Feeling scared but relieved.

[Aroundtwit]

I have been drinking heavily for about 14 yrs and have given up at least 5 times each time with total success and those 5 times were the best ever, no guilt, no hiding bottles and much more money to spend, why then did I always go back answer because I could that is until now. I often read press reports about how it affects our health especially our livers but surely that didn`t apply to me until now, how could I have played Russian Roulette for so long with each sip doing more and more damage but as I had no symptoms it was ok wasn`t it I was invincible until now. I feel as if I have finally and thankfully hit my rock bottom and the choice of drinking has been taken away from me and if I do feel well again it is the best Xmas pressie I have ever received now or in the future.
I have just totally ruined my Christmas and New Year by drinking beforehand to the point where I have got the most severe pain under my ribs on the right handside to which I guess is alcoholic hepatitis, it`s not just a pain it has hindered my every movement, its not funny to be able to not reach up for something or bend down even, nor is it fun to have to heave myself out of a chair or get in and out of bed without pain least sleep on it, to sneeze is to die for and I am even unable to touch it with a finger for the pain and the guilt I am feeling is second to none. How could I have done this to my lovely family if it gets worse, lets face it we don`t all have happy endings do we. How would I explain to my elderly mother what I have done who would look after my beloved dogs when I`m gone, why wasn`t this enough to stop me before I don`t know but this time if I am spared I know that this is it for me, I feel as if I am staring death in the face and I don`t like it and I want to live somemore and am praying like mad that this will go away.
I have stopped drinking obviously and it is a total relief that I can`t anymore as I know if this hadn`t of been given to me I would still be drinking, my attittude has totally changed and I know it will be forever, life is too short to drink it away I realise that now if this does get better that one sip could reverse it and I would be too scared to even try.
Last year we spent New Years with friends and I had a miserable time as I had to watch my drinking as I didn`t want people to realise how much I actually drank but this year was different in stead of not being able to drink I knew I couldn`t which took so much pressure off and despite my pain I had the most brillaint time and was happy to watch everybody else getting merry and not feel jealous.
On a lighter note humour me if you think I am melodramatic but this is what I have been waiting for something to make me stop and it certainly has so now all I have to is get rid of this awful pain and believe me theres no one praying harder than me.

[rubywillow]

Feeling scared but relieved.

Around, it takes SOMETHING to make us stop. While you are healing, work on your plan for later. Make lists of what AL has done TO you, what you can do without it, how your life will be better if you don't have to think about it every day. There are great tools here. If you do it for your dogs, I'll understand at least. They are helpless, and depend on you. Looks like a Yorkie in your pic. Mine's in my lap. Stay here, meet people, talk, post, get involved. It can change your life.

[openheart]

Feeling scared but relieved.

Hi Around--Glad you posted. Are you under a doctor's care? If not, please get there soon and start drinking lots of water to flush out the toxins.
Many of us have completely been there with the thinking about "the end" and for me actually hoping that the drinking would hurry it up for me, since it seemed much easier to do that then to actually quit the drinking. Couldn't see stopping for the longest time.

But remember this is a process and your process has already started w/ having stopped before.

Here is a joke which has hit home for me with a deeper meaning--maybe it will for you, too:

Two fellas were sitting on a porch and an old hound dog was laying at the man's feet. All of a sudden the old dog started howlin' and whining and whining and howlin'.
One man said, "What's wrong with your dog, why is he howling so much?"
The other man said, "Oh--He's hollerin' cuz he's layin' on a nail and it's hurtin' him"
The first man says, "Well, why doesn't he get up and move off the nail?
The other man said, "I guess the nail doesn't hurt enough, yet"

I think of that old joke lots, cuz sometimes the nail doesn't hurt enough to make us make a change. But sometimes it does.

Stay close--
Openheart

[Aroundtwit]

Feeling scared but relieved.

I am too scared to go to the doctors sadly.
I was hoping someone can recommend where I would be better off posting on a daily basis, there are so many choices from when I first joined this site way back when and am now wondering where I should actually be posting.
Thanks for any replies x

[openheart]

Feeling scared but relieved.

A good caring place where someone is usually around is in the "Just Starting Out" forum"--the Newbies Nest thread is a great place to start, as is the ODAT (One Day At A Time) thread. If you need attention right away, post on the "Need Help ASAP" thread. Just poke around and see where you feel comfortable. You are welcome to post anywhere!

It might help to put an "I'm New Here" message on your post--that will usually get the posts flowing.

I am very glad you are here on this site--many can relate and help guide you through this toughest of times. Stay very close and read lots. Have you read the MWO book yet? Also check out the "Toolbox" thread--lots of good stuff in there. Here's the link: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

I have and will continue to keep you in my prayers--stay strong--you can do this! I am concerned for your health--please keep posting--I'll look for you!

Love and care,
:hOpenheart

[Zeppie2]

Feeling scared but relieved.

Hiya Around, welcome - I have a similar story to yours, it actually took an aching liver to get me to stop drinking. a year before that I had a real scary experience with withdrawals and thought I was going to die, went to the doctors, got some tests done and my liver was fine so I eventually started drinking again.

My tests a year later where not so bright - I was meant to go back and have more done, but I didn't want to know. Too frightened to learn the truth of the damage I had done.

I am know knocking on the door of 5 months AF, my aching liver subsided at about 3 weeks AF. I haven't got another blood done but I will perhaps at about 6 months AF.

As for the posting - have a look around and see where you feel comfortable, there are plenty of threads and plenty of like-minded friends to meet.

Let us know how you are getting on okay

[Doggygirl]

Feeling scared but relieved.

Hi Aroundtwit. I hope your liver starts to heal. Our bodies can do some amazing things sometimes if we live clean and give ourselves a chance!

Anyway, as already mentioned there are lots of good daily type regular threads all over the forum. Another area to look for them is in the "Monthly Abstinence" section. There is a thread called AF Daily that you might want to check out.

Strength and hope to you!

DG

[lodestar]

Feeling scared but relieved.

Hi Around,

Can't add much to what has already been said, but just wanted to welcome you back and send you some wishes for peace and health. Glad to see you here and hope your pain subsides soon.

Blessings!

[MauMcL]

Feeling scared but relieved.

My advice is not in lieu of you stopping drinking. These are not ways for you to keep drinking but they are things you can try to help heal your liver:

eating beets
milk thistle
dark leafy greens
detox teas
dandelion
burdock
castor oil compresses to your liver
acupuncture

That pain is a big warning sign. Honor it. I will pray for you. You can do this! Keep on truckin'!

(My advice was not a substitute for medical care....)