fallen to drink after spousal abuse

[ladyjan]

just wondeing if any other women have drank heavier after spousal abuse..?

I have drank all my life but it really got bad after my ex partner, the father of my little boy physically and mentally abused me.
he hit me when I was pregnant, when my baby was just 11 days old, badly.. but I stayed with him..stupid huh..?
and I know now it was when I hit the bottle big time.
at the time I didn't know what I was doing..I think I drank so I could be numb to it..I don't know..??
but it was then that my drinking escalated..
I can see it now as I am recovering, but I still have so many questions..
just wondered if anybody else had the same..???

[startingover]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Hiya LJ, this has never happened to me but I am imagining that what you are feeling now is all the emotions that are finally coming to the surface after a period of sobriety.
The fear that you felt was insurmountable, and with a tiny baby your hormones will have been all over the place. From what I have heard from other abused wives its a matter of just going into some sort of survival mode.
I wonder if its possible for you to get some counselling to help you through this. It might be usesul to talk it through with a professional to help you make some sense of everything that happened. then maybe you can put it to rest.
Big hugs Jan, you are one brave lady.

[byebyebridgetjones]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Absolutely Jan.
Know EXACTLY where you are at.
I certainly hope you are no longer with that person, and are safe.
You will need to watch very carefully for signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Including ...... yep .... you guessed it ....... alcohol and other substance abuse.
I have to go out now and collect my own boy from school, but I will PM you later this evening if that's OK, with some info that you will need.
Bridge

[SKendall]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

LdyJan, absolutely I understand. My first pregnancy seemed to rob him of my attention. It took me a while to get free, but I did. It wasn't easy raising 2 kids alone, but I managed. It all works out for the best.

Just know that what your are doing for Ollie is the absolute best. Don't ever allow another person in your life to abuse you, you are doing a fantastic job of trying to get Ollie back. NEVER, EVER go back to an abuser.

Please stay strong for yourself and Ollie, there is a special angel looking over you both.


xoxoxoxo

[SKendall]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

I'm so crying right now. I forgot about these issues when you just struggle day to day and week to week to raise your kids without abuse. My son was an infant and my daughter was about 3 and he was frustrated, and he leaned back and smacked her legs for no reason at all.

I knew at that moment, I would never stay with him. I never allowed him to be alone with the kids again, but started A PLAN. It was difficult with 2 kids under 3. He had the big house, etc. I got a job,l moved to an apt. and raised my kids safely. He went nuts, but I survived with many police reports for him and attempted abuse from him, but I did it.

I met my second husband shortly thereafter. We have had many, many issues. I know some have questioned my going back to take care of him, when he possibly has a third interest. SO WHAT! He has not been a good husband for a long time, but he helped me raise those 2 children who are successful today.

I am sorry to go on, can't stop crying, and just feel bad right now, but it will be all right after I have a warm tubby.

Please take care, my frienfd.

[SKendall]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Yes, he abused me physically whenever he became frustratred.

[ladyjan]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Thankyou for your kind words,
I have seen a psychologist for abused women, but it didn't really help,
it just opened it all up again, I suppose thats what they are meant to do, but she offered no words of peace..
I have a restraining order and an emergency direct help mobile..but it's still no guarantee he can't get me,
I do try not to think about it and put it behind me and just concentrate on the future with Ollie, Bonnie & Jamie...but still days like this rear their ugly head..!
Skendall I'm so sorry I made you cry, please don't,
you have done great with your children and your life to get out of it..
but I don't think we can ever wash it out of our systems completly..there will always be these kind of days when the nightmare is all so real again..
:l:l:l:l

[Guitarista]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Chin up LJ and SK.
Violence against women and children, (or anyone) is not acceptable!
You are doing an extraordinary job.

[gyco]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

good morning all and i havent heard any men,the pendulem swings both ways,sometimes, statistics show no,altho women have come a long way in general over the last100 years,brutal violence the men hold the edge,but other studies are showing verbal assaults and scars, are forever intrenched not only into the spuces but the children,as far as the drinking part goes as we no it only added to the confusion,ty ladies gyco

[gyco]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

you beat me G,not a good word to use toady

[Guitarista]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Bridge, :l:l

[rubywillow]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Jan, I'm sorry, after all your hard work, that bottom feeder is able to take you back to the frightened, beaten woman you were with just a few words. I can't say anything to take that away, but, in some small way, maybe beating the drink is beating him. I believe there is a special circle in hell for abusers, and Karma is on his trail. Hold strong, girl. You have much to be proud of, and you have left him in the dust. THAT is what he can't stand. I've never felt that fear, thank God, but no one deserves it. You are a different woman today. Stand up and be proud of yourself, and keep moving forward..

Also, there can be no redeeming quality in a man who would brutalize a woman as she is breastfeeding his newborn child.

[ladyjan]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

am getting a bit better, was just yesterday when he sent my Bonnie the email...
he is so crafty and I am suspicous of his motives for making contact with my daughter..
I think I should tell the authorities that he has done...
just gets my mind working overtime "what is he up to"???????
opens all the wounds again...all of it is in playback even as I write this..
I am dangerously wanting to say fuck it and have a drink..
it won't solve anything I know, but it makes it go away..stupid...I know
so I will try not to, got ollie with me now, so I know I won't...
sorry for rambling
:l:l:l

[stirly-girly]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

Jan, I just logged on a few minutes ago and saw your posts. You okay? You're gonna be with Bonnie and Ollie at the carnival today, right? Do you need to talk? I could go to chat if you want to...
Whatever you do, please do not buy any alcohol. It won't solve anything and you will just be angry with yourself afterwards. You have been so strong so far. Don't let that jerk get to you!! We are all here to help you out any way we can. Don't forget that...we all love you and are here for you...:h:h

[gyco]

fallen to drink after spousal abuse

hi jan theres and old saying what goes arround will come around,revenge no,i s sweet,more so in analchooholics mind,it can make us or brake usreading your posts as one has said,in old terms,youve come along way baby,sad that his actions can still rule ones thoughts,your better then that ,gyco