What happened to me?

[sick of being sick]

How did I go 2 weeks sober, then slipped and started again and after only 9 days, drank AGAIN? How did I get through those first 2 weeks in the beginning? I guess I really wanted to quit but I had no idea how hard it was going to be! Last night my husband, who is trying to quit drinking with me, tells me he was bad today and bought a bottle. I come to the site and chat a couple of hours in total panic. Feeling much better, like I could possibly not drink with alcohol in the house, I go into the den and I notice he isn't drinking. So I go look in the cabinet where we once kept vodka, our drink of choice, and see there is a fifth of tequilla which is half empty and a fifth of margerita mix, which I absolutely love! So I pour me a virgin margerita and think this is good, I'll think I'm having a drink, but won't have the alcohol. Second and third drink was a 50/50, then the liquor was gone and so was I. No memory after that. I woke up this morning to 4" of beautiful snow. I live in Miss so it hardly ever snows here! I couldn't even get excited about it. I spent the day feeling guilty, frustrated, hopeless and self hatred. I feel like a hypocrite even coming back to this site, where there are so many wonderful people who are trying so hard. I don't want to be a disappointment or a discourager to anyone! Does an alcoholic ever reach the point of not wanting a drink? Because I am definetly not there. :upset:

[vette]

What happened to me?

good luck-you have not failed....you have learned something. Now use that knowledge to create a life you are happy with and not drink again. I know you can!

[Montana Mommy]

What happened to me?

I know how you feel!!! What the heck!! I don't have the answers just wanted to let you know you are not alone...keep trying!!
Tam

[peacenik]

What happened to me?

my pattern is i get really drunk one or two nights and the hangover kills me, so i don't drink for a good week or so until i "forget" how shitty i felt hungover, and the cycle continues. i find if i can distract myself and definitely NOT HAVE AL in the house, i can get over the hump and at about 9 pm i feel fine about not drinking. try exercise or cook something (bread takes time and is rewarding to bake).
there is a toolbox that you should checkout...there are reat tips there for getting over the hump.

hang in there, it takes alot of trying!

[Hypernova]

What happened to me?

Tight rope analogy

I once remember reading the explanation of trying to help someone else not drink. It said that if someone is out on a tight rope and becomes unsteady and seems like they might fall you cannot go out on the rope to help steady and save that person because then most likely you will both fall. Take care of yourself. We all have to do this essentially by ourselves & for ourselves. I wish you the best with your next attempt and you did not fail nor are you a hypocrite, you just tripped.
H

[gyco]

What happened to me?

understanding

sick of being sick;805101 wrote: How did I go 2 weeks sober, then slipped and started again and after only 9 days, drank AGAIN? How did I get through those first 2 weeks in the beginning? I guess I really wanted to quit but I had no idea how hard it was going to be! Last night my husband, who is trying to quit drinking with me, tells me he was bad today and bought a bottle. I come to the site and chat a couple of hours in total panic. Feeling much better, like I could possibly not drink with alcohol in the house, I go into the den and I notice he isn't drinking. So I go look in the cabinet where we once kept vodka, our drink of choice, and see there is a fifth of tequilla which is half empty and a fifth of margerita mix, which I absolutely love! So I pour me a virgin margerita and think this is good, I'll think I'm having a drink, but won't have the alcohol. Second and third drink was a 50/50, then the liquor was gone and so was I. No memory after that. I woke up this morning to 4" of beautiful snow. I live in Miss so it hardly ever snows here! I couldn't even get excited about it. I spent the day feeling guilty, frustrated, hopeless and self hatred. I feel like a hypocrite even coming back to this site, where there are so many wonderful people who are trying so hard. I don't want to be a disappointment or a discourager to anyone! Does an alcoholic ever reach the point of not wanting a drink? Because I am definetly not there. :upset:

hi sobs > bin there done it is the old saying,actually your very wise just to realise you have the problem,many never get the chance,whether you havei t in the house,we have to lern to live with Al being aroundthe boose stores arent going away,i live rt down the street from one,to your question ,i do beleive over time like stopping smoking and many other habits the feeling goes away,everything takes time and patience i do wish you well you found a great site gyco:goodjob::thanks:

[lodestar]

What happened to me?

Hey Vicki,

You're back. Good job, you. Keep on posting and know that people will be here for support. Your journey is your journey and the beautiful thing is...support along the way. Just hang on in there...you will find your way if you don't quit trying!

:l

[allswell]

What happened to me?

I had a very intense craving about a week ago which occurred, at that point, being just over 30 days sober. It was so strong and happened out of nowhere (also while at the grocery store) all I could do is think about tomorrow, not in the moment. Think about all the positives of no alcohol. It was do-able and got me out of there without my drink of choice. It was alot easier to overcome than some of the cravings I had after two weeks. It does get easier as you accumulate more alcohol free time. Good luck

[Reenie]

What happened to me?

Sick of being sick: I also feel like a hypocrate. The only time I come to this site is when I have fallen off the wagon. I receive lots of encouragement and support from you all, only to mess up again. I am so sick right now, both mentally and physically. I'm praying like mad for God to forgive me....for my husband and family to forgive me and for me to get better.

[rubywillow]

What happened to me?

Reenie and Sick, perhaps it is when you begin to feel confidence after a few days AF, that you need to be here the most. You never have to ask here for forgiveness; there is no judgement. It took relearning a lifestyle for me, and many, many slips. But here I found the people and the tools to help me decide what life I really wanted, and to work towards it. It's not easy, and people with a lot of time still fall, but it's the decision to not quit quitting that carries us on to living a better life.

[sick of being sick]

What happened to me?

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. Hopefully, today will be better. I still feel discouraged, mad at myself and so much guilt, but I cannot lose all hope. I drank for a very long time and I guess it is gonna take a long time to really be free. Thank you for caring and trying to help me. Reenie, I know hard hard it is to forgive yourself. I've struggled with that my whole life. I still replay every mistake I've ever made over and over in my head. I wish I knew the answer. Be sure to know that God does forgive you every time you make a mistake. I'll be praying for you. Love to you all! Vicki

[brittzak]

What happened to me?

Sick pick of of the folks that have been here awhile and go back and read their progress to sobriety. I used to be LUVUALL....I have been here almost 3 years. This fight is HARD! My last binge madde me so sick I haven't touched a drop in almost 7 months...you can and will do this, it is a process.

[tlrgs]

What happened to me?

in order to get what you need and want in life.. you have to really want it in life body and soul and just take it but one day at a time .. there is choice make it .. good luck stay strong and please keep thinking positive

[Hippy Chick]

What happened to me?

S.O.B.S - doesnt matter how many times you start again as long as you keep trying to stay sober. Its when you give up completely that this beast wins and you are the one that looses.
This is no judgement here only people who have been where you are.
Keep on trying.
HC