Needing help/support

[Riotrouble]

I've been on this site a few times. It helped to read people's messages. I'm 37. I have a great husband, and two kids (4 1/2 and 2 1/2). My father is a functioning alcoholic. My husband travels a lot. I guess I have always liked drinking, but I kept it under control for most of my life. It wasn't until I had my son 2 1/2 years ago that something just triggered. My oldest has always been a "spirited" child and my son also. I work part-time which means I'm home a lot. I noticed a year ago that I started to look forward to 5:00pm when i could have my first drink. But then.... I started to drink before 5:00. I didn't want to schedule any activities with the kids and asked everyone to come over to our place for playdates because I didn't want to drive. I see how things have deteriorated. My husband is really concerned. I've scheduled an appt with my doctor for Nov 1. I have tried to stop but I can't... In my head I know that I have a problem, in my head I know what it's doing to me and my family, in my head I know that if I keep drinking that everything will fall apart. I just don't understand why, then, I just don't stop. I hate drinking, I hate worrying about it -- so why then won't I just quit like I did with smoking at the drop of a hat? It's a crutch and I know I'm not entirely happy with my life. I sometimes feel trapped because of the kids. I LOVE them, I really do. I just wish sometimes that I didn't have the responsibility. I wish that I could sleep past 4:30am (which is when my son wakes up). I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I need a change. But I'm healthy and so are my husband and kids. I'm considering therapy to understand why I need this crutch, or why I'm jeopardizing my family.
I know I sound like a mess but almost all of the time I can hold it together pretty well - inside though I'm sad and scared.

[Nina328]

Needing help/support

I understand

Hi Rio,:welcome:

I also have children your exact age. It is a tough age and they are so close. Mine are spirited also. Do you feel like you drink to escape? I know I do. Once they are in bed are after 5 when things are calming down for the night I just want to escape and I can't leave, so drinking is a way of escaping.

But lately, I have been trying to ask myself if the one-two hours of escape is worth the hangover, guilt, excessive eating and self-loathing for the entire next day. It is a sick cycle. I always over drink when I do drink and can't just have a few so I always know:welcome: what the next day will be like before I start.

I started this program a year ago and did quite well. In June I decided to do it on my own, but had a major life change and started drinking again out of depression(mom diagnosed with dementia and now living with me). I have dragged myself back because this is such a great group and there is always SOMEONE who understands exactly how you feel.

Keep reading and writing.

Take Care,
Nina

[bestlifeldms]

Needing help/support

:h Dear Rio,

I remember when I had 3 children under 3- in the mid 80's. Couldn't wait to see the whites of my husband's eyes in the evening so I could pop the top of a beer and just unwind a bit. But one led to four and four led to more. Before you know it, that lead to years of problem drinking, much like RJ's story.

It's great that you recognize it now and that you want to do something about it. I strongly advise combining your doctor visit with therapy. When I went to the Doc I took the book, a copy of RJ's story, a copy of the Lancet medical study, my suppliments and CD's if you have them. I told him that I had been using alcohol to handle my stress and that I let it get out of hand. I was honest with how much I was drinking. My doctor knows me as a successful profession and it was a shock for him to see me so upset. He was very supportive.

Good luck, I know you can do this. I'm glad you are doing it now, rather than 30 years down the road. And you will be a much better example for your children.

Best

[bestlifeldms]

Needing help/support

:h Dear Rio,

I remember when I had 3 children under 3- in the mid 80's. Couldn't wait to see the whites of my husband's eyes in the evening so I could pop the top of a beer and just unwind a bit. But one led to four and four led to more. Before you know it, that lead to years of problem drinking, much like RJ's story.

It's great that you recognize it now and that you want to do something about it. I strongly advise combining your doctor visit with therapy. When I went to the Doc I took the book, a copy of RJ's story, a copy of the Lancet medical study, my suppliments and CD's if you have them. I told him that I had been using alcohol to handle my stress and that I let it get out of hand. I was honest with how much I was drinking. My doctor knows me as a successful profession and it was a shock for him to see me so upset. He was very supportive.

Good luck, I know you can do this. I'm glad you are doing it now, rather than 30 years down the road. And you will be a much better example for your children.

Best

[patrol629]

Needing help/support

Dear Riotruble,
First, do not blame yourself for any of this! Sometimes...life just happens when we less expect it. The good thing is that you are asking for help. About 29 years before I did, when I should have asked. You are sooooooooooo ahead of the game by trying to figure this out that you should be proud yourself. So proud that you are now motivated enough to follow through no matter what life throws at you. Trust me, just when you think you've got it all together (and who really does?) there will be a curve. This group will help you trough those curves and turns. If I was as ahead of the game as you are at your age, I wouldn't be a part of this group. But maybe I'm here to keep you from being here at age 55. You've got car pools and play dates to enjoy. Go for them and enjoy them. And when they hit the teen years, you want to yell at them with a straight face about drinking. Been there and done that...they saw right through me.
Hugs and prayers...
Patrol629

[mikeupnorth]

Needing help/support

Dear Rio,

Just wanted to jump in and say hello and welcome also.

It is one thing to know in your head that you have an alcohol problem -- it's quite a different thing to accept the fact in your heart, and to do something about it. But you've made a huge step just by coming here.

All of us here have been through the feelings of sadness and fear that you talk about. There is much support here, and much wisdom as to how to make it through until you start feeling better.

I hope you'll hang around. All the best~

Mike