This has been a tough year for my family and friends. It seems every week I get word of someone I've been close to in my life is terminally sick or has died. Last summer, a 30-year neighbor lost her fight to cancer; right after that, a neighbor's 17-year-old son was killed in an auto accident. I live on a short, dead-end road. We become close to those who live around us. A few weeks ago, my neighbor who had been almost like a daughter to me died suddenly, in her sleep, and left 4 young daughters. Another neighbor just lost his battle with kidney disease, after months in the hospital and 2 kidney rejections. Two of my life-long, childhood friends have terminal illnesses, stemming from bad lifestyle choices. Sunday morning, my grandchildren's maternal grandfather died from lung cancer, caused by smoking. He was a wonderful man, and true southern gentleman. My husbands parents, both in their 80's, live behind me in a cottage we bought them, and their behavior is becoming more and more cause for concern, especially since they aren't willing to give up their ways of doing things (i.e. taking long trips at night, spending hours alone on the lake, having accidents around the house). I say all this to get to this point: I've been thinking more and more about time. What I've used, how I've used it, and how best to use that which is left to me. I consider myself to be in the middle of my life, but I look back at the wasted years, the pain, the hurt I caused others and myself, and try not to regret but learn. Hubs is a workaholic. He lives to work. My son is depressed because of his failed marriage and problems he's having with his teen daughter because of it. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could step back, out of the bubble that is our day to day, and see the bigger picture of our life? How will we remember THIS day? Will it be one where we create, enjoy, love, inspire? Will it be one where we simply do our best, and go to sleep with a clear heart, sober and satisfied with this one day. Or will we continue to dwell on past hurts, past failures, perpetuate the cycle and go to bed feeling angry, sad, unfulfilled? Every day doesn't have to be a fantastic, learning, glorious day, but it SHOULD be at the least sober, with no regrets for hurts we've done to ourselves or others. We HAVE to work, be productive, provide for our families, survive in this world, but we have to also remember our time is finite. There but for the Grace of God go I, everytime we hear more bad news about someone. As for me, I'm not feeling old or depressed, but more that I want my days to be good ones; my life to be one that, when the time comes, people will rejoice for having known me. I want to pass on as much as I can that I have learned in life, to be remembered as a teacher who may help someone else avoid the pitfalls I have experienced. I do believe that we who have a problem with alcohol are more sensitive to the world around us, and that we use AL to numb the barrage of pain life brings daily instead of learning to cope. My hope is that maybe I can help someone understand themselves, begin to deal with the emotions after the physical cravings have stopped.
When I was in rehab, a woman was admitted for 24 hours, so drunk she couldn't stand. She had been sober for 8 years, but her husband was only days away from death from cancer, and she had given in to the numbing with AL of all the pain she had been in for the last 18 months. From what I've learned, she has not touched AL again (this was almost 4 years ago). I'm not sure what lesson others may take from this, but I understood her and what happened, and that she had learned that AL was NOT going to help her deal with her situation.
My point, I suppose, is like the cliches; ' This is the first day of the rest of your life,' 'Live like there's no tomorrow,' etc. Sometimes we forget we are special, unique, individual, and that we have only one life, one body, one opportunity to be the fulfilled person we want to be. Every day is not a good day. Sometimes there are more bad than good. But everyday we have so many opportunities, and as a sober person, so many ways to learn, teach, and influence our worlds. Some people dwell in a sad place; going over and over the decor and furnishings of that place do not change them. Only moving on to a different place does that. Many times, productive change means the temporary loss of security. I'm going to take some leaps this year. I hope, if you are in a bad place, you will think about ones you can take too. There are friends here to catch us if we stumble a bit.
Thank you all for bearing with me through this post. I hope it helps someone; it helped me just to write it.:l
When I was in rehab, a woman was admitted for 24 hours, so drunk she couldn't stand. She had been sober for 8 years, but her husband was only days away from death from cancer, and she had given in to the numbing with AL of all the pain she had been in for the last 18 months. From what I've learned, she has not touched AL again (this was almost 4 years ago). I'm not sure what lesson others may take from this, but I understood her and what happened, and that she had learned that AL was NOT going to help her deal with her situation.
My point, I suppose, is like the cliches; ' This is the first day of the rest of your life,' 'Live like there's no tomorrow,' etc. Sometimes we forget we are special, unique, individual, and that we have only one life, one body, one opportunity to be the fulfilled person we want to be. Every day is not a good day. Sometimes there are more bad than good. But everyday we have so many opportunities, and as a sober person, so many ways to learn, teach, and influence our worlds. Some people dwell in a sad place; going over and over the decor and furnishings of that place do not change them. Only moving on to a different place does that. Many times, productive change means the temporary loss of security. I'm going to take some leaps this year. I hope, if you are in a bad place, you will think about ones you can take too. There are friends here to catch us if we stumble a bit.
Thank you all for bearing with me through this post. I hope it helps someone; it helped me just to write it.:l
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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