NOT Drinking

[New Creation]

I have been fighting this alcohol demon for a very long time. Have quit three or four times and gone back and tried moderation at other times. I have struggled so much with whether I want alcohol to remain as any part of my life. I can honestly say no, I truly wish that I didn't drink. Wish that I had never ever started. My life would have been and could be so much happier and different if I did not drink. I so admire all of you that have managed to quit completely; you are all so inspirational!

That being said, I also struggle with the idea of giving it up completely. My husband still drinks (not like I do), our huge network of friends that we are with constantly on a social basis all drink (not like I do) and the thought of never having a glass of wine with dinner, the thought of constantly having to tell people that I don't drink at all, the thought of going on vacations and not getting to enjoy the drinks by the pool or the hot toddys by the fire; all of this makes me so sad.

As I say, I have tried moderating before and without much success. Perhaps that is not a possibility for me. However, it is something that I am considering trying again. If it does not work out this time for me then I KNOW that I am at the point in my life that I am going to have to lay it down completely.

I have thought of a new plan. I am going to call it "NOT Drinking". NOT standing for "Never Over Two". The rules that I am setting forth for myself are simple:
1. Never over two drinks in a day.
2. Never over two days a week may I drink.
3. Never more than two "vacations" a year (a vacation lasting never over two weeks; ie a trip away from home, the Christmas holidays, even something as short as a long weekend where I allow myself to drink at will).

My rationale for these "rules" is that two drinks will allow me to relax with friends, enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and not have to explain that I am not drinking. At times when I have to refuse a drink either because I have reached my limit on either drinks or days I can say that I am "NOT Drinking". If asked "You don't drink?" I can answer "Yes, I do but I am just NOT Drinking right now. Also, I am hoping hoping hoping that by limiting myself to two drinks that I will feel relaxed but will feel totally in control and will be able to refuse a third. I am hoping that with these simple rules that I will be able to moderate effectively. As I said, if not then I know that it is time for me to quit.

Would anyone care to join me?

[com1]

NOT Drinking

I would love to join you but unfortunately I cannot moderate. If that is what you want, only you will know if it will work. It would be absolute agony for me to stop after two beers. I know from past experience, modding is not an option.

I have to go ODAT and not look ahead to what may or may not happen. I can focus on one day. I'll worry about tomorrow when I get to it.

Com1

[Rags]

NOT Drinking

Hi New,
Sounds like an excellent strategy, as I used a similar one which worked well.
You've obviously thought about it and planned it out. So, when do you start?

[Gearhead]

NOT Drinking

Sounds like a good plan to me if you can stop at two. Two just wets my thirst and cuts my inhibitions enough to want to get smashed, so definitely not an option for me.

[MauMcL]

NOT Drinking

New Creation;786021 wrote: I have been fighting this alcohol demon for a very long time. Have quit three or four times and gone back and tried moderation at other times. I have struggled so much with whether I want alcohol to remain as any part of my life. I can honestly say no, I truly wish that I didn't drink. Wish that I had never ever started. My life would have been and could be so much happier and different if I did not drink. I so admire all of you that have managed to quit completely; you are all so inspirational!

That being said, I also struggle with the idea of giving it up completely. My husband still drinks (not like I do), our huge network of friends that we are with constantly on a social basis all drink (not like I do) and the thought of never having a glass of wine with dinner, the thought of constantly having to tell people that I don't drink at all, the thought of going on vacations and not getting to enjoy the drinks by the pool or the hot toddys by the fire; all of this makes me so sad.

As I say, I have tried moderating before and without much success. Perhaps that is not a possibility for me. However, it is something that I am considering trying again. If it does not work out this time for me then I KNOW that I am at the point in my life that I am going to have to lay it down completely.

I have thought of a new plan. I am going to call it "NOT Drinking". NOT standing for "Never Over Two". The rules that I am setting forth for myself are simple:
1. Never over two drinks in a day.
2. Never over two days a week may I drink.
3. Never more than two "vacations" a year (a vacation lasting never over two weeks; ie a trip away from home, the Christmas holidays, even something as short as a long weekend where I allow myself to drink at will).

My rationale for these "rules" is that two drinks will allow me to relax with friends, enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and not have to explain that I am not drinking. At times when I have to refuse a drink either because I have reached my limit on either drinks or days I can say that I am "NOT Drinking". If asked "You don't drink?" I can answer "Yes, I do but I am just NOT Drinking right now. Also, I am hoping hoping hoping that by limiting myself to two drinks that I will feel relaxed but will feel totally in control and will be able to refuse a third. I am hoping that with these simple rules that I will be able to moderate effectively. As I said, if not then I know that it is time for me to quit.

Would anyone care to join me?

I feel for you. I am having the same issues. That my life will just go away in a 'poof' if I don't drink! Your plan sounds like a lovely one, but look at how much work has gone into just crafting this "master plan." Implementing it will be work too. You will sit there and rationalize all the reasons why 'just this once' you will have that third.

For me, it's just getting too complicated. I just need to be able to go out, know I can have fun, go to sleep, and not wake up hating myself and kissing the porcelain gods the next day. I want to be able to go out to concerts (live music is my passion) and NOT WORRY about driving home or try to remember 'Oh shit have I had three or four drinks? Can I drive?'

I think what constitutes "fun" is going to be changing. Think about yourself. Is the only time you are fun, outgoing, and smart when you are drinking? Of course not. Imagine cultivating that so that you would never need alcohol to feel relaxed and like you were having fun. I believe in my heart of hearts it will be possible. It is possible. There are a lot of people here who say so. I believe them. They are giving of their time, experience, and stories to help share that with us: there is life after alcohol. Not only is there life, but it sounds like in many instances a better life.

I come here daily and try to read a few things every day. And write a few things. It is keeping me AF. I almost killed myself on NYE, I fell off the toilet backwards into the shower. I have huge bruises on my arm and the back of my head. I EASILY could have killed myself. This is my "bottoming out." The fact that someone could have found me in the bathroom, in the tub, head cracked open, blood coming out of my nostrils. I DO NOT WANT THIS. I WANT TO LIVE. AND I WANT TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE!

I cannot do it with alcohol. I cannot moderate. Maybe you can. I hope so. But I think it's likely that there will be slip-ups. Are you prepared to deal with them?

Peace to you!
MauMcL

[New Creation]

NOT Drinking

Thanks to all for your comments; especially, to you, MauMcL, for such a lovely post. I have been so inspired by so many on this site. As far as planning for slip-ups. Well, my plan is this. One slip-up, I quit. Have rationalized too many times before and will not do it again. Have reached that point in my life.

[savon19]

NOT Drinking

Hi New -

Maybe you should add "One slip-up, I quit" as Rule No. 4?

I know it's very hard to think of giving it up Completely. But your plan wouldn't work for me... I hope it does for YOU!!

[mario]

NOT Drinking

hi new creation :imho2: For the majority of abusers of alcohol, moderation is an unrealistic goal and merly wishfull thinking, having said that there is a good moderation thread here and also in the long term abstainers thread a post about :slipping:check them out :goodjob:

[MauMcL]

NOT Drinking

New Creation;786322 wrote: Thanks to all for your comments; especially, to you, MauMcL, for such a lovely post. I have been so inspired by so many on this site. As far as planning for slip-ups. Well, my plan is this. One slip-up, I quit. Have rationalized too many times before and will not do it again. Have reached that point in my life.

Good clarity.

[MauMcL]

NOT Drinking

mario;786334 wrote: hi new creation :imho2: For the majority of abusers of alcohol, moderation is an unrealistic goal and merly wishfull thinking, having said that there is a good moderation thread here and also in the long term abstainers thread a post about :slipping:check them out :goodjob:

I love your responses, Mario. You are one wise dude. Peace. :h

[spedteach]

NOT Drinking

Ditto MauMcl, what a lot of work you put into this plan and what a lot of work implementing it. Do you really think it matters to other people whether you drink or not? Would it matter to you if someone in your social circle refused a glass of wine at dinner.
Good luck to you New Creation. There are many here with you in this struggle.

[Boss.man]

NOT Drinking

I still drink, and 2 makes sense. But I have a different way to do it. My rule is "never get a buzz". That means not even one drink, the way most people drink.

Mostly now I drink wine. What I do is water it down about 5-1 with water, and then add some Stevia sweetener to sweeten it back up. I do this at parties and restaurants too. That way i can still have four or five "drinks" just like everyone else. But in my case, that translates to 4-5 oz of wine over a three hour period. Not enough to get a buzz on.

This eliminates the control problem that would happen if I actually drank at full strength. I know it's not ideal. People look at me strange if I doctor up some really fine wine. But hey, it's my glass, right?

Good luck on your plan. Everyone has their own path, and if it meets success it is worthwhile for them.

[Rags]

NOT Drinking

Gee, there seems to be a lot of negative responses to your plan. Think positive and happy. Have you started yet?

[akgirl]

NOT Drinking

I think the plans sounds good. I think I will print it out and give it a try. I like Boss.mans idea too, watering down the wine.....very creative.

Of course there are pros and cons but it is what works for you. I like the idea of a happy medium. I just haven't been able to "cross over" to being AF so maybe this will help get there.

I had a rough holiday and am looking forward to starting the new year with a positive attitude and a fresh start.

Happy New Year Everyone

[suzie t]

NOT Drinking

Hi there I am now 6.5 months sober and loving it (well, most of the time) I drank for 35 years, still worked and raised a family but became desperate enough to join AA - it saved my life. I had tried to quit a few times, and then thought I could take a drink, not so, each time the alcoholic mind would come back and the desire for more drinking - the best thing I learned is alcoholism is a 'disease' and genetic - no fault of ours, so acceptance is the only way to a new life 'one day at a time'.

all the very best to you.