Ladies & Gents: I am about to wrap up Week One of being alcohol free. As some of you know who read my story various places on here on NYE I got loaded and fell into the shower in our bathroom (backwards) and hit the back of my head. Yes, I could have died. I have spent the last week feeling so scared wondering if I was going to end up like Natasha Richardson. I am a medical professional, so I had a pretty good handle on what to look out for and told my husband what to watch for. I was too embarrassed & ashamed to go tot he doctor and in my own weird way I decided to put it in God's hands. And even though I was totally drunk I knew I had not lost consciousness when it happened...It was a hellish week though of worry. The entire back of my head was badly bruised (as was the back of one arm which I must have thrown back too). How ridiculous and gross. My story is that I am not a daily drinker...I don't even crave alcohol 6 out of 7 days but on the 7th day watch out! I make up for all the abstinence. I think this is just my personality. I am very extreme. Extremely passionate. Extremely good at my work. Extremely good at binging. I think my problem is a little outside of the box; when I went on an AA on-line meeting some of them were like "Oh you're just once a week? That's nothing to worry about!" I'm sure if you are a daily hard alcohol drinker my problem seems like no biggie. But it is to me. I hate it. So this weekend will be my first weekend of no alcohol in a long long time. Tomorrow night is a party and I am not drinking. I have my plan in place, my exit strategy etc. There were a few times during the week when I felt my stress levels increase and interesting enough I noticed that my reaction was to have a touch of anxiety at the thought of not being able to medicate it this week with alcohol. There were even a few times when I said to myself, "Well geez maybe you could have it in this or that situation..." Then I said to myself, "NO." Stop making compromises, MauMcL. You are only thinking this because a) the weekend is approaching and b) your head is feeling better. So I guess what I am trying to say is I noticed that addictive side attempting to assert itself. I let myself have the thought, noticed it, and then responded. I think this internal dialogue will be happening for a long long time since I have spent 3/4 of my life so far drinking. I started at age 12 and am 49 now. Yikes. So I hope each and every one of you meets your goals this weekend and I wish you much fun & peace.
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Congratulations on your AF week!
It's crazy the damage we do to ourselves, isn't it? I fell head first into a wall once and had a huge lump on my forehead the next day, plus all the cuts and bruises along the way.
I think there are plenty of other bingers here as well as daily drinkers and people who only have a few glasses, so I hope you feel at home as it were.
Onwards and upwards!sigpic
AF since December 22nd 2008
Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman -
Week One - AF 100% !!
Thank you Marshy, you too! It's hard, but anything worth attaining in Life is.Marshy;787802 wrote: Congratulations on your AF week!
It's crazy the damage we do to ourselves, isn't it? I fell head first into a wall once and had a huge lump on my forehead the next day, plus all the cuts and bruises along the way.
I think there are plenty of other bingers here as well as daily drinkers and people who only have a few glasses, so I hope you feel at home as it were.
Onwards and upwards!Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Congratulations on your AF week Mau!
Stay focused, the weekend will go by quickly.
Years ago I managed to fall down a full flight of steps (at home), landed on the back of my head, fractured my skull, developed a huge sub dural hematoma requiring surgery........
We medical professionals really know how to do it, don't we?? The real sad part is I started drinking again within the year. I guess I didn't learn my lesson! The good news is I will be one year AF in March and if I can do it - you can too!!!
Keep going & best wishes!
LavAF since 03/26/09
NF since 05/19/09
Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Mau, you can do it! Exit plan is a must, keep bussy. :/AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014
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Week One - AF 100% !!
The longest journey begins with the smallest steps. Congrats on one week.
Lets' keep it going!
comCom1Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
That rocks!!! Congratulations!!sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
:yay: :happy: Congratulations. No one's problem is too small. The size of a problem depends on how close you standing to it. I did terrible damage to my body, my family, my reputation, but that's the past, and the future's SO BRIGHT, I HAVE TO WEAR SHADES!! LOLsigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Great job, MauMcL! A great idea to have a plan when going out. Hope you enjoyed yourself!Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Wow, Lavande, that is so scary! I know I had a bruise at the back of my head but I was lucky enough it stopped there. I can easily relive it just by touching the back of my head.
Well, I did not make it through the party w/o any drinks. I am not that mad about it though. No, this is not me in denial or giving up on my goal of AF!
What happened is that I had a memorial celebration to go to beforehand...A 55 year old colleague of mine died suddenly on NYE, a mother & wife. STRESS. There was an open bar there. Got through that AF which I consider a big achievement! I was so anxious going into it.
Then I came home & worked out. Then I ATE instead of going into the party on an empty stomach like I usually do. I made a conscious decision to have a few glasses of wine that afternoon. I know that sounds so ridiculous after all my postings this week! But for me to go to a party not stressed (because I made the time to work out!), nourished (because I made the time to eat!) and with a plan was HUGE for me.
I am so glad that I was able to go to a party have a few glasses of wine, STOP, not make an ass of myself and feel pretty good the next day (not perfect...I never feel 100% no matter what if I have had even as much as a sip...).
On Sunday morning I did something good for myself which I am doing for 8 weeks: I am taking tennis lessons! This is going to be a huge Sat. night AF motivator for me. It was rough physically but also a blast (I used to be a pretty decent player).
I was afraid to post this during the weekend as I did not want to "trigger" anyone. "Oh fuck it if MauMcL is having a glass then so should I...." I hope I have not. Again, I am not a believer for the most part in moderation management...I still believe AF is the BEST, OPTIMAL choice for almost all of us here (but it's not for me to decide that; I can only decide for myself...). Making it past a Friday night w/o drinking was a major accomplishment for me even tho' I did end up having a few on Saturday (that part is hard to explain. I just have Friday HH in my blood...Literally).
I know I have to be honest with not just myself, but also I have to be honest here. No more lies and secrecy. In that spirit, I have fully disclosed my weekend to you guys my comrades! I think if you can get your demons out here it can go a long way.
Love and Peace,
MauMcL
Here's to an AF week!
Good luck. I am feeling capable and excited about being sober today.Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
wonderful
Thank you all . I'm new to the site and you have given me the notion that I might even be able to become the person my family thinks I am.
Today is my first AF day. I want to find enough energy to excersise regularly, but I'm still feeling like a waste of space. Any suggestions, folks?Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Just read the stories here. They are very motivating. And, the "Tools" thread. Good luck, crocus. There are a lot of supportive folks on this site.Comment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Hey MauMcL,
Sorry to hear about your friend and good job getting through the memorial. Isn't it strange how conviction to remain totally AF after seriously injuring oneself can fade as the bruises heal? Guess that's the nature of the beast though. Glad you were able to keep your intake down on Saturday and arrive safely back home and here.
You mentioned that moderation isn't for you, so what is the plan? For the record, I agree with the MWO posters here and disagree with the AA-online folks about the drinking. A problem is a problem is a problem. Don't ever let the fact that some people have/had different drinking patterns than you ever undermine your knowledge of what you know is right for you.
Sending tons of support,
LodesComment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Hi lodestar,lodestar;789141 wrote: Hey MauMcL,
Sorry to hear about your friend and good job getting through the memorial. Isn't it strange how conviction to remain totally AF after seriously injuring oneself can fade as the bruises heal? Guess that's the nature of the beast though. Glad you were able to keep your intake down on Saturday and arrive safely back home and here.
You mentioned that moderation isn't for you, so what is the plan? For the record, I agree with the MWO posters here and disagree with the AA-online folks about the drinking. A problem is a problem is a problem. Don't ever let the fact that some people have/had different drinking patterns than you ever undermine your knowledge of what you know is right for you.
Sending tons of support,
Lodes
The bruises have healed but the spiritual/emotional trauma has not. And I think that's probably a good thing. It's pretty easy for me to remember that I almost broke my neck. My plan right now is to keep working towards AF, that the 7th day be AF along with the other 6. Beyond that, I can't make any promises to myself or anyone else. Every day I have to live with a partner who drinks...So even getting it down to zero 6 days a week and a few glasses of wine and nothing more on the 7th is a huge achievement. But again, my long-term goal for myself is to be AF all week long...Best, MauMcLComment
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Week One - AF 100% !!
Hi Mau,
Pursuing permanent abstinence as a goal is a huge step. Even though I haven't had a drink since October, I still haven't jumped that hurdle. I find I can mostly commit to a week in advance, but sometimes just a day ahead...and occasionally only an hour. I've made it farther AF than I ever expected, as my initial goal was to be a moderate drinker. Thanks to learning on MWO, the courageous stories of people like you, and the support I've found here I've been able to re-evaluate my past alcohol use and have found being AF liberating in so many unanticipated ways. Congratulations on your progress and may we continue on a path to remove the destruction of alcohol from our lives.
Kind regards,
LodesComment
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