From dictinary.com:
so?ber –adjective
1. not intoxicated or drunk.
2. habitually temperate, esp. in the use of liquor.
3. quiet or sedate in demeanor, as persons.
4. marked by seriousness, gravity, solemnity, etc., as of demeanor, speech, etc.: a sober occasion.
5. subdued in tone, as color; not gay or showy, as clothes.
6. free from excess, extravagance, or exaggeration: sober facts.
7. showing self-control: sober restraint. (I like this one)
8. sane or rational: a sober solution to the problem.
9. to make or become sober: (often fol. by up).
The notion of LIVING SOBER - what actually does it look like? What might it be for me? Do you want Sober? Is sober really as a Judge? Perhaps, this is my uncovered new goal, as it does not seem to reqire complete and permanent abstinence, just restraint. I don't think I am fooling myself, or avoiding a need for being AF, at times. Maybe its, simply, not getting drunk that matters.
I am beginning another AF stint again, after the the last one transformed into moderation. I did use some restraint and self control, being able to stop and retire 'sober'. But I want to experience that improved self awareness that comes with consciously (and completely) avoiding - for awhile - to do it again and see where it goes.
So, I am again contemplating the definition of sober. I think 'Sober" may be a realistic goal because when I did a 40 day AF stint, and a 100 day stint, I got caught up in the counting - the insessant counting and self-induced failure if I didn't keep adding days. Yuk, that's misery to define your self as 'failing'. What is the measuring stick? For me, I need a different concept, not simply AF or Mod. Maybe its 'Sober living'.
Many here will say, don't kid yourself, its gotta be total AF - and I know that is true for many. Isn't that always the dilema for us - AF or can we mod? That miserable internal & external debate. My current thinking is that defining sober and living a sober life may be the most realistic goal for me. It won't be easy because if & when I do have a drink, I will have to stop, or I fail. So, for now, when I look at the future, it will be AF a lot, and stopping when not AF. Conquering the stopping, that's the challenge.
Rather long thought train.
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