If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

[Anotherday]

Hi all,

On day 3 here and feeling so much better. My head is clearing a bit, my blood pressure is dropping, I am not so out of sorts. I feel better!

I was thinking earlier, how come it's taken me until 50 to really feel I must stop NOW?! Am I just really stupid? Then I realized, no, I felt this way at 40 too. I've tried for years to beat this and the most I've ever been AF (legitimately, without muscle relaxers) in the past ten years has been around 55 days.

I know the simple answer is because we are addicted. But once someone is past acute withdrawal, the physical stuff is pretty much taken care of. So how come it's so hard to stay stopped? Is this a dumb question? Thoughts? I'm just really wondering what your thoughts are on this topic. I mean, I know we all try hard here.

[JimBeam911]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Addiction is like being stuck in a 'Bell Jar' (to pay homage to your Avatar). Ha ha.

Seriously though, not a dumb question at all. My own two cents is that while many people give up alcohol, they naively assume that this will automatically improve all areas of life. This is not the case. Secondly, many people who give up alcohol are at a loss as to what to do with their newfound spare time. After a while, many are at such a loss they resume drinking.

I'm currently in my most successful AF period ever, but I've made sure to change my behaviour a lot. I haven't undertaken any of those absurd 'moral inventories' you hear about in AA, but rather, I have worked hard to find productive things to do in my spare time. Much of this has involved resuming old hobbies that have long been neglected.

I'm happy to report that I am starting to get very used to doing other things with my time and think about drinking less and less. Not every day is perfect, but dealing with the normal ups and downs of life with a clear head is so much easier. Believe me when I say that if I can do this, anyone can! Good luck.

[Anotherday]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

JimBeam911;818453 wrote: Addiction is like being stuck in a 'Bell Jar' (to pay homage to your Avatar). Ha ha.

Seriously though, not a dumb question at all. My own two cents is that while many people give up alcohol, they naively assume that this will automatically improve all areas of life. This is not the case. Secondly, many people who give up alcohol are at a loss as to what to do with their newfound spare time. After a while, many are at such a loss they resume drinking.

I'm currently in my most successful AF period ever, but I've made sure to change my behaviour a lot. I haven't undertaken any of those absurd 'moral inventories' you hear about in AA, but rather, I have worked hard to find productive things to do in my spare time. Much of this has involved resuming old hobbies that have long been neglected.

I'm happy to report that I am starting to get very used to doing other things with my time and think about drinking less and less. Not every day is perfect, but dealing with the normal ups and downs of life with a clear head is so much easier. Believe me when I say that if I can do this, anyone can! Good luck.

And good thing I hate whiskey, to pay homage to your avatar.

I've bolded what you said above as I think that is an excellent point that is not often thought of. I spent many, many years hearing "don't leave before the miracle" and I guess this way of thinking permeates my brain. When all areas of my life don't improve, I get discouraged and drink.

I think you're really on to something in that behavioral change is huge. It's my nature to isolate, but I can see I am going to have to force myself to go out and meet new people if this thing is to "stick." I'm also in the process of letting other people go. It's good to hear that you have gone back to old hobbies and that is key. Also, developing new hobbies without the need to be perfect pops into my head.

Anyway, thanks so much for chiming in!

[Funny Girl]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Hey AD if I knew that I'd have stopped a lot of stuff a long time ago. It took me a good 10 years of quitting every year for a period of months at a time to finally quit smoking - it was easy - I did it every day!!! I did acupuncture, I got hypnotized, I chewed the gum while I wore the patch, etc. . . . . I used to quit drinking periodically, and just did drugs the whole time . . . .I'm a great example of all the things not to do . . . . .I have no answers. All I know is 15 days so far here & I'm good. Amazing! Maybe aliens came down & put a chip in my brain!

[Anotherday]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Funny Girl;818462 wrote: Hey AD if I knew that I'd have stopped a lot of stuff a long time ago. It took me a good 10 years of quitting every year for a period of months at a time to finally quit smoking - it was easy - I did it every day!!! I did acupuncture, I got hypnotized, I chewed the gum while I wore the patch, etc. . . . . I used to quit drinking periodically, and just did drugs the whole time . . . .I'm a great example of all the things not to do . . . . .I have no answers. All I know is 15 days so far here & I'm good. Amazing! Maybe aliens came down & put a chip in my brain!

Yay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :goodjob:

[Shikakai]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

I think the same thing, Another. The longest I've been sober is 30 days. I'm into 2 weeks right now and the delusions are eating at me AGAIN!

I think the reason why it's so hard to stop is because we ENJOY it so much! I love drinking. I admit it! However, the problem is for alcoholics is that we are not able to enjoy a couple of drinks and close the bar. We have to empty the bar first and that's the problem, which of course leads to bigger problems.

Many people do become bored when they don't drink because drinking is a big part of our lives. There was a lady here once who said she and her husband stopped drinking at the same time, but they became so bored with their lives that they went back to it....

So that's my answer why I haven't been any more successful, but only you know for yourself why you can't stay sober.

[caysea]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Hi All
Something that might be of interest if you haven't heard of it is PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms. We have had treads on this. You can search and find info on this topic here or on the Internet. It is good info to have as you get further into your recovery. The body is still going through withdrawal in different ways after 1 month 2 months and so on even up to a year depending on how long you have been abusing al.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Guitarista]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Hi AD, and a huge welcome to you!
AND, congrat's on 3 day's af, as that is a great acheivement, and not to be underestimated.
AF is a scary ride.......at first, then, just watch as the beauty, awesomeness, and endless possibility that is the real you, unfold before you. We've got to hang in there, and do the work on ourselves. We need to change old habit's, routines, environment's, and sometimes friend's, in order to survive this, and get ourselves to where we know we should be, and if we're not sure where that 'should be' is, we've learnt it isn't in a bottle. It took us awhile to become problem drinker's, and it will take you time to develop the new (real) you. Our brain needs to literally re-wire and repair itself, and learn a new way of thinking. And it was my THINKING, not my drinking that was the problem. Feed your brain and body with good nutrition. Nurture yourself, and follow through. af life really just get's better and better after a month or two, and that's when the magic really unfold's. BUT, you've got to give yourself time to heal, and adjust your thinking. Don't pull out after 30 day's etc.....See it through, and you'll be totally amazed at the treasure's that await you. AND, you already have the tool's you need within you. Reach in and use what you've got, cause you are special.
Check out the 'Toolbox' thread in monthly abstinence section too. Some good tip's there.
So, 50 is a great time to change. I did. Enough precious time wasted. Get cracking, and go for it!

Best wishes.......G-Force.

[Lavande]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Hi AD,

Congrats on your 3 AF days, that's a great start!!

Please remember that it is going to take a bit of time to heal your body after years of AL abuse. This is not just an event but a process. Changing your thinking is a huge part of the process as well.
Think about keeping a journal, jot down your thoughts & feelings, the status of your health, etc as the AF days pile up. At some point you can look back over your writings & see the progress you've made.

It takes time to see the overall picture but it's so worth your time & effort, you'll see

Wishing you the best as you continue on your journey!
Lav

[KatieB]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Congrats Another Day on Day 3 - I am so happy for you!
There are many reasons why people try hard to be AF.. it IS addictive.. the way it makes you feel there are 'no worries' in the world.. when in fact there are! and these worries you forget about when drunk, come back tenfold the next day.. when you feel physically ill.. you need to remind yourself why being AF is a good thing - and it is, a GREAT thing! To have a clear head, feel healthy, be mentally stable.. just keep coming here, we will keep giving you the motivation!
Katie xx
p.s i'm on Day 13 today! and it really does feel great, I feel in control of my life again..

[Doggygirl]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Congrats on 3 days AF! Alcohol and addiction affect the brain in what seem to be very complex ways, so I don't personally believe the physical addiction is behind us in 3 days. Unless our brains are not part of the physiology, but I don't even worry about that sort of thing any more. I know what my own behaviors and thoughts and problems have been, and for me, it's critical to have a plan to deal with those things. That's more important than having a detailed understanding of the addiction itself for me. (I know others differ in this regard!)

All I know is that if it were easy to stay stopped, there would be a lot less active alcoholics running around!

I can understand the isolation you mention. It wasn't always that way, but for the last several years of my own drinking career I isolated more and more until I never even wanted to leave my house unless I had to. It has been hard work, but I now lead a very active life and am finally getting content in my sobriety.

My Way Out was my initial life line because I could not quit drinking for evern a few days on my own. I needed the community of other people and I found "version 1" of that fellowship here. I added AA to my sobriety program a little over a year ago and that is what has helped me bridge the gap between sobriety, and contented sobriety. I have not found any part of AA to be "absurd" to me (ref. Jim Beam's post) but that is a matter of personal opinion that differs greatly from one alcoholic to another. I personally don't rule out anything that might help me achieve long term contented sobriety. And there are lots of things to try and many of them are openly discussed here at My Way Out. It's great to have a community where a wide variety of recovery options are discussed with acceptance.

Have you read the My Way Out book and are you considering that formal program? IMO that is a great place to start!

All the best to you on your journey,

DG

[mollyka]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

If AF is so much better, why is so hard to stay stopped? A very good question and loads of info in the previous posts. One other thing tho, I think the fact that alcohol is everywhere, supermarkets, restaurants, festivals, tele......... its very hard to avoid it - I've no solution to that, just maybe a reason why its so hard? Molly:argh:

[OverIt2007]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

Hey Another Day.

I agree, thats not a stupid questions at all.

Im still wondering how I am doing this (close to 2 week AF). Its strange because how am I doing it now, when I could not before?

Its almost a mystery to me, but Im grateful Im doing it. Maybe in my brain, I realized that the pain of drinking was by far outweighing the pleasure from it. But I knew that before!

Maybe we all just get to the point where enough is enough. I really dont know.


I hope this is your time friend!

Overit

[Anotherday]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

OverIt2007;818718 wrote: Hey Another Day.

I agree, thats not a stupid questions at all.

Im still wondering how I am doing this (close to 2 week AF). Its strange because how am I doing it now, when I could not before?

Its almost a mystery to me, but Im grateful Im doing it. Maybe in my brain, I realized that the pain of drinking was by far outweighing the pleasure from it. But I knew that before!

Maybe we all just get to the point where enough is enough. I really dont know.


I hope this is your time friend!

Overit

Hi Overit,

When do you reach the two week mark? It is so incredibly difficult to do this and I am only now concluding it must just be something in the brain that we have. Something almost as powerful as the urge to eat when hungry. Otherwise, why would a bunch of smart people (as I think those on this site are) keep fighting something like this? I guess such is the nature of addiction and smarts have nothing to do with it. I smoke and know the risks yet my brain demands the drug. I do plan, on Saturday, to stop the cigarettes too as I'll have several days in a row with zero demands on me where I can go through the nicotine withdrawal, which is far worse than I've ever experienced with AL, but I digress.

While my life might be in the toilet right now, there are many on here who are successful in other areas of their life. I think most of us really want to stop this thing. I look at my own life and what I've done - very hard things that took a lot of hard work and persistence - and I am just dumbfounded that something as simple as NOT picking up a drink should be so hard!!!

Even this morning as I sit here I am wondering...will I make it through today? I can only conclude this drive to drink must be something very biochemical at work. Were it not so, there would not be so many who have been almost magically helped by Bac or Topamax and other medications.

Well, just my two cents this a.m. after too much coffee (again!)

AD

[Anotherday]

If AF is so much better, why is it so hard to stay stopped?

And thanks so much to everyone who has added their thoughts in this thread. I do appreciate it!

AD