Smoke screens.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

A new year often incites us to take a long, hard look at ourselves and our lives. Very often we may not like what we find.........what we have allowed ourselves to become.

I`d like to share my not so little life-changing home truth with you. This truth will hurt........it may cut you to ribbons, but.........it`s the truth nonetheless.

I am fast approaching my 2nd anniversary of sobriety.........and no, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I`d make it even as far as here.........no words could even touch upon the depth of my gratitude for having found the strength.........

I finally faced the truth when I forced (yes, I resisted it with all my might for so long) myself to acknowledge that us alcoholics seek to camouflage our behaviour in smoke screens.

Those smoke screens trip so readily from our tongues..........sadly, some of you are still hiding behind them just as I used to do.

What I wish to say is that...........we may well be "addicted", we may well be, and most likely are, in the majority of cases, "wired differently", it may well be "outwith our control", but the gut-wrenching truth is that we have the power to become sober, in spite of all the aforementioned. They are merely smoke screens and very convenient ones at that, and whilst we hang onto them like grim death, sobriety will never be within our reach.

The road to sobriety begins when we wrench ourselves free from those smoke screens and acknowledge that the onus is on us..........circumstances etc. may lead us to drink, but alcoholism can and is overcome by many. It is overcome by those people who finally, reluctantly accept that we ourselves are fully responsible for raising that glass to our lips..........no different wiring, addiction etc. can physically raise a glass, right?

In no way am I preaching. I am merely telling you what worked for me. Admitting to ourselves that we avail of smoke screens to justify our drinking is painful.........all too often it`s a truth too far. So, how far would you `really` go for sobriety???

I wish you well in this new year. I wish you the strength to not be afraid to accept responsibility for where you`re at in all of this today.

Please don`t despair.........your way out awaits. I pray that you grab it while you`re still healthy enough to do so.

Much love,

Star xxx

[rubywillow]

Smoke screens.

Yes, Star, our own personal truths hurt, and in the dark, in the late hours of the night, we are still left to face ourselves, undisguised. Great post.

[hart]

Smoke screens.

Although I luv to argue with (((Star)))), I can't see anything in this post to disagree with. Thanx for the great post hon. :l

[Chief]

Smoke screens.

I agree Star....

I know you are 100% correct......I just wish I could get out of the smoke screen long enough to take action. It's a lot harder this time. I'm not making excuses....just saying where I am right now.

[ready2change]

Smoke screens.

Yes Star, as long as we hold on to our excuses, we will never find our way out of this hell hole that alcohol creates and finally live a sober life.

Unfortunately it takes some of us hard heads longer than others. I cannot believe how badly I have wanted sobriety, it literally consumes my thoughts some days, and yet it always manages to elude me.

I really want 2010 to be different. I want this my year of sobriety and I will fight this battle with all my might because for me, life without sobriety is no life at all.

Bless you for this honest post. Happy New Year to you all.

R2C

[lodestar]

Smoke screens.

Thank you, Star. Your no nonsense approach to getting sober is much appreciated. A post like this would have shaken me up in the past. Today, I know it is true and for that I am grateful.

[dancelot]

Smoke screens.

Thank you, Starlight for speaking the truth.

I am sober today today because I was fortunate enough to have the counsel of some long term abbers the day I found MWO. I was not preached at, I was told where they had come from, where they are today; I was asked about my plan, specifically, what was I doing right now, and later, what plan did I have in place when it did get rough. I had to listen and answer in my own words. Something about that sunk in. I am fortunate I listened, and went ahead and toughed it out that first night, and the next ones. I honestly did not believe I could be sober. I hoped at best to moderate as the lesser of two evils, but could not conceive of doing 30 days AF first (at the end of which I realized I would be crazy to try to moderate - I was finally clean after much effort - why blow it?). So it was not easy for me either. It is not easy for any of us.

I was terrified to truly admit and face what I had become, even though I'd seen it coming for 30+ years. Yes, I've always known. It's part genetic, part ADD, part social phobia, part fear of the unknown. But all these issues could have been dealt with differently. I made the choice to start, and the choice to continue, the choice to buy every bottle, and to drink every glass, bottle, or can. Now I choose not to, even when it means consciously debating with myself (which thankfully is much less the longer I am AF - but I must be aware when it raises it's ugly head even a little).

Lying is a big part of the addiction ball and chain. Lying to yourself is the worst. As I said, I've known for many years, but I just was not honest. Facing yourself and your shortcomings is scary, but we make them so much worse by drinking. We hide temporarily. These are what I say don't beat yourself up over. Now the drinking.... I had to kick my own ass over that! I am responsible for that. Not my genetics or any other personal issues.

My advice to anyone is, if you want to be AF, look to and follow the example of those that are. Do whatever it takes. Use whatever tools, supplements, or drugs you need. Most importantly, always be honest and 100% committed. This was the key I was missing in any (half assed) previous attempts.

[ThisWayOut]

Smoke screens.

Thank you Star - So honest and real straight-up (no pun) post. Very inspiring too. I have made the transition (with help from God and friends here) to a brand new life as of Jan 1st, 2010 - And I feel so strong and confident - I have made a permanent decision to be AL-free for rest of my life and I am so grateful and happy about it. It was the decision to never ever drink again - that did it for me. It is so exciting. I can't even post a negative thread anymore, only positive ones - because I only see positive things now. All the doors are open. New and exciting possibilities. And am so so thankful...

TWO

AL Free - Jan 1, 2010

[mario]

Smoke screens.

Great post star, its not untill we are honest and truthfull with ourselfs first, can we make the change that is required to stay alcohol free.

[KateH1]

Smoke screens.

Great Post, Starlight! So full of Truths....I too have been in a reflective mood.....these year anniversaries seem to do that! Like most, my "Reasons" (excuses) for drinking were many, PTSD, serious family issues with my family of origin, work issues, depression, anxiety, etc. etc. etc. I had convinced myself that my drinking was justified and that it helped me to get through. I rejected anyone that told me different and tried to help. I argued...my right to drink and all of my myriad of reasons.

I too was fortunate....I arrived at mwo in Sept. 2007....a drunk.....many times drunk here over the next 3 months. I stuck to those that had experienced success in over coming their own drinking, there were many, Chief, Star, Mags, many who are no longer here.....just living fulfilling sober lives. I stopped being defensive about drinking and I began to listen, to read, to meditate and to journal. In my first year AF...I found Livingfree, Wonderworld, Thankful, Believe and Meditation Mama...all on the same path......we posted a thread and stuck together....we shared the changes we were experiencing and we supported and cheered each other on! I would often chat with Determinator who found his own sobriety.....it was a journey....it still is a journey.

Today, I am grateful for my sobriety, I know recognised that all of those "Reasons" are the Very same Reasons that I now have to remain AF. Life still happens, in my two years, AF, I have experienced a horrible 3 month illness and eventual death of my father, the final break with my siblings, the divorce of my oldest son......and many other difficult life events. Though these events were not easy at all....I came through them far better sober than I would have if I had chosen to drink.

I am still imperfect.....I am still learning and refining who I am....but I am clear enough to do this work.
I am so grateful!

To all those who struggle....I hope that you can find your Peace, find your own Sobriety....it is so well work the work!

xxx Kate

[caysea]

Smoke screens.

Hi All
Great tread Love seeing some of our members with some good AF time tell it like it is. We all BS ourselves and others for so long. When the smoke clears you have to still deal with it. Not taking that first drink


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Guitarista]

Smoke screens.

Thank's Star, and a great time for such a thread.
I love you, will you marry me?
I'm an excellent guitarist, and cheap to run. (Errr, you have your own house don't you?)........;-)

[KatieSmiles]

Smoke screens.

Great thread Star,

Thanks love,
K

[byebyebridgetjones]

Smoke screens.

Good on you SIF, for cutting to the facts.
That's right where I'm at currently, too.
The excuses, (for everything, not just alcohol abuse) have to go.
Bridget.

[lilmea]

Smoke screens.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...e-6-38890.html

Thank you Star for this exellent post.