I don't know what to do..

[KatieB]

Looks like my ex is having our son this weekend. I just don't know what to do with my spare time! I am so used to having my son all the time (my ex has only recently finally decided he's going to have him o/n). I used to drink to deal with loneliness.. but I know if I go down that road, I will end up depressed and suicidal once again.
I don't have many friends where I am, and my family all live overseas (though I hardly speak to any of them anyway). The friends I do have here, all have families to do things with at the weekend.. does anyone know what I can do to prevent being lonely that does not involve drinking? I'm starting to panic.. I feel I have screwed up my life so many times, i'm in fear of doing it again.. my son has kept me sane, but now, if I don't have him with me - I feel I may lose my mind and end up feeling lonely and depressed again..

[peacenik]

I don't know what to do..

a gym
bookstore
windowshop
walk
read
write
cook
volunteer your time somewhere where you want to be
eat at a new restaurant
ride a bike

xoxo

[Gold]

I don't know what to do..

Try not to be fearful or compare your situation to others. Think instead that you have a great opportunity to discover a whole new side of you and who knows where your new interests could lead!

I think volunteering is a good suggestion as it focuses attention away from oneself, is there something you feel passionate about, e.g. homelessness, animals, that you could get involved with? Whatever interests you get yourself out, even if it's going to a coffee shop with a good book.

[Panno]

I don't know what to do..

Why not have a spring clean - sorting through your wardrobes and giving to the charity shop really cleanses the soul for me!!!

[byebyebridgetjones]

I don't know what to do..

Ask yourself a question.
What makes you feel good ?
Gardening?
Join a garden club.
Do a course in horticulture.
Sport ?
Join a team.
Join a gym.
Study Sport science.
Books ?
Join a book club.
Library discussion group.
Common denominator is...something that you are passionate about which makes you feel fundamentally good. You will at least have THAT in common with the people that you subsequently meet.
The very best to you.
Bridget.

[KatieB]

I don't know what to do..

Thanks for everyone's tips and kind words.. i've decided to go to bookstores, as I love reading.. and maybe plan to go away next time he has him the weekend.. I don't want to do volunteering work as I already do lots for other people - looking after my son 80% of the time, then working as a nurse the other times.. so I think I will do something for myself! I will make sure I don't touch alcohol though, as it is a depressant and makes things worse - i want to have a meaningful life from now on! I have to find myself hobbies, and new friends that like doing the same things as me, to fill in the gaps

[cash]

I don't know what to do..

Sound like a great plan Kbown. And don't worry - you'll spend hours posting/readin on here when your at a loose end too like all the rest of us.

[redhibiscus]

I don't know what to do..

Kbrown, you can do this. Be patient with yourself and plan your time as much as possible. Going to a bookstore is a great start. I also like how you know that volunteering is not for you at this time. Meet your needs, selfcare is number one.

We do have to get to know ourselves after a long time of drinking. Who are we, what do we like, what gives our life meaning, how do we handle be alone and not lonely? Who are we close to, who do we want to have relationship with? All good questions and part of our quest in building a new AF life.

[time2change]

I don't know what to do..

Kbrown
Welcome. I went through a divorce last year and remember the first few times I had a weekend alone. I felt so lonely and sad, but I honestly now look forward to having time alone. It gives me a chance to have some quiet time, read a book, watch a movie or just rest. You will find that t does get easier and in the mantime come here and read, post and chat.

[Doggygirl]

I don't know what to do..

Kbrown, I can understand your fear and it's great that you came here to talk about it and make a plan!

I had spent so many years spending my "alone time" with AL that I can really relate to what you must be feeling. I had no idea what else to do with myself other than sit home and drink! I ended up doing much as the others have suggested - making lists of things to do ahead of time so I didn't have to *think* much when my alone times came. Good that you are figuring out your priorities i.e. self care.

For me it was mainly important that I just got out of the house!

To add to the list of possibilities for future weekends - are there museums or other local things of interest that you haven't visited ever or in awhile? Is there something new you want to learn how to do - i.e. taking a class of some sort?

I agree with Red that whatever you do, planning the time is important. I have also had to go through a process of looking at myself and changing quite a few things I wasn't very happy with on close inspection. That has been a very important use of my "alone time" and an important part of my recovery from AL.

Have fun exploring your new and bigger world without AL this weekend!

DG

[KatieB]

I don't know what to do..

Thank you all for your support.. I live in the most amazing city, that I am sure I can find heaps to do that doesn't involve going to pubs, bars or drinking at home.. I know I have to be strong and get out there, maybe join a club at some point so I can make new friends (I used to go up to strangers in a bar when drunk as a way of making "friends" - however they don't see the real "you", and often I would find myself too embarrassed or shy to call them on any other day anyway).. this has not worked for me in the past.. I know my life will improve without AL.. I'll be able to get up early, feeling refreshed and motivated.. I can now think of so many things I can do, I'm not sure I will have enough time to do them all! lol..

[Sweaty Betty]

I don't know what to do..

Hey Kbrown.

I joined the local library. I make myself check out all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't usually read, sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't, but as its all no charge i really don't mind. I like to sit in there and read too, peace and quiet but with company

How about having a mani/pedi or your hair done? If money is tight do you have local training schools that you could offer your services as a model/guinea pig to?

Have a great weekend (I'm a little envious!)

Bets

[cash]

I don't know what to do..

Let us know how you go Kbrown.