Still here...

[shirazgirl]

Hi Guys,
Sorry I haven't been that active on the forum lately. I see there are many newbies and our "seniors" still active on our boards. I hope everyone is still on track in meeting their goals. I have been very busy over the holiday season and somewhat distracted by all the hoopla that seems to go hand in hand.

I have managed to be sober with the exception of NYE. Now, let it be said, this was not a slip. It was my intention to see what would happen if I had a few drinks since I had never really attempted moderation. The good news is, is that I managed to keep it to two. The bad news is, is that I did want a third, therefore making me one of the people who could not take it or leave it. Although I did leave it, I really didn't want to. That was it. My test for myself to see if I was one of those people who were okay with a few. I am happy that I "planned and executed" this event on my own terms. I'm happy that I am satisfied with the results. I am not a modifier. I am a drinker. I guess that is what I will always be that way and that's okay. It is what it is.

So, with little damage and I intend on staying AF. Thinking about drinking and whether or not it is an option for me is to much work. It is far easier to stay sober. I have gotten in three car accidents since I went AF. Pretty ironic. I have to think I'm being sent some type of message about a higher power looking after me when I was drinking. The last was this passed Wednesday when I got pushed into a tractor trailer on the highway with someone who was trying to enter the highway from the breakdown lane. My car was damaged and I am now timid about driving, but I am here today. I am grateful.

With the holidays over, I hope to spend more time on the boards posting and possibly helping others who are in need. Thanks for everyone here!

[Wally22]

Still here...

Wow, that sounds pretty scary!!!! I would be timid about driving as well. I once skidded off the highway into a very deep ditch. I had to be winched out by a tow truck. No damage to me or the car, but my hands shook on the wheel for the rest of the day. And I hadn't been drinking, it was just icy and first thing in the morning.
Good for you for stopping at two and knowing that it was an issue. 2010 is going to be a great year, I can just feel it.

[aspman]

Still here...

good for you sg, and I agree with you. for me modding is to much effort for what rewards? I want to get smashed or not bother, so i wont bother.

[SpiritGirl]

Still here...

Shirazgirl,
Thank you for your post... I always enjoy reading your thoughts and can relate so well to you... Your story reminds me so much of myself, with the big difference of - you are AF and I am still working towards it.. So, although you don't know it, you have personally been an inspiration to me... I hope I can get to where you are... Thanks again...

[KateH1]

Still here...

Hi Shiraz....good to see you! I was actually wondering where you were and how you were, so I am very happy that you are back!

Kudos, for putting yourself to the test and being so very honest about moderation! I too, know that I could "Force Myself" to a glass or two....but, I also know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I would want more, and would drink more in a very short time. So, I remain AF! I simply cannot take it or leave it! These days, most of the time, the very thought of even one glass is a huge turnoff for me! I want to keep it that way!

Wishing You and Yours a Fabulous New Year!
Kate

[startingover]

Still here...

Hi there SG!
Happy New year to you and it sounds like you have learned a valuable lesson in the process.
It will be good to see you around more, you always have wise and thoughtful suggestions to offer.
All the very best on your continued AFness.

[drylifeahead]

Still here...

:yeahthat:

Nice to see you again SG!!

DLA :l

[MauMcL]

Still here...

Hi Shirazgirl

I'm new here and trying to be AF. This is not the first time I have looked at my alcohol "issues." Even though I "test" as someone who should be able to do moderation management, the fact of the matter is it might work some of the time but the time or two that it doesn't and I drink too much, make an ass of myself, and feel the illness and shame the next day ARE JUST NOT WORTH IT (for me I mean).

That's interesting, though, that you tested it out and felt that pull after the 2nd drink. See, that's the thing with me too. After the 2nd or the 3rd my body stops caring if it's two or three or 10 or 20. It's just crazy. Once that switch gets flipped...Yikes. What is interesting in my case is that my problem has become a "problem" over the last maybe 5 years...I used to be able to moderate, but now find that just doesn't happen...I think it may have to do with the fact my kids are teens now and not so "dependent" on me. When they were little, I actually was responsible and would stop before getting wasted as I was very concerned about their safety. Even though I am 49 and had my first drink at the tender age of 12 (Ridiculous!). Anyway, best of luck to you. It sounds like you learned something about yourself. I wish you much peace on this journey.

[mario]

Still here...

hi shiraz girl
nice to hear from you again.
sorry to hear about your car accident.
good for you for doing your own personnel test. well now you know.:-)

[Cynspr]

Still here...

Hi
the statement you made "Thinking about drinking and whether or not it is an option for me is to much work. " I think rings true to so many of us. How much of our daily life is consumed by the "do i or don't I" back and forth questions in our head until we give ourselves permission to drink.
Good for you for taking the test and being okay with the outcome. Glad your accident was only to your car.

[Tulipe]

Still here...

Hi SG,
Glad to hear you got through your test. That battle for more is no fun, I know. But I am happy for you in your determination and your decision to continue AF. I also like your honesty.
Thank you for sharing.

[shirazgirl]

Still here...

Thanks for your replies. I think it is important to be honest when evaluating oneself. I hope to continue on this AF journey for a long time to come. I am no longer looking for 30 days or 60, etc. I plan on leaving my AF life open ended....

[Lavande]

Still here...

Hi shirazgirl,

Happy New Year & glad you are back!
Good for you to make the decision to go AF all the way!
I've decided to skip the self test - for me there's really no point! I know AF is the only way to go for me

Wishing you continued success!
Lav

[agapanthus]

Still here...

Wow. So that's how you can tell if you are a candidate for moderation. Is it naive to think that one can get to the point where you can take it or leave it by listening to the cds and taking the supps and meds?

[shirazgirl]

Still here...

I don't think it is naive. For me, the rewards of being completely AF were so huge that I just wanted to eliminate the burning question. I think I was like Dorothy from the land of Oz, I had the answer the entire time. I just had to see for myself. There are some people that are successful moderators, but unfortunately, for most, it just doesn't work.

I do not want to discourage you because that is the reason why most of came here to begin with. The thought of moderation appeals to most of us. I wish I was a person who could, but I know I cant. Once something "shifted" in my brain, I don't see how it could ever go back. I was desperate in my effort to hold on to the drink, searching websites, reading books, but in the end, the truth eventually reveals itself.

Stay here and let us know how you are doing. Best of luck in journey.