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    #1

    Tried to tell some friends...

    Hi,
    I've tried to tell some friends that I'm not drinking anymore, and they don't seem interested in the least. I can't even get to tell them I don't drink anymore. As soon as I start talking they switch it to themselves. In the few, very few cases, I've gotten to saying "I've been drinking alone during the day (which I haven't done since Nov 30 and only sporadically since June)," they say "No, you're not an alcoholic. blah blah blah," like I'm being a drama queen. Even my mom had the same reaction - that I was being super emotional and not real.

    Or, I try to tell about drinking, and they tell me about their bad marriages and their own problems. They say I don't have a problem because their problems are so much worse.

    Anyone experienced the same denial from others? Makes it harder to admit a problem when friends won't believe it!
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
    AF since May 6, 2010
    Tags: None
    #2
    Tried to tell some friends...

    Tulipe;784859 wrote: Hi,
    I've tried to tell some friends that I'm not drinking anymore, and they don't seem interested in the least. I can't even get to tell them I don't drink anymore. As soon as I start talking they switch it to themselves. In the few, very few cases, I've gotten to saying "I've been drinking alone during the day (which I haven't done since Nov 30 and only sporadically since June)," they say "No, you're not an alcoholic. blah blah blah," like I'm being a drama queen. Even my mom had the same reaction - that I was being super emotional and not real.

    Or, I try to tell about drinking, and they tell me about their bad marriages and their own problems. They say I don't have a problem because their problems are so much worse.

    Anyone experienced the same denial from others? Makes it harder to admit a problem when friends won't believe it!
    Tulipe,

    I know the feeling all too well. It seems as if only Mrs. T had a clue how bad it was. Not my closest family or best friends seem to have any inkling... They don't think it possible that I could have had a problem. Despite me telling some of them that I'm an alcoholic, pure and simple. Only my brother now accepts it, and that is because he went through similar with his wife.

    Go figure
    I'll do whatever it takes
    AF 21/08/2009

    Comment

      #3
      Tried to tell some friends...

      Hi Tulipe

      I think you are getting that reaction because they really don't understand.
      People who have had no personal experience with problem drinking or drinkers, simply don't get it.
      Many have no concept of what a functioning alcoholic is, so unless you are dirty, slobbering and staggering in the street with a brown paper bag covering your booze bottle...they think you have no problem.

      Just my thoughts anyway.

      K
      Nov 1 2006 avg 100 - 120 drinks/week
      April 29 2011 TSM avg 70 - 80/wk
      wks* 1- 6: 256/1AF (avg 42.6/wk)
      wks* 7-12: 229/3AF (avg 38.1/wk)
      wks 13-18: 192/5AF (avg 32.0/wk)
      wks 19-24: 176/1AF (avg 29.3/wk)
      wks 25-30: 154/10AF (avg 25.6/wk)
      wks 31-36: 30/37AF (avg 5/wk )

      I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.
      http://www.thesinclairmethod.net/community/

      Comment

        #4
        Tried to tell some friends...

        Do you need their validation and/or help? I honestly can't fathom telling anyone unless there was some specific reason for doing so... like I needed help, or they needed help, or something. I'm more than happy to tell people my story and experiences, but I otherwise consider it none of anyone's business, and would rather not push my business onto others.

        I guess I'm wondering why you'd want to tell anyone anyway, unless it's because you need their help and support. If that's what it is, then I still wouldn't say anything until it becomes necessary at that moment... like someone is passing around drinks. If you need an alcoholic ear just to have someone who understands to talk to, then there's everyone on this forum, and you can also call AA. You don't actually have to go to a meeting. If you need help right that second, you can call and get it.
        Kelly

        Comment

          #5
          Tried to tell some friends...

          Yeah, what Katie said.
          Kelly

          Comment

            #6
            Tried to tell some friends...

            Me too. Some of my friends downplayed my nervous confessions when I was scared and struggling. I was really confused by what I perceived as lack of support or understanding. I don't think I made it clear about exactly how scared I was and exactly why - as in exactly how much I was drinking. But yes, it did make it easy to sweep it aside with "well, THEY don't think it's a problem, so it must not be". Which I did for some time. Perhaps it is along the lines of not wanting to acknowledge you (whom they percieve as normal) have a problem because if YOU do, then THEY might. Too close for comfort.
            sigpic
            Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

            Comment

              #7
              Tried to tell some friends...

              Tulipe,

              Oh, I wish I had that problem. All of my friends and family know I have a serious alcohol problem.

              However, it sounds like your friends just "don't want to know." In which case, just leave it be unless they are the kind that are trying to get you to "just have one or two with me." In that case, make it perfectly clear that it is not an option for you, period.

              It sounds like you are doing very well, btw, keep it up!!

              Love,
              Cindi
              AF April 9, 2016

              Comment

                #8
                Tried to tell some friends...

                UrbanFool;784882 wrote: I honestly can't fathom telling anyone unless there was some specific reason for doing so...
                Those people I told needed to know I was AF. A very few for support (my brother & two very close friends), but others to understand why I was repeatedly refusing drinks - I kept on being questioned by the same people.
                I'll do whatever it takes
                AF 21/08/2009

                Comment

                  #9
                  Tried to tell some friends...

                  Hi Tulipe,
                  Well, you could use their disinterest to your very great advantage.
                  It is a huge achievement that you have stopped drinking, but for those who don't realise that you've had a drinking problem, they would naturally think "so what". And, like Katie says, we are able to function so well and mask our addiction that not many people notice.
                  In my case I didn't make a big deal out of not drinking, because... I didn't want it to be a big deal... because that would still emphasise my thinking that I am still a drinker who is struggling with not drinking.
                  But take it a little further, and spin your thinking around a bit and tell yourself that drinking is boring. And perhaps by not telling too many people you will not put too much emphasis on the whole drinking thing. If you go back through some of the threads many people say how they didn't realise how easy it is to stop placing any importance on alcohol. I love they paragraph in RJ's book where she says to treat alcohol the same way you do butter.... and we don't think about butter every waking moment!Hope this helps.
                  And again, good work on stopping drinking.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Tried to tell some friends...

                    Hi Tulipe,
                    I told a couple of friends when they asked why I wasn't drinking. They knew me to be the greediest, drunkest guy at the party, so I elaborated and then all I got was the 1000 yard stare and a quick change of subject, which suited me. It's not their fault; they just don't get it, or are perhaps too embarrassed to carry the subject further.
                    If you're comfortable not drinking then surely that's the main thing. You know that you are doing the very best you can...for you.
                    Well done.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Tried to tell some friends...

                      I heard this the other day: "If you knew what people really said about you, you'd be surpised how seldom they talk about you". I guess this is a very personal demon, and to the 90% of people that are "normal" (take it leave it), they really don't understand. As for social situations, get your favorite N/A drink in a glass and nobody is the wiser anyway. Coke in a glass is no different than rum and coke. As UF said, I'd rather not advertise it anyway, unless it is someone very close to me that I can rely on for support.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Tried to tell some friends...

                        Tulipe, I dont try to explain usually to friends or family. People who dont have a problem, usually wont get it. Even Mr Starts used to say I didnt have a problem, although now I am sober he is very keen to keep me that way :-)
                        The only person you really need to be accountable to is yourself. If you are not happy with what you do, change it, dont look for justification from any one else. At the end of the day, it will be you and you alone who gets you out of this cycle.
                        :l
                        Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                        Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Tried to tell some friends...

                          Hi again Tulipe,
                          Well, Starting said it all in her last 3 sentences.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Tried to tell some friends...

                            hi tulipe
                            I think its a problem a lot of us went/going through,it is nearly impossible for people to try and understand and to think of us as alcoholics,they dont want to go there as they have an image of what a alcoholic should look like,keep carrying on with your own personal journey eventually it will be a non issue,that's why its important to keep yourself around people that are of like minded thinking.ie AA,mwo, etc. talk soon. x


                            :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                            Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                            I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                            This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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