Hurt Feelings

[Anotherday]

Hurt Feelings

Doggygirl;821625 wrote: Excellent post. We MUST protect our own sobriety first.

The best time to get help is BEFORE we take that first drink. Most experienced AAers are very up front saying they will NOT talk to anyone that is drinking. That comes from people who have been helping alcoholics for years and years and years. What that tells me is that once the drinking starts, it's too late for help until we're on the other side of it (and probably hungover!!). Unfortunately, if the only time a person asks for help is after they have already decided to get sloshed, they are not in a rational frame of mind to recieve help.

Again - excellent post and point.

DG

Thanks, DG.

I have a friend who has been in AA for 14 years and my history with AA goes back many years. Anyway, I've called him when under the influence (and have apologized to him as I know better) and he has indulged me. However, he has the luxury of doing so as he hasn't had a drink in 14 years.

I don't have that same luxury. I don't know that I ever will. If I ever do it is not anytime soon. I am way too early on in the process to think I can handle doing so. This is not to say I don't want to be helpful, but I know me and the temptation it is to "join the party," so to speak.

AD

[santybury]

Hurt Feelings

sick of being sick;821588 wrote: Yesterday was such an incredible day for me! I felt great! Today, not so much. I was on the board and saw someone wanted to chat so I go into chat. I thought I was talking to a newbie and for over an hour, I poured my heart out trying to help her. The drunker she got, the more insulting she got. This morning I wake up to a pm from her that said f___you. I did not realize she had been aroung a long time, only coming to the site when she was drinking, so I've been told. I've been warned about not trying to help others and to focus on myself. Helping others does help me usually. When I got off crack, I went around giving my testimony to prisons and rehabs and anyone else who would listen. That's just me. My passion in life is to help others. I can't see that this is wrong, but maybe it is. I just don't believe there is anyone out there not worthy of giving help to, even though they may not want my help! I've been programmed my whole life to fix things, to make everyone happy. I do not know how to stay focused on myself. It feels selfish. I want your honest opinion, please. Is it wrong for me to try to help others get sober and in doing so, it is much easier for me to stay sober? Thanks for all of your advise and honesty.

There is nothing wrong with helping others who want to be helped. Your life experiance gives others hope as you can empathise because you have been there. You dont have to stand for someone being abusive to you though and I hope you dont feel too bad. I would far talk to someone who knows how I feel, and has overcome this terrible addiction, than to someone who did a years counselling course. Thats my view anyway. Thank God for people like you x:thanks:

[togoodtobetrue]

Hurt Feelings

i am a newcomber only 8 days but i have been sober in rehabe but out in the world is the test this site is filled with people helping people i am realy up set that some one would curse one of us.and she cursed the next day.we cant let something like this deveate from this message if one wont to fent here is not the place i say if you intentions are good help if one cant handle it find some other chat placed not here this place is a God send to meand if everyone was dicuraged by on bad apple that would be horable i am no dr but we have enought trouble with addiction with out someone like that

[rubywillow]

Hurt Feelings

Great answer, TGTBT. Like I said, when we're talking to someone drinking, we're talking to the bottle. I don't ever want to sound like been there, done that, but so many things I've experienced. If we are strong enough to help, great! If not, we have to back away, and protect ourselves. Your understanding will be increase the longer you're sober. You're doing great.

[Doggygirl]

Hurt Feelings

TGTBT, it's very important IMO to develop a realistic set of expectations for what you might see and experience on this site. I think the vast majority of us enjoy peaceful and sober communications, and respect even when we disagree. BUT...this is 1) the internet and 2) a recovery site where many of us - even many who are sober today - have been here before and posted drunk. And maybe posted things we shouldn't have.

It happens.

It's important to not let it upset you when it does.

I can only control me - nobody else. It's imperative to my peace of mind that I remember that.

DG