Why Do You Drink?
Trying to be high and mighty at this juncture...would be a little soon to point out to people why they had "their reasons/excuses".
For the record my intention was not to give offence. Merely to raise a few questions that might lead to some useful discussion. I am not feeling anything like high and mighty ? but I would be lying to you and myself if I said I didn?t feel absolutely wonderful about my progress. Why shouldn?t I celebrate success? Why should I shrink to fit in with anyone else?s ideas about my three month abstinence and what it should mean to me? I think it?s marvellous. I?ve done darned well so far and I look forward to further progress. You?ll be telling me next that over-confidence is a sign of imminent relapse? Ha! Right!
If I didn?t make myself clear enough last time I?ll try to do better this time.
The reason I said that the word ?why? tends to throw people back defensively on their heels is that it doesn?t tend to produce options or solutions. It tends to produce justifications is all. To use a very simple analogy-if you ask a child ?why? he hit his sister he might say ??Because she stole my pencil?. Now if you were to ask him ?what? he was trying to achieve by his behaviour ?he might say ?I was trying to get my pencil back? And you?d then be in a position to have a dialogue with him about better ways to get his pencil back without resorting to violence.
The point I was trying to make is that you tend to get better solutions when you ask more open questions.
I don?t think it does any harm to ask ourselves what our drinking has been trying to achieve for us. And to keep on asking. Sometimes it is possible to get that the positive intention of the habit without engaging in the habit itself.
Whilst I try to respect other people?s beliefs it?s good to remember that we don?t all share the same beliefs about the nature of change. It seems to me that beliefs have us. I?m not interested in whether alcoholism as a disease actually exists. It?s an endless black hole. Some are convinced it is and so can back that up with satisfactory evidence ?others don?t and can back that up with satisfactory evidence. But if it is, all I can say is- it?s an odd kind of disease that arrests itself when you stop aggravating it. Whether it?s a disease or not is not even the point ? it?s what believing that it?s a disease does to people because whatever you believe becomes your reality. If you choose to believe that you?re a lost cause, one drink away from the slippery slope, a victim of a genetically determined disease with no cure, you really have to ask yourself what there is to look forward to? If you are going to look at your alcohol problem with that mind set, you?re going to have a hard job believing that there could ever be another, infinitely more resourceful way to look at it or that there could be any joy or ease attached to becoming sober and continuing to live a sober life.
If you choose to see your problem as a dependency to a drug that can be broken as long as you stay away from it. Well that?s a whole different story, and it seems to me a much more resourceful way to live. Only my beliefs. Please don?t flame me. I am entitled to have beliefs that get good results for me.
Oh and you don?t need to remind me about the genetics thing. Sadly my brother died of alcohol abuse a couple of years ago and my sister is a heavy drinker in denial. I assume I share the genes but I don?t pay much attention to that. You see, I have a wildly different world view to both my late brother and my sister. I don?t believe it?s what happens to you that counts ? only how you deal with it.
Have a great day y?all. Thanks for sharing. And I hope we can continue to talk openly and respectfully about our differing views without engaging in further mind reading.
:thanks:
Trying to be high and mighty at this juncture...would be a little soon to point out to people why they had "their reasons/excuses".
For the record my intention was not to give offence. Merely to raise a few questions that might lead to some useful discussion. I am not feeling anything like high and mighty ? but I would be lying to you and myself if I said I didn?t feel absolutely wonderful about my progress. Why shouldn?t I celebrate success? Why should I shrink to fit in with anyone else?s ideas about my three month abstinence and what it should mean to me? I think it?s marvellous. I?ve done darned well so far and I look forward to further progress. You?ll be telling me next that over-confidence is a sign of imminent relapse? Ha! Right!
If I didn?t make myself clear enough last time I?ll try to do better this time.
The reason I said that the word ?why? tends to throw people back defensively on their heels is that it doesn?t tend to produce options or solutions. It tends to produce justifications is all. To use a very simple analogy-if you ask a child ?why? he hit his sister he might say ??Because she stole my pencil?. Now if you were to ask him ?what? he was trying to achieve by his behaviour ?he might say ?I was trying to get my pencil back? And you?d then be in a position to have a dialogue with him about better ways to get his pencil back without resorting to violence.
The point I was trying to make is that you tend to get better solutions when you ask more open questions.
I don?t think it does any harm to ask ourselves what our drinking has been trying to achieve for us. And to keep on asking. Sometimes it is possible to get that the positive intention of the habit without engaging in the habit itself.
Whilst I try to respect other people?s beliefs it?s good to remember that we don?t all share the same beliefs about the nature of change. It seems to me that beliefs have us. I?m not interested in whether alcoholism as a disease actually exists. It?s an endless black hole. Some are convinced it is and so can back that up with satisfactory evidence ?others don?t and can back that up with satisfactory evidence. But if it is, all I can say is- it?s an odd kind of disease that arrests itself when you stop aggravating it. Whether it?s a disease or not is not even the point ? it?s what believing that it?s a disease does to people because whatever you believe becomes your reality. If you choose to believe that you?re a lost cause, one drink away from the slippery slope, a victim of a genetically determined disease with no cure, you really have to ask yourself what there is to look forward to? If you are going to look at your alcohol problem with that mind set, you?re going to have a hard job believing that there could ever be another, infinitely more resourceful way to look at it or that there could be any joy or ease attached to becoming sober and continuing to live a sober life.
If you choose to see your problem as a dependency to a drug that can be broken as long as you stay away from it. Well that?s a whole different story, and it seems to me a much more resourceful way to live. Only my beliefs. Please don?t flame me. I am entitled to have beliefs that get good results for me.
Oh and you don?t need to remind me about the genetics thing. Sadly my brother died of alcohol abuse a couple of years ago and my sister is a heavy drinker in denial. I assume I share the genes but I don?t pay much attention to that. You see, I have a wildly different world view to both my late brother and my sister. I don?t believe it?s what happens to you that counts ? only how you deal with it.
Have a great day y?all. Thanks for sharing. And I hope we can continue to talk openly and respectfully about our differing views without engaging in further mind reading.
:thanks:
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