I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

[hart]

Hey, I am AF day 23, great right. But I have been hanging by my thumb nails AND starting to regress to other bad behaviors I haven't engaged in since I started drinking heavily. On another board someone called me a dry drunk. BINGO :egad:

I am a dry drunk!

While my resolve to quit drinking is great and I don't regret it, I thought to myself SHIT, I am a dry drunk......

Anyone else feel this way......?

[bestlifeldms]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Dear hart,

Yes... We are. I have found that being sober leads progressively to a better and much improved quality of life. However, since we are addictive personalities (and in many cases OCD) we are prone to replace one addiction with another / others. I am a little over 21 months AF and have gone through several "replacement behavours". Just being aware that this is a possibility / probability puts us at much better odds of being successful. Seeing this as a continuing process makes us more likely to succeed, as well.

I am not aware of a specific book or website that lays out the road map ahead. Maybe another member could post a good source of information.

Keep going, it only gets better and more awesome.

Hugs, Best

[Marshy]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

I've never understood what dry drunk means. Is that it - replacing drinking with some other behaviour?

[Cinders]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Hart,

I am with you.

What do we replace the "bad" stuff with?

Love
Cindi

[hart]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

No Marshy, it's still having all the cravings, thoughts of drinking occupying your mind, etc. The replacing behavior is a coping mechanism....a good one, unless you replace drinking with another bad behavior, which is what I'm struggling not to do.

[hart]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

That's the key question, all right. I have been getting online a lot, but I do need to interact with my hubby a little, he seems to expect it

[greeneyes]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

I thought it was a person who had quit drinking but was still angry about giving it up. A friend referred to someone once as having been a dry drunk (past tense) and I asked what he meant. He said the friend was very irritable, etc for about a year after he had to quit drinking but then got back to being his old self. He said it took him a year to figure out how to laugh and have fun just being himself.

Dry Drunk - Dry Drunk Syndrome

[Marshy]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

hart;794888 wrote: No Marshy, it's still having all the cravings, thoughts of drinking occupying your mind, etc. The replacing behavior is a coping mechanism....a good one, unless you replace drinking with another bad behavior, which is what I'm struggling not to do.

Ah, I see. That's only to be expected isn't it? It's been a looong relationship with alcohol for a lot of us and it takes a while to get over.

Exercise, exercise, exercise!

Congrats on the 23 days Hart!

[KateH1]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Hmmm....interesting topic, Hart. Here are my thoughts.....for years we focused on drinking...pretty much everything else was secondary...yes, most of us managed to hold our lives together at some level, going to work, having a home etc. But drinking was still our focus. Then we stop drinking and it is a lot of white knuckling in those early days and weeks.

We begin to feel physicly better almost immediately, but our until we make other changes our lives are still the same as when we were drinking....we need to make more changes.

I remember when I was a couple of months sober, Starlight Impress posted about the need to take our lives to the next level after we stop drinking and actually "Change the Way We Live"....it resonated with me! So, over the past two years, I have done a lot of reading and meditating and I have made both major and minor changes in my life. Today I am truly living without alcohol and not missing it at all!

Hart, you are so early in sobriety and doing a great job! But realize too....that you are creating a new life for yourself and many of the old ways and old thinking do not work any more!

Do something different today! Something you might not have done for years!! And....be patient....this all takes time!

XXX Kate

[MauMcL]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

I have a few thoughts regarding this. I got some materials from "Women for Sobriety" and it was quite interesting (my reaction to them). Now this is a group for women but I have to think that an equivalent group exists for men. Part of what you have to do is get up and meditate 15 min. every morning on something specific to their program (they outline it for you).

I do feel that it is not always enough to just "quit" drinking. You also have to "change" yourself...You have to take steps to make your life better, and that is work. It's so easy to drink. Changing is WORK!

I guess what I am saying is I read it and was like, "Wow, 15 minutes earlier every morning? I love my sleep!" I did not want to have to WORK. But when I think about it, if you take these 15 minutes they probably pale in comparison to the hours I have spent hungover, drinking, worry about drinking, worry about not drinking, etc.

Unless something changes, just taking away the alcohol doesn't necessarily help you change for the better. It's a HUGE step obviously, but I feel strongly there is other companion work that needs to be done for a person to be truly in recovery! Just my 2 cents.

Love to all today. Have a sober day.

[Time4Change1]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Hey guys, im on the end of week 2 being af. I went out last night to a bar with friends. well a band show where lots were drinking. i said no and had to admit to my friend i couldnt or would get nauteous ( taking antabuse) when she kept insisting i take a sip of her drink. i hate talking about it with people in my life. anyway, it was rather boring being there and it gave me no pleasure to be out when normally id have enjoyed it. because i wanted to drink obvousally and also because it adds more excitement to the music and atmosphere. the fear i have of not drinking for awhile makes me feel like i wont have my lows yes, but i wont have my highs either... excitement.. etc... am i just feeling like this because its so early in my sobriety or does this feeling never really go away when your sober for awhile?

[JimBeam911]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

greeneyes;794892 wrote: I thought it was a person who had quit drinking but was still angry about giving it up.

This is how I understand the concept. Years ago, during a brief stint in AA, I was warned that giving up alcohol would not result in recovery for me, and that if I wanted to 'truly' recover I would have to adamantly embrace the principles of AA. The implication was clearly that without embracing the principles of AA, I would not 'really' recover and in turn would fall victim to 'dry drunk syndrome'. This kind of thinking subsequently led me to quit AA, as no one was able to provide any credible reasons to me as to why this was true.

That said, there is a kernel of truth in the notion that merely giving up alcohol doesn't automatically lead to an improved life. Many of us have used alcohol as our primary coping mechanism, and while we surely feel physically better in the first weeks of giving up the booze, it can be overwhelming to suddenly experience reality as we were meant to, being subject to the full range of human emotions and responses to life's events, both good and bad. As a result, it shouldn't be surprising that many of us will become confused, irritable, depressed, etc, or that we seek out other coping mechanisms that run the risk of leading to deleterious consequences.

However, like some people touched upon above, the key seems to be to find coping mechanisms that are healthy. Many of us handled life fine before getting addicted to alcohol, and can do so again.

[Jackie M]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Hart-
I was in the "dry drunk" mode for five years. I believe I used alcohol to fill a "hole in my soul". Once the alcohol was gone, the hole was still there and I didn't realize I needed to fill it with something positive.
Because of this, some things in my life actually got worse when I quit drinking. For years my husband told me that all of our problems stemmed from my drinking. When I quit, nothing changed. I didn't have my best friend alcohol to turn to and I ended up with severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
After five years of being sober I started to drink again as it initially calmed me down. I was sure I could keep my drinking under control after five years of abstinence. Wrong, wrong, wrong. All I did was add to my anxiety and depression.
I realize now that quitting drinking is only one piece of the puzzle for me. I have to acknowledge that "hole in my soul" and try to fill it with something healthy. For me that has meant lots of exercise, yoga, and meditation.
The book "Freedom from Addiction" by Deepak Chopra helped me see my drinking in a different light. It is an interesting book if you are into alternative perspectives.
Good luck on your journey and finding what works for you.
Jackie M

[bestlifeldms]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Wow! These are all good, thought provoking replies. One more observation that I have, looking back at the days, weeks, months of sobriety, I am experiencing... I went from doing exactly what Kate describes.

My thoughts were consumed with drinking or thoughts of drinking.

after I quite drinking...

My thoughts were consumed with not drinking or that fact that I didn't drink anymore.

when we actually take it to the next level...

We no longer think of either. We are living...

This doesn't mean that I don't think about alcohol, having drank, or not drinking - ever. It just becomes something that crosses your mind from time to time. And your mind is refocused and filled with other, new activity that has taken the place of those former thoughts.

Hugs, Best

[hippie37]

I Just Realized I'm a Dry Drunk!

Giving up the drink was the easy part for me but staying stopped was where my downfall came. The term 'dry drunk' in relation to my own experience was that I had only accepted my alcoholism at an intellectual level and not at a deeply personal level. I understood about addiction and what it meant to be an addict but concerning my own TRUTH (not what I'd read and intellectualised and philosophised over!) I was still in the dark. I knew SFA about my own behaviours because they had become 'normal' behaviour for me. I needed other people in recovery (in my case addiction therapists/counselors) to point it out.

hart, it's really good that someone has pointed this out for you so don't take it the wrong way. If the intention was to help you rather than point the finger, as such, then it's a step in the right direction. We have to remember that none of us have fingers clean enough to point! When we think we have all the answers we are unteachable and we always need to remain teachable in order to grow. If it's hit a raw nerve I would say that's your intuition telling you...."Shit, she's right!".

It's good you are honest about these things as well because most people would be cursing and telling them in no uncertain terms where to go. I know I would of been and I'd be full of resentments towards that person. "How dare they make judgments on my sobriety!" etc etc.

And in answer to Cindi's question "What do we replace the "bad" stuff with?" There is only ONE thing that will replace that "bad stuff" for me and that ONE thing, I choose to call god consciousness.

Love and Light
Phil
xx