Feelings......

[universal]

I get what people mean now when they say being sober the first little while is like losing your best friend. I have in the past 5 weeks experienced so many emotions that I have masked with alcohol for the past 10 years. I have been depressed, I have been angry, I have felt loved, I have been happy. I had a huge discussion with the BF today because we had some things we needed to talk about. We both cried, we both laughed and I realized as I was having this discussion that I really wanted a beer. And then I thought about it. I don't really want a beer - I wanted one because in the past that was how I dealt with my emotions and the ones I was feeling at the time were overwhelming me. And that made me cry. Because I was dealing with them without numbing myself. And that was hard to do. And new for me as well. And it really did feel like I was saying goodbye to my best friend. How f'd up is that?

I didnt' have the beer. I said goodbye - and I had a good cry with my BF over it too. But I feel a hell of a lot better now.

[Funny Girl]

Feelings......

I think this is pretty typical - I know that I have no idea how to process a real emotion since I've been "simulating" them or simply covering them up & burying them for so long. I experienced what you speak of above when I quit smoking even. I haven't encountered this yet so far this time with alcohol, but I'm sure it's coming - I've had pangs, but haven't had a 'situation' yet. I have my helmet handy though . . . .Congrats on making it through . . . .it's very hard, isn't it? Uncomfortable . . .

[Lavande]

Feelings......

Good for you Uni.......you're moving on, exactly what you need to do to live a sober life!
I experienced the loss of my best friend feeling when I quit soking last year too.
The good news is you get over it & life gets much, much better!

Keep up the great work

[spuddleduck]

Feelings......

i totally get the emotion thing. yes ive always covered them or stimulated them with AL. for such a long time. dealing with them is gonna be damned hard, but im sure its gonna be worth it. MWO is my new best friend. thanks everyone. as we all no AL is no-ones friend.

[hillsidetime]

Feelings......

Hey Uni, when I read your paragraph it was like you were reading my mind. I am also going through exactly what you wrote. So many times in my life I would reach for a beer for so many reasons, and then have a lot of beer. It is weird living events, days, nights, - living through emotions - sober. I miss the sitting around with the boys drinking beer chat, and the feeling of being just nicely into a few beers, this for me is a hard one. After hockey last night, I sat around for a bit, said no thanks to the beer, but it isn't the same. Like you said Uni, it's just my old habits from the past. I am glad you are feeling better.
Hill

[greeneyes]

Feelings......

Yes uni, and pretty soon you won't feel like that because you realize you are your own best friend.

[gyco]

Feelings......

new life

universal;820077 wrote: I get what people mean now when they say being sober the first little while is like losing your best friend. I have in the past 5 weeks experienced so many emotions that I have masked with alcohol for the past 10 years. I have been depressed, I have been angry, I have felt loved, I have been happy. I had a huge discussion with the BF today because we had some things we needed to talk about. We both cried, we both laughed and I realized as I was having this discussion that I really wanted a beer. And then I thought about it. I don't really want a beer - I wanted one because in the past that was how I dealt with my emotions and the ones I was feeling at the time were overwhelming me. And that made me cry. Because I was dealing with them without numbing myself. And that was hard to do. And new for me as well. And it really did feel like I was saying goodbye to my best friend. How f'd up is that?

I didnt' have the beer. I said goodbye - and I had a good cry with my BF over it too. But I feel a hell of a lot better now.

hi uni,ive been doing this sober thing for years,i beleive most of us who end this way,are emotionally detatched from society when we 1st begin this trek,like any medication we take,it gets us hi for a while,until are friend lets us down,time after time,there is a time in life we or i have to wake to reality,that is the hardest thing to do,i beleive its called living without a crutch,youve found a great site,use it,what youve got dont lose,hold onto it as long as you can, i wish you and yurs well gyco:goodjob:

[Cinders]

Feelings......

Uni,

I am reading a very good book right now, Smashed.

While I am not of her genetics, she denies being an alcoholic and does not think that drinking a glass of wine would tumble her back into the void. In my case, it did, does and will.

However, I want to quote something she said in the Preface of the book because it "hit me in the gut."

When I stopped drinking, I never experienced the high-on-life sensation that so many people say consumes them like the Holy Spirit in their first months of abstinence. ...

I didn't feel the ecstasy of returning to a life that was unaltered by alcohol because no such life ever existed for me...

I started drinking at a very early age.

I have to redefine my life today. I am in my 50s.

It is a difficult journey. Be patient.

Love,
Cindi

[LVT25]

Feelings......

Hi Uni,
Several things came to mind when I read your post. First, I am envious that you can have a heartfelt conversation with your BF stone cold sober. Hubby and I only communicated deep feelings when liquored up. I still struggle with being able to even start a conversation about how I feel about something with him.
To sit down and have a conversation with anyone without a beer and a ciggy was practically impossible at first. AL was my social lubricant for sure. I just discussed this with my counselor and I am making progress. Trying to reconnect with friends and making new ones.
And Cindy--all I can say is wow--that is me too! I'm still searching for my inner child that was somewhat robbed of her teenage years at least.
After so many years of alcohol use/abuse, it is like losing a friend--it has become a big part of us. And like Lav said, it does get better--much, much better. No more hangovers==no more guilt. :h

[OverIt2007]

Feelings......

Hey Uni,

You are just feeling human. You do not have the alcohol as your bandaid anymore, so you are on your own power to deal with lifes boo boo's. It may be draining and frusterating, but at the end of your post you ended it with feeling better.

I remember reading about the term "Grateful Recovering Alcoholic". I hear many people at AA refer to themselves as "Grateful". Why would an alcoholic consider themselves grateful? Its because they know the path they walked on before, and are grateful for a second chance at life. I remember even reading that alcoholics actually have an EDGE in life, because so many people just plow through life never having experienced the ups and downs like we have, so when we are grateful for being sober, we are really grateful!

I think I kind of got off your topic, but to sum it up. I know everything you are going through is very hard, and difficult. But through it all, I know you are grateful to be sober rather than the alternative. I hope your emotions get calmer dear friend.

[mario]

Feelings......

In the drinking life,one of the flippant sayings we heard was, if it feels good, do it.
We hear that less often in sobriety,although it sometimes appears on a bumper sticker or as a casual comment.
And if we learned anything in sobriety,we know that this remark is really a permit for disaster.We drank to feel
good but we often ended up feeling terrible.
Yet the same slogan, properly understood can be useful for the recovering alcoholic.We all want to feel good but
a drink means temporary pleasure followed by pain,guilt,remorse, and ruin,This is not really feeling good it is a
nightmare of the worst feelings we can imagine.
Happy sobriety does feel good,even though it may include short term discomfort or temporary boredom.
The long run tendency of sobriety is toward having peace of mind,feeling good about ourselves and using our talents
and opportunities wisely.This is the mature way to feel good,but we achieve it only by thinking and acting in the right
ways,perhaps our slogan could be, if it makes you feel good now and in the future, do it.

[sick of being sick]

Feelings......

Universal, I can really relate to your feelings and the feeling of loss. But when you think about it, what kind of friend what is really? True, it numbs our feelings, but it made us feel worse the next day. It tried to kill us and steal from us everything good in life. I'm finding my true friends here and they are sober, compassionate, understanding, supportive and encouraging. You are very lucky to have a supportive bf, as my husband still drinks and makes it even harder for me to stop. I admire your wisdom and I think you are going to be very successful in getting rid of this monster and soon you will not see that it was a friend after all. Best of luck and love to you!

[hillsidetime]

Feelings......

Hey Universal, hope you are feeling better. Mario, I really enjoyed your post, it really hit home.
Hill