January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

[lodestar]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi summer sleigh buddies,

Well, I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to for work because I kicked my own butt at the gym this morning. Ooof. I guess that's okay. Open ~ terrific job asking hubby for help. Such a change from a short time ago, eh? Good for you. I, too, have some depression issues & al makes that worse for sure. Shelly ~ On my first trip to the grocery store not to buy only sparkling water, I couldn't believe it was in the same aisle as the booze! Cruel joke. Your description with the psycho music was really good. Been there and maybe now I can laugh at myself about it.

Trying to get myself on a better bedtime schedule, so I'm off. :l

[mandalay]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi again

It's good to see everyone doing so well, and being so positive.

Tonight I will have been 7 days AF, I can't tell you how relieved I am, and that I have a great debt to everyone here for supporting me and not getting sick of me. I am eternally grateful that I am finally off this terrible ride and can't believe how much better I feel every morning just to wake up sober.

I wasn't sure actually whether I should ask this and hope it is ok because I am very confused and a bit worried about the future. Clearly I had a major problem with alcohol because anyone drinking almost 2 bottles each and every single night has a problem. My confusion then, though, was that I had no actual craving for it in the way I understand a craving, I opened the first bottle from habit, and the second one got opened because I was drunk. I didn't actually crave it in the first place. I would have given it up long ago had it not been for the fear that I would suffer withdrawal and have a seizure, so I kept on drinking every night, even if I didn't want to until finally with the help of this amazing site, I finally got the courage to taper down and finally stop. Now, with 7 days totally AF, I have not experienced any cravings, no grief for the loss of my good friend Al, no temptation, I have sat with my husband while he was drinking, while my children were drinking, I've waslked through the liquor store on my way to the main supermarket, and never felt the least urge or temptation. Dont get me wrong, how glad am I to be so free, but I am terrified - where is this demon lurking? Sure he is somewhere ready to pounce on me when I least expect it, and because this has all been so easy for me, I have not learned from the experience at all, I've not had to deal with internal struggles etc. That's great, yeah, but I am not stupid enough to think that this can be all there is to giving up wine, and I am so worried that when it hits me, I will have learned no defence, no strategy whatsoever.

Mandalay

[The New Me]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Easy first days...

MM, I am the same way; I feel euphoric for not drinking for the first few days, commited and happy. No cravings, or desire to have one. Then, after two weeks, the demon raises it's ugly head. I feel good, healthy and decide that I had conquered the beast, hence I can have a drink again.
If you are like the silly me, your test may come after two weeks and I hope it does not...
Best wishes, I am on day seven...

[mandalay]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Thank you, TNM, for understanding.

I fear this will happen to me. I am not foolish enough to think I've cracked this problem, but like you, I also know that I would succomb again. I am a creature of habit, it's something I see in every part of my life, even in little, silly innocuous things - if I do something once, that's fine. If I actually do it a second time, you can bet your life that I will do it a third and before I know it, I'm entrenched in a habit. That's fine if it's insignificant (why do I ask for the same hotel room each time I stay in this particular hotel, even though I know the blind doesn't work properly?) just silly things like that. But every time I ask for 'my room' because I've been here so many times! I think it's some part of my brain that likes order, for everything to be the same.... never drink before 9pm... one minute to 9? Oh, let's just wait till the big hand moves to the 12....ok, now I can open the bottle. When I look at myself, my life is filled with things I 'always' do. When this demon jumps out on me, will the fact that nowadays I am 'always' sober win the fight, or will it be a case of waiting till the big hand gets to the 12, because that's what I always did? I think of myself as an intelligent, balanced individual but this scares me.

I wish you all the very best with your own issue, and hope very much that you can be strong enough to resist this time. This is a wonderful site, and I think it holds the answer.

Mandalay

[redhibiscus]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Wow, alot to respond to from last night. This thread is great for support and thinking things through.

Spedtech, great job on getting through the store without buying the booze. I really try to limit my time in the stores during my witching hours, 4-7 p.m. I often look at the people buying the booze and notice how unhealthy they often look. I don't want to look like that or be unhealthy anymore.

Openheart, you asked for support and made it through. When I first started to not drink during the week, I had to have a plan every night on the way home from work, seriously, every night I was tempted to stop off and thought, like you, about maybe, just maybe, buying a bottle. Now, after numerous successes and ingrained coping skills, I do not every stop off during the week to buy a bottle. That took time and practice.

Mandalay and tnm, great to hear from you. Mandalay, I can often go about a week or so AF without too much trouble, it is the long term or special occasions that have resulted in not meeting my AF goal. So now is the time to identify triggers and maybe some things you can do when they hit. Any suggestions from anyone? What do you do when a craving hits?

Distractions from cravings: Think it through to the ugly bitter end: no sleep, sweating, anxiety, guilt, achiness, headache, wasted day.

Go to MWO, read and post till craving leaves.

Hope this helps and keep on posting.

[mandalay]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hello Red

Thank you so much for focussing my mind on things to take my mind off when the inevitable cravings begin. I'd love to hear what others do to help avoid the cravings or to beat them when they do happen, as I am sure they will, just like you say. I've managed to get myself through my first 'test' by avoiding the social gathering after a business meeting tonight, though I guess if I'd stood there and brazened it out rather than heading off back to the hotel I might have deserved a handclap - as it was I took the easy way out and disappeared.

Mandalay

[dill]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Welcome Mandalay and New Me!

But what I mean is....it's weird...I've just told myself "I'm not drinking"...and I don't stop to buy it. SD, I am just so poud and happy for you! Remember the old days (think March-April) when you were pretty sure you couldn't go AF for more than 4 days at a time, ever?! I had just done 7 days for the first time and told you if I could, you could! AF April was a turning point for us, wasn't it. I mean, we didn't break free completely, obviously, but we learned that we could do it!!!

Open, good strategy asking your HB to drive. I tag along with Mr. Dill so I will not buy alc. too, on occasion. Yesterday I had a moment that gave me an iota of satisfaction, however brief as it was quickly chased away by sad longing and a craving. I dropped my Mr. Dill off to pick up his car at the dealership (for repair). I then proceeded to drive straight home. As I was a minute into my drive I realized that I had turned left onto the road to take me home. At that moment I recalled the old me who would have dropped him off, driven straight, like a bat out of hell, to buy a large bottle of wine unbekownst to him, at the very nearby grocery. Then I would have driven very fast to get home before him so as not to get caught in the act. Then I would have drank very near the whole thing through the evening before toddling very unsteadily up the stairs to bed. Pathetic and disgusting.

Red, I am going to start watching the biggest loser. I missed last night, but I'll catch next weeks. My friend at work loves that show, too. As far as cravings and what I do: lately I have started asking myself: "Do you want to drink or do you want to sleep well tonight? It's one or the other."

In my life eliminating alcohol got rid of a lot of problems but it also left me trying to figure out how to live without it....forever.

Shelley, I have struggled with that same overwhelming thought. I suppose we all have. I think the best thing for me is just NOT to think about it that way...as forever. I just don't go there anymore. When I do, it usually leads me to relapse. I focus on the day. BTW, I am in special ed., too. Specifically, I work with special needs preschoolers. I have 2 more years before I can retire.

If I never do, however, and if I am always, forevermore just like this, I have to remember over and over that it is still better than what I would be with drinking.

Very true, LBH. But I believe in my heart that it will not be forevermore just like this. I think it gets better just a smidge each day. I always find comfort in looking back at how I was "this time last year" or whatever. I realize how far I have come and how much internal shift there has been, even if in the moment, I can't see or feel it.

Well, I've gone on too long! Now I must get ready for my first day back at work. Yiiikes!!!

Lode, Cyn, Sooty, Lil, Lav, Pnut, MM, I wish I had time to write more. Have a good day!

[lilmea]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Welcome TNM & Mandalay- congratulations to you both for your 7 af days. Stay close and post. We are all in this together.

Short post today. We have bad weather moving in and when that happens the arthritis in my hands goes wild so typing isn't so easy. Lav, how are you holding up? I think about you when I feel like this and hope you are doing better than me. ( although, even in this, it's nice to know there is someone else out there who understands how I feel. )

Everyone have a warm, safe, af day.

[sooty]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hello from a very snowy UK. The country is at a standstill, airports and roads closed etc.
Special programmes on tv telling people what's going on .... its all very exciting!
Not much snow here in Sootyland and its melting now so it will be great fun tomorrow morning after its frozen all night!
Mr S has gone out with the dog - I'm too scared of falling so I've chickened out and am staying home.
I've taken the decorations down and must say I'm glad to be rid of them - I always wait till 12th night (namely 6 Jan) cos that's what my mum did - do you all do that? I'm don't actually know the significance though - shall have to look that one up!
Have a good Humpday everybody - its lovely to see you all and feeling the strength and warmth from being part of such a fantabalicious group.
Sooty

[lilmea]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi Dil-one of my cross posting buddies

[lilmea]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi Sooty-cross post

[dill]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi Lil! Hi Soots! Cross post!

[cyntree]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Good morning! I had just written the following last night, and then couldn't post as I had gotten logged off somehow - not used to doing this on a laptop, and the wireless where I am is unreliable. So anyway, I copied it elsewhere so I wouldn't have to re-do!

Sooty - the time period that you describe for taking down decorations is called 'Epiphany'. It comes after the 12 day of Christmas, and is a festival of lights. My mother still takes down all her things then - its a nice ritual.
Nice to meet you, New Me and Mandalay. Before this last year, I was a binge-drinker only, and so I could quit for long periods, until there was a trigger. It gave me the illusion that I was 'safe' from alc, and didn't have to try to go AF. I was wrong, and maybe the silver lining for me was to become an everyday drinker so that I would have to get alc out of my life. Now I'm working on paying better attention to what's really going on inside me and in my head, and keeping an eye out. Best of luck to you - sounds like you're already high on the self-awareness scale.
Lil - I have degenerative disc disease, and a lot arthritis pain in my neck and back, so I sympathize - please stay warm and take good care of yourself today.

Anyway, below is where I 'was' last night. Happy AF hump day everybody!
_______
Good evening all! Just had a wonderful time reading everyone's posts...I'm so happy to hear some of you talking about knitting - I've been having a great time getting back into it. Since arriving in the desert, I had not had much of an impulse to do it, and I've missed its steady, hypnotic pull. Dill - I started a new pattern, called 'mistake ribbing' - I figured that I could handle that! It's a really lacy pattern, perfect for a scarf, and it comes together really fast. Lav - no wonder you're so special, a lefty! I wanted to be left-handed so badly that I tried to teach myself to write with my left hand (unfortunately in 8th grade math class; it didn't go over well with the teacher.) To anyone thinking of getting into knitting, I would highly recommend going to a yarn store that has classes - it's a wonderful way to meet people, and it's inspiring to be around gorgeous yarn (for me, anyway). If you can't find a store, get the book "Stichin and Bitchin". A great guide to knitting, and hilarious to boot.

Shelly - huge congrats on your grocery store challenge. It's the same in this state - not only grocery stores, but drug stores, etc. Thanks for sharing your therapy info; you're an inspiration - 5 months - great job.

Open - thanks for your lovely posts, and for the example of asking for help. I need to learn that approach.

Red - "another day AF" - great job. As LBH said so beautifully, "one more stone in the wall". Those ghastly moments of struggle now seem to me more like true building blocks of a great foundation - hard won.

LBH - I got such a kick out of "trick or beak" that I have been chanting it incessantly to my dogs. I don't know what they think it means, but they love it - a big tail wag.

Sweet dreams to all -

[Lavande]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Good morning all!

Some things never change - like Lil, Dil, Sooty & myself cross - posting

Stiil very chilly, had a wee bit of snow last night, just a covering. More snow predicted Thursday night into Friday. Lil, I've noticed some slight twinges in my hands & shoulders the last 2 days but not bad at all. I take my glucosamine/chondroiton 'religiously'. Buy the largest dose you can find - that's what I do

Dill, enjoy that first day back at work - ugh!
Ms Sooty - stay off the icy walkways!! I am so paranoid about slipping & falling on the ice - especially since getting the news about my 30% bone loss - GEEZ!

Mandalay & TNM, good to see you here & congrats on your AF time!
I understand your worries about staying AF for the long term.......
Kicking AL out of our lives is a huge step but inorder to keep AL out of our lives we really need to change our thinking! It was a huge light bulb moment for me when I stopped worrying about what I was missing & started appreciating all that I was getting!!!! Namely, full access to my grandson, the real freedom from worry, shame & guilt, improved sleep, the end of the eternal hangover..........
I think when you get enough AF time under your belt it's easier to really see the big picture & stop fooling & sabotaging yourself. Setting yourself up for success not failure is the goal we all seek

Time for me to get to work!!
Wishing everyone a terrific Humpday - hear that Sooty
Lav

[Lavande]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi cyn - cross post