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**Zeppie2** · January 17, 2010, 02:36 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Hiya T2L

Congrats on your 8 days AF - that's brilliant

It will get easier going out and not drinking in time, but for now just stay on guard. Find a yummy non-al drink that you like to replace the wine you would normally have. And come up with an escape plan if things get difficult with socialising.

**Lavande** · January 17, 2010, 04:18 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Hi T2L,

Congrats on your 8 AF days!

It does get easier as you go along but for now - there's nothing wrong with being a bit of a hermit if it helps you stay on track! I did it too for several months, until I felt sytronger, more confident.

If you are visiting your kids it should be fairly easy to just tell them 'No thanks' if offered wine. I haven't openly discussed my AFness with my kids but they pretty much know I wanted to (needed to) quit. They drink around me, they don't offer me anything alcoholic and that's just fine. I guess you just have to figure out a comfortable way for you. I don't expect everyone around me to be AF, they don't have a problem - I do.

I wish you continued success. Drop in the Newbies Nest thread and the January Just Do It thread - let us know how you are doing

Lav

**caysea** · January 17, 2010, 04:41 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Hi All
Time I can write about my failures at this point and see why I failed in the past. This was before I found MWO. I would not drink for a week and then the weekend would come and my social life centered around friends who drank. I would try to hang out with the other couples and white knuckle it trying not to drink too only fail. I didn't have not drinking as my number one priority. After finding this site and reading about what others did I realized I would have to avoid social situations which involved drinking. For the first 6 months of making living a sober life my number one priority i avoided all drinking situations. Yes difficult but I had to until I broke away from the grasp al had on my life. Yes I became selfish and made my sobriety the most important thing in my life. Yes it worked.If you were sick and had to avoid certain situations for your health would you. Well it is the same we are sick. We need to build a solid foundation before we can place ourselves in certain situations.
You have family obligations. I told my family members I couldn't drink because I was on medication.It then removes the pressure and they didn't bug me to join in.
I will say this was the hardest area for me to deal with in the beginning along with the cravings. I did have many years of al in my life maybe you don't need to do what I did. Only you can decide to what level of commitment will be require to get al out of your life.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

**savon19** · January 17, 2010, 04:46 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Wow T2L - a week in Wine Country with good wine "flowing"...! You DO have a challenge.

Being so close to the New Year, you could always say you're doing a Get Healthy cleanse type of thing... But I could see them saying, Oh, but you MUST try This excellent one! OH boy.

Is it possible for you to moderate?

**KateH1** · January 17, 2010, 05:27 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

T2L!! Fantastic!! Well done! Yes, it was really tough for me in the beginning also. I found I was better off staying away from any and all alcohol centered events for the first few months! I know myself well and I knew that I might just cave......for the past year or so, I am fine around alcohol and I know that I will not drink!

A week in wine country does sound like a challenge! For many years, my husband and I were wine connesieurs.....we prided ourselves on only drinking "The Best"....LMAO! Well, The Best and the Finest is still poison to an alcoholic or problem drinker! And....the end result of drinking it and the after affects are the same as drinking boxed wine!

You are on the right track.....be careful of talking yourself into the idea that suddently You Can Control Alcohol, all the while Knowing that IT HAS ALWAYS Controlled You!

I Wish You Much Success!
Kate

**dancelot** · January 17, 2010, 05:41 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Time2live -

I agree with caysea. Some situations should maybe be avoided, at least for the time being. If you absolutely have to go into these situations, the medication story is a good one. So is being the designated driver.If you are comfortable telling people you have quit, do so. I usually found them to be OK with it and respectful of a "no thank you", whether I gave a reason or not. Most people aren't as enamored of AL as we are. Can you have your husband back you up if need be?

While being able to moderate may seem like a "lesser evil" option, it is opening the door to giving yourself permission. It's another EXCUSE not to stay sober.

For me, I know 1 or 2 is a slippery slope - before becoming AF, I did this for a couple of weeks - only had a max of 2, when out, on Saturday nights, but decided I liked it so much, I went back to having more at home - and back I slid, BIG time.

At the end of my first week AF, I had a concert I had been looking forward to, held in a club, and I was aware of the possibility of being tempted to drink. I had a plan in place, I ordered a Diet Dr. Pepper the minute I entered and savored it like my life depended on it, and I have stayed AF since. I will add in my case, I drank more heavily at home, was able to limit myself while out, and save the heavy drinking for later. Knowing YOUR own particular pattern of drinking (places, situations, etc) is crucial. We will all have to face these challenges at some point - AL will always be around somewhere. But if you feel you need another month, months, whatever, away, then do it. I felt I didn't want to give up doing things, but I did have a firm plan and escape route in place. And I was a worse at home drinker.

Stay strong, you are doing great, take it a day or hour or minute at a time - know it can be done! I'm past 5 months AF now, and did it coming here, listening to advice on what works, and asking questions when I wasn't sure. I wish you much success - Much love!

**jada** · January 17, 2010, 05:48 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

I tell eveyone that I am on a natural kick and will not put anything in my body, including soda, etc, that is not healthy.

**time2live** · January 18, 2010, 11:20 AM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Thank you so much for your great responses. You guys have some really good ideas. I think for this Friday, I will just ask, as someone said, for a soft drink and make it last. It is the week in CA that I'm really worried about. I am still pondering that one. Even though the kids certainly won't force it on me, they will most definitely be drinking wine (my fave) every day. I hope I can be strong enough to avoid it. One minute at a time! I need to remember that. Also, I think I will mention to them that I'm not drinking so they know in advance and may not come on as strongly. When we are visiting, they look at it as sort of a vacation for themselves also. God help me.

T2L

**Heliodore** · January 20, 2010, 05:56 AM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

TimetoLive (what a great name!) - I feel inspired to respond to you although I'm new here and a bit shy of jumping in. We have a lot in common by the sound of it: I too am only an evening drinker: only ever wine but often the whole bottle, often at the cost of going out or seeing a friend, and often alone (I used to think drinking alone was romantic but I am not so sure these days.) Still, what I have to say may be unhelpful - I'm really sorry if it is - but it feels important to ask: You've come to MyWayOut rather than AA so is there not a question you're asking yourself around moderation rather than complete abstinence? Roberta Jewell has built a whole ethos around creating for oneself a bespoke relationship with alcohol, as she did for herself. She wholly recommends spending the first month alcohol-free, to create some distance and momentum and perspective. But she does not say that alcohol-free forever is the only way. Now I know that for some - many, at the moment in our AA-led society mentality - total abstinence is the safest way, perhaps the only safe way; but that isn't what RJ's way is offering. My own discovery of these new possibilities is like a wonderful new view offered to me. Suddenly the craving to buy a bottle of wine on the way home is far far less menacing because I can think to myself that one day I will have learned enough to be able to have one glass of lovely wine, with a friend perhaps; I am not forced into an extreme corner of myself which has to forever renounce something. So that some day in the future I will have a relationship with wine which, because it is based on moderation, is no longer a doomed embittered love affair gone wrong but a nice, steady friendship. I make no assumptions, it is early days. But I know that RJ's broad vista and dedication to detail has already[/i] helped me and so I thought it might - just might - help you too.

**beatle** · January 20, 2010, 07:21 AM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

As Heliodore says, taking away the forbiddenness of alcohol (NO WAY, NEVER EVER!) is very helpful to me. I can't stand people (including myself) telling me what to do -- I have a compulsion to do the opposite. So by saying ok, I can drink if I want to but I really don't want to, works much better for me.

Also, the designated driver trick is tried and true, plus, you will become very popular (or much more popular)!

**momof3** · January 20, 2010, 07:38 AM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Well Done

Well Done!

What you are experiencing right now is perfectly normal and I agree with what folks such as Caysea and Kate said. I too avoided all al situations for quite a while, at least 6 months. Much of my social life revolved around drinking and it was not easy. I have friends who are big big wine enthusiasts whom I drank with for over 25 years and you know what? They did not even blink an eye when I said "no thanks." They love me and they understood.

It does get easier and there will be a time when you will be around those who drink and it won't be a issue.

M3

**JimBeam911** · January 20, 2010, 01:39 PM

Eight Days now with one huge scare!

Time2live,

You raise a tough problem, one I've been dealing with recently as well. So far I haven't had too much of a struggle laying off alcohol during the week, but every weekend so far this year some major social event has happened. The first weekend of 2010 a close friend who lives in another country came to visit, and being old drinking buddies, I made an exception and drank with her. I was able to lay off alcohol during the week, only to be invited to a friend's condo the following Friday, someone I haven't seen in a while, so once again, I made an exception to drink. The problem is, of course, that there will ALWAYS be social events with alcohol on the horizon, so to my mind if it's really as hard of a struggle as you indicate, perhaps sitting a few out might be in order. I know it sucks, and I can relate to being a very social person. I'll also emphasize that this is solely based on my own experience, but unfortunately it can be really hard to sit back with a soft drink at a social function when drinking is going on, particularly in the early days of going AF. I used to attend events anyway and just tough it out, but my recent experience has convinced me that I need to lay low for a while. At this point in my life, I'd rather nip my drinking problem in the bud at the expense of missing a few social engagements.

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