depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

[looking for peace]

I am reading a novel called "Lit" by Mary Karr. It's an autobiography of a busy wife and mother with some trauma in her past who is dealing with alcoholism. She drinks to deal with her job, child and worsening marriage (sneaks drinks, hides bottles, etc - sounds familiar)

She goes to an AA meeting and is not really sure if she even wants to quit because, according for her, she's never had a DUI, lost a job or had any big trauma as a result of drinking. She really didn't think she was an alcoholic. A woman responds to her by basically telling her that she also didn't have anything bad happen to her so she also wondered if she should stop drinking. But than she realized that "having a bleak inner life is a severe consequence of drinking... even without an external loss such as a job or a child"

That statement shocked me and got me to think. I always felt I had a bleak inner life, but I thought that came first and I was drinking to be able to deal with the depression, and sadness and emptiness. It really never occured to me that it's possible that my life is empty and bleak primarily because I drink. I always thought I was trying to mask the bleakness with the drinking. Is it possible, if I maintain sobriety, that my inner life can improve?

[eight days a week]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

looking for peace;806586 wrote: ...Is it possible, if I maintain sobriety, that my inner life can improve?

YES, absolutely!!

That's the good news. The slightly worse is that it won't be a quick fix. Sobriety will give you the opportunity to seek that peace that you crave (and deserve) but it may take months or even years to find that which you look for. But you will have that chance!! If you carry on drinking, you are just numbing yourself, and preventing yourself ever stepping out on that wonderful journey, and so you will never get to the destination you dream of. Good luck!!

[Lavande]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

I am nearly 11 months AF & I can say for sure that my inner life is improving!
Will it ever be perfect? Probably not.

Every day without AL is a good day. When the days turn into weeks & months you do begin to feel better inside. But kicking AL out of your life is just one step. You need work or making all kinds of changes. For example, embracing gratefulness is wonderful way to improve your life.

Good luck on your journey

[rubywillow]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

IMHO, it is my firm belief that you can have depression without over-drinking, but you can't over-drink without depression. Drinking problems, whether you recognize the consequences or not, cause some of the biggest complications in our lives. We're in denial unless we realize that. I use the example of people who's doctors medicate them heavily after the tragic death of a loved one, supposedly to keep them calm enough to go through the motions for a few days. But at some point, one has to soberly face their grief and the changes in their lives; it's inevitable. When we drink to relieve stress, sadness, coping with unpleasantness, we again are just postponing the inevitable. Eight is right. Unless we learn how to handle our lives, soberly, our outlook is bleak. Every day of sobriety isn't ribbons and rainbows, but it's REAL. I hope this helps you.

[Doggygirl]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

YES!!!! Before I stopped the madness, my drinking took me to a point where I saw absolutely no meaning or purpose in my life, and nothing in front of me but one shitty day after another. I fantasized about suicide and saved up enough prescription pills to carry it out. I did not see drinking as the sole source of this problem at the time, although I did realize I was drinking too much. I had no idea how much alcohol was truly robbing in my life. I have never gotten a DUI either, or lost a job. I WILL say that I knew in my heart that if I didn't get a handle on the drinking, my marriage would eventually go bye bye.

Fast forward since July 11 2007 when I started my first AF stretch here at MWO. The road has been bumpy and I had a relapse and lots of learning. But today my life is so much different. I don't even recognize the suicidal person I was back then. It has taken time and a lot of WORK on my part. (the good things in life don't fall in our laps!!!!) But today I have a life that is full of opportunities and good things.

You can have this too. The woman at AA was right, at least in my case. My depression was absolutely caused by my drinking. Drinking sucked my soul right out of my body.

All the best to you. A good life awaits if you work for it.

DG

[sunshine_gg]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

Yes! Not only possible, but probable, even!

You will have a CLEAR vision. Now, especially at the start of sobriety, you may not like what you see. But, at least, it is REAL. And it will allow you to assess and make changes to your life and find solutions to the problems that are - and no longer waste time on problems that are CAUSED by AL.

Personally, for me, I think it was AL causing depression - not the other way around. AL distorts your perception of everything around you, and even within yourself.

That in itself is pretty depressing, if you ask me

[eight days a week]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

rubywillow;806618 wrote: ... I use the example of people who's doctors medicate them heavily after the tragic death of a loved one, supposedly to keep them calm enough to go through the motions for a few days. But at some point, one has to soberly face their grief and the changes in their lives; it's inevitable...

Absolutely. I think it's OK to use substances to get us through for a few days as long as we're not susceptible to substance abuse. But I watched my dear Mother dying from cancer and she was put on anti-depressants. What I noticed was that the SSRIs (anti-depressants) kept her cheerful most of the time, but then when things built up so strongly, the grief and heartache that came out was almost without end.

I liken it to a rubber ball. When you're drinking or otherwise medicating you might not notice that the ball is being squished tighter and tighter. Eventually, though, whatever you're taking, that ball becomes so small and tight that the pressure must be released. And when it is, it's the accumulated suffering, frustration, and whatever else that must come out, all at once.

Far, far better to deal with things as they come up, imho. That may need us to learn new 'life skills' or rather emotionally better ways of dealing with things, but in my opinion it's the only way ahead. The other path leads to oblivion.

[JimBeam911]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

Drinking definitely makes depression worse. Personally, my depression definitely preceded my discovery of alcohol, but was made 1000% worse by drinking. Basically, heavy drinking made it difficult to distinguish between feelings of legitimate sorrow and the 'bleak inner existence' you describe resulting from punishing my neurotransmitters with booze. After one month off booze my low moods are definitely more manageable, and I find my overall outlook on life has improved. So whether or not depressive symptoms come first, drinking is a poor anti-depressant.

[mollyka]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

Very interested in what everyone has said. The description 'bleak inner existence' rang a bell when I read it. I certainly never described myself as a person with depression, not because its shameful or anything but because I truly didn't believe I had, now I'm wondering. In the depths of my drinking I can remember thinking quite lucidly that nothing really made me feel happy - at all, no joy or excitement in anything and I thought it was just I was getting older and jaded, but now wow, just a few short weeks into this AF thing I feel happy about little things, singing this evening in the car to Gilbert O Sullivan coming home from work, my son scoring a goal yesterday at soccer, my husband kissing me on the head and telling me he is proud of me - before - nothing - now I just feel great - in answer was I depressed, was it just the AL that caused the 'bleak inner existence' I don't know but I do know life is a million times better now!!!ointup:

[Gearhead]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

Yes without a doubt, drinking causes depression. I got incredibly close to suicide while binging. Such thoughts NEVER occur to me in sobriety. We will all have shitty days but alcohol can only make it worse!

[Sarasmiles]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

It doesn't take much alcohol to make me depressed. If I have two glasses of wine for three nights in a row, my mood starts to darken. It's been hard for me to accept that. It seems there are people who can drink that much and be okay. I'm not one of them. I think I'm prone to depression, but that without alcohol I can overcome it. I feel my spirits rise after only two to three days AF. I start to smile and laugh more, get more done, feel hopeful and optimistic, and really enjoy the little things in my life. That's not just because I'm not "hungover". I don't really get a hangover from two glasses of wine. But I get depressed.

I will always remember the first time I got buzzed, as a teenager. I remember thinking it was a fantastic discovery! My shyness was gone! My anxiety vanished! I kissed my boyfriend! Little did I know that that same drug would contribute to years of depression, going off and on anti-depressants, and wondering what was wrong with me. So the tendency was there before adding alcohol. But the alcohol has made it much, much worse, and harder to sort out.

What a gift it is to be able to just not drink, and feel the dark clouds drift away!

[someone_else]

depression cosequence of drinking or visaversa?

Thanks for this post! Very helpful...