The never ending circle....

[universal]

I need advice. I am in the never ending circle. I can go 15 - 20 days without al. and then I end up with a stressed out day at work or a fight at home and I cope with Al. which then pisses off my husband. which then stresses me out more. which then makes me drink more. It's the never ending circle of stress=Al=more stress=more al.


Fuck.................

[cowgal]

The never ending circle....

uni

first off, thanks for your support and love and prayers through the years, esp recently.................I have no great advice, I usually try AF, then something happens like last Tues., which I have NEVER ever thought would happen in my lifetime, esp to me.................Is there a support group, anyone who you can rely on to be there, a phone call away, or a few are better................do you WANT to be af, or are you still thinking you can moderate??? That was my problem until last week, or I guess 2 weeks ago...........now I know there is no such thing, and I feel better knowing that.

I choose to go to a special aa meeting where I feel comfy, it is small, lots of people I am close to..............helped me through this last an hopefully final crisis...............helped me move furniture, you wouldn't beleive the support they love to give:l:h...........it helps them!!

It helps me to try to be here and help others, hope just being here can help u!!:h

lots of love,:l:h

MA

[startingover]

The never ending circle....

Hi Uni, I used to be like you too, never quite being able to say goodbye to alc. There was always a good reason why I 'needed' a drink. Eventually I hit my rock bottom I suppose, shame, depression and fear sent me scurrying for help.
So, I made a pact with myself, that come hell or high water, I wasnt going to drink and I was going to make a life for myself....somehow. I didnt really believe it to start and it was hard. But it was those bad memories that kept me going.
Would it help for you to write down in graphic detail about the times you have been drunk? The things you've said, done and felt? Keep it will you and use it to your advantage.
Good luck girl.

[MauMcL]

The never ending circle....

universal;801830 wrote: I need advice. I am in the never ending circle. I can go 15 - 20 days without al. and then I end up with a stressed out day at work or a fight at home and I cope with Al. which then pisses off my husband. which then stresses me out more. which then makes me drink more. It's the never ending circle of stress=Al=more stress=more al.


Fuck.................

I have the same problem. I have a very stressful job and three teenagers. I am finding that exercise helps. Do you have some sort of regime in place? It really helps to have that constant stream of endorphins.

What are you and your husband fighting about if you don't mind me asking? Is there anyway you can just "step away" instead of engaging and stressing yourself out?

Peace & Good luck to you.

[greeneyes]

The never ending circle....

HI uni! :l:l New house, new job, same problem. Hummmm.... Uni, you are a top achiever in your work, you made it through the move, the great flood, that never ending illness... you are one strong cookie. But leaving the door cracked for AL is causing you misery. I think starty is right and it may be time for you to give up the notion of being a moderate drinker. Even if it is the notion of the beer after a game, the idyllic setting on holiday, the nice dinner out, it is still permission in you mind and I think that leaks into the less idyllic situations. Is it worth it uni? That's what you have to decide. I know you can do it if you make up your mind. It's just not looking like you can have it both ways. Think on it uni. :h

[brittzak]

The never ending circle....

Hey Uni....what has finally worked for me is I STOPPED fighting myself constantly. I can't drink. I dont DESERVE a drink on a bad day...because I DONT deserve to be freaking miserable for 3-4 days after a drinking binge. I deserve to be happy...I am choosing to be happy and AF. It isnt easy some days, but I want to be a good Mom, a good boss at work, a good friend....just a freaking good person and drunk...I make stupid mistakes and I am mean as hell to those I love the most. Let go of the inner fight. You arent winning it and you will never win it because we are who we are and that is someone that can not drink. Call me if I can ever be a support for you.

[willow20]

The never ending circle....

i read all these posts. i'm searching for something, i don't know what it is, somebody to explain to me that the feelings i have when i'm drinking are not real ones. i drank beer last friday with friends it went great. last night i had 2 wines and then stopped and bought a bottle of wine to bring home which i shared with my husband. he went to bed i stayed up reading but really drinking. three juice and vodkas after 4 wines. the whole time i was drinking it i was having a conversation with myself about how all the things i read here and trying to convince myself i was somehow different.
i even saw a woman in the liquor store who "looked" the part. she was buying the cheapest vodka, she looked so sad, embarrassed. i was not her. until now. now there is no difference between us.

[universal]

The never ending circle....

Thanks guys,

Greeny and Britz.......you are right. It's time. It's time for reality. And reality for me is I can't moderate. Period.

Thanks for the clarity guys, love you.

[Doggygirl]

The never ending circle....

All the best to you Uni. I'm late to this thread but FWIW, this journey got a bit easier for me too once I finally gave up that last little bitty piece of my soul that I was saving for AL.

Hopefully your next AF stretch will confirm for you the promise of how good an AF life will be. Instead of the false hope that maybe you're not addicted after all. (assuming that might be part of the inner battle.)

Willow, facing up to the similarities we have with other alkies rather than constantly just looking for how we are different (and therefore must not have a problem) is a big step in the right direction. Congratulations. We with alk problems are from every walk of life there is.

DG

[brittzak]

The never ending circle....

Willow...u are not alone. Do you know how many times I have looked at other people and said..."well, I am not that bad". Why because I still fixed my hair, went to work...well honey...I hit bottom too. Bottom isn't pretty. It is very sobering when you realize you are starting to look the part, isn't it?