Who`s to blame?

[BUNNY]

Hi everyone,

I`ve been doing a lot of soul searching in the last few weeks. When i joined MWO and started the road to recovery i guess i went through some of the ``staqes`` euphoria and excitement the first few days, anger at AL,hating it for leading me where i was at that point and then a certain peace when things just started to feel normal. I`d like to go back to the anger part. Why do we feel the need to hate AL? afterall, it`s just a bottle of liquid which is readily available to everyone, yet I CHOSE to abuse it, i consciously poured it in a glass time and time again, it didn`t just launch itself off the counter and shoved itself down my throat. When i look around me at people in general, i don`t mean here at MWO, but either family, friends or coworkers, hell even my kids, what strickes me the most is how often i hear the famous ``well it`s not my fault, it`s really because of so and so`` we live in a society where it`s never our fault. Maybe it`s time to start taking responsibility for OUR actions? maybe when we stop trying to find someone of something to blame and really take a good, hard look in the mirror will we be able to address the real issues that may have lead us to seek a way to escape. Food for thought
Have a great saturday!

[Anotherday]

Who`s to blame?

Interesting post.

I think it's good to hate the AL in order to stay away from it. I wish I did hate it. I am still at the point where it looks like my friend, which is why I can't get sober.

As to blame, well, we live in a world in which some things really are beyond our control. The serenity prayer comes to mind. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Chillgirl]

Who`s to blame?

Bunny - For me taking responsibility has been a huge part of being AF. At 1st I was absolutely terrified I wasnt strong enough and that I would fail. Now my strength comes from not being prepared to let myself down, I want to be able to look myself in the eye and know I can do this..........

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

[KateH1]

Who`s to blame?

Bunny, I think that you make an excellent point about taking personal responsibility! It is a critical characteristic needed in every part of our lives. But I find this to be a trait greatly lacking these days. I do not see how anyone can get sober and stay sober if they are constantly blaming everyone and everything else for their lot in life.

I also get the part about be angry at AL, or angry about the disease of alcoholism. I think this does happen to most of us during the early days and weeks of recovery. But then, we have to let that go and understand that WE have the Control to change things. No the bottle does not jump off the shelf, no one pours it down our throat. We do. We have the choice to live in our disease or not. Our choice, our decision, our responsibility.

Bunny, you have a lot of great insight that will serve you well!

Best Wishes!
Kate

[reneesmiles]

Who`s to blame?

From all of the new research coming out, alcoholism is a bio-neurological issue. Of course we chose to drink in the very beginning. Research has shown addiction can be a part of an impulse control disorder associated with the neurobiological pleasure center of the brain. (Biological cravings brought on by the pleasure center in the brain.) Therefore, WHO is to blame? No one. Why should anyone be to blame?

Blaming and shaming, at least for me has in the past only intensified my "need" for a drink. Anti-craving medications DO work. If addiction weren't a physical issue, those medications would NOT work.

So... don't really like the question but appreciate what you are trying to do. Hating alcohol is like a cancer patient hating their disease. It is perfectly natural and there does become a point where you no longer hate it, but appreciate that other people can drink to the degree you cannot.

Just my 2 cents and thank you for letting me share!

[Anotherday]

Who`s to blame?

reneesmiles;817360 wrote: From all of the new research coming out, alcoholism is a bio-neurological issue. Of course we chose to drink in the very beginning. Research has shown addiction can be a part of an impulse control disorder associated with the neurobiological pleasure center of the brain. (Biological cravings brought on by the pleasure center in the brain.) Therefore, WHO is to blame? No one. Why should anyone be to blame?

Blaming and shaming, at least for me has in the past only intensified my "need" for a drink. Anti-craving medications DO work. If addiction weren't a physical issue, those medications would NOT work.

So... don't really like the question but appreciate what you are trying to do. Hating alcohol is like a cancer patient hating their disease. It is perfectly natural and there does become a point where you no longer hate it, but appreciate that other people can drink to the degree you cannot.

Just my 2 cents and thank you for letting me share!

I like what you say here. Blaming and shaming doesn't work.

One thing I do take issue with is when people blame bad behavior on their "disease." While I understand that people behave in ways they would not drunk vs sober, to me it's always seemed like sort of a cop-out to do this. I try to realize that I take the drink and I make the choice to drink. It's more empowering for me that way. If I choose to drink, I can also choose not to drink.

At any rate, what you've said above makes a lot of sense.

[KateH1]

Who`s to blame?

I would just like to add something to the conversation about Blame and shame....I agree with anotherday....blame and shame do not work! But, Accepting Responsibility and Blame and Shame are not one in the same. Accepting responsibility is important....it makes us think, it makes us take positive action.

As far as medical research, yep, there is a lot of information out there, but as yet, there is no definitive diagnosis nor is there a "Cure" that is generally accepted by the medical community as a whole. Yes, some anti-seizure meds are helpful to some as are anti-anxiety drugs...as yet, there is no course of treatment that is "Proven to be a Cure".

I can only speak for myself as far as first hand knowlege of what has worked For Me. That is a total, mind, body and spirit approach. To date, I am living happily sober, occasionally I have fleeting thoughts of alcohol, but, for the most part, I feel great!

By the way, I am also a cancer survivor and yes, in the beginning I did hate the disease. But, I could not waste energy hating the disease and the fact that I had to deal with it for very long, I had to focus my energy on treatment and getting well! Anger, hate and blame takes up a lot of energy and, at the end of the day, none of it truly accomplishes anything positive!

Well...zoom, zoom time to get off and running! I sure appreciate reading threads like this!

Carpe Diem!!
K

[BUNNY]

Who`s to blame?

Wow, great answers! And I do agree with you all about the blame part. If you read my thread again Renesmiles, you will see that I state that we should stop trying to find someone or something to blame.

[mama bear]

Who`s to blame?

Kate...another survivor!!!!
Bravo.......we are c-sisters!!

[Anotherday]

Who`s to blame?

Another thought I am having on who is to blame is the notion of the nature of addiction and the concept of self-forgiveness always comes up for me.

Invariably, whenever I stop drinking I am overcome with guilt over what I've done all these years. It's worse than the guilt that comes from drinking, or so it seems.

Who is to blame for this condition, disease, malady, whatever you want to call it? Well, I know I am not to blame. I was born to be an addict and from my very first drink I think the wheels were set in motion. There was no thinking, at the age of 13 or 14, am I drinking too much? Am I crossing a line? Heck, I was just a kid who was trying to deal with other issues around parental neglect, deprivation and depression. I knew no better.

Plus, no one at any age sets out and says, gee, when I grow up I want to be an alcoholic! No one!

In spite of this, one thing I really struggle with is self-forgiveness. In spite of the fact I am not to blame for having this thing, anymore than I am to blame for having asthma, there are things I can do and this *is* my responsibility at this point in time. Given my history, I should never make the choice to drink. Given my asthma, I should never smoke another cigarette. Yet I do, and for this I am responsible.

Ok, this may sound like I am rambling, and I may be, but I am just thinking. This is what happens when I don't drink!

[KateH1]

Who`s to blame?

Its good that you are thinking about all of this, anotherday, and you are right, none of us choose or plan to become addicted. But the question I ask is.....Why blame? Why does some one or some thing have to have the label of Blame.....and what good does it do?

[Hypernova]

Who`s to blame?

What's the point? Each of us has to deal with the vicissitudes of life that affect us all. Why must everything have a reason and a label. Things just are. Integrity and proper moral principles are ideals worth striving for. I hope I don't sound too blunt. For everything in life there is a time. I'm just not sure what time it is. ~~ I'm outta here cause I feel that I am in an off way and probably the less I say the better. Sorry.... 19 days of not drinking and I am very grumpy ~~~ ciao for now

[Anotherday]

Who`s to blame?

KateH1;817499 wrote: Its good that you are thinking about all of this, anotherday, and you are right, none of us choose or plan to become addicted. But the question I ask is.....Why blame? Why does some one or some thing have to have the label of Blame.....and what good does it do?

I guess I just think it's human nature to blame. I think people naturally want to justify/comprehend what they don't understand (and let's face it, this is one condition that is pretty hard to understand) and sometimes this gets translated into blaming. At any rate, interesting discussion.

[Anotherday]

Who`s to blame?

Hypernova;817615 wrote: What's the point? Each of us has to deal with the vicissitudes of life that affect us all. Why must everything have a reason and a label. Things just are. Integrity and proper moral principles are ideals worth striving for. I hope I don't sound too blunt. For everything in life there is a time. I'm just not sure what time it is. ~~ I'm outta here cause I feel that I am in an off way and probably the less I say the better. Sorry.... 19 days of not drinking and I am very grumpy ~~~ ciao for now

Well, major congrats on those 19 days! even if you are feeling grumpy.

[Funny Girl]

Who`s to blame?

19 days! - congrats! (you're allowed to be a bit of a grump - just for a little bit!)