, you didn't come on too strong and I appreciate your words! A counselor once told me (us) that I thrive on and need "approval" in my life. Probably from my father's strict upbringing. Anyway, for someone like me who needs approval, it probably wasn't a good idea to marry a control freak! I would do anything for approval. Another reason why I can't leave, it would absolutely devastate my parents who barely made it through my 1st divorce (yes, I was married before when I was 18 years old - big mistake, another long story). My parents already are "disappointed" in me because I didn't finish college and I got divorced. To have another failure in my life, well I don't know. You see the more you dig, the more reasons there are for the way things are.

I don't want to quit drinking, but I do want to cut back to 1 or 2 glasses whenever I want them (but no more than that in a day). And I'm not fooling myself, if I did stop drinking, he will find something else to criticize me for like not making the boy's beds in the mornings when I work, or not having dinners ready for him when he walks in the door, or taking too many naps. He always finds reasons for me being a "loser" in his mind. I'm not getting much approval there!!! HA! Poor me! My kids give me a ton and that's really all I care about is how they feel about me.

Anyway, who knows what will happen when the boys are out of the house. I can't even think about that because they are all I live for and what will I have when they are gone? Very depressing.

Thank you again! I appreciate the support more than I can say!
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