Any Thoughts?

[rubywillow]

I have a problem, and I'd like your input. It's hard to put everything in to a short post, but I'll try. I have 7 grandchildren. The oldest is my son's stepdaughter, and while my son and her mother were married, he was not allowed to discipline her, or correct her behavior in any way, even though he provided the home she lived in, the food and clothing she needed, medical insurance, even a nice car when she was old enough to drive. When my son realized she was skipping school, even taking her younger sister out of school, he tried to take her car away, but my ex-daughter in law kept giving her a key and allowing her behavior until she got pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend. She is STILL unmarried, with no education, doing nothing with her life. Now that my son has divorced his wife, I find out my 16-year-old granddaughter, who was my constant companion before I got out of control with my drinking, has dropped out of school. I've been talking to her, since I've been worried about her for quite a while, but stupidly tried to let her parents deal with the situation. Now I have to take action. I've been researching homeschooling, since at her age it seems like the only option. She told me yesterday no one but me cares what happens to her but me. Her mother needs psychiatric help; her grandmother just had the funeral list for her husband listing his grandchildren named call the oldest daughter by her boyfriend's last name, as tho they were married, so she wouldn't be embarressed. Not ONE of my ex-daughter-in-law's sisters graduated from high school. There's so much more going on there, but nothing but 'status' impresses them. My son, nor me, is guiltless in this, but I haven't slept well in weeks just worrying about my girl, and what part I played in letting her down. I'm going to pick her up in a minute. She starts studying with me today, and I'm researching and planning everything I can to help her catch up. Our daughter offered to take her in, but my daughter-in-law won't agree to it and my son won't enforce it, since my granddaughter is afraid to go since our daughter will demand she take on responsibility. I really don't want my daughter burdened with this right now. My next granddaughter, who is a wonderful student, has said she wanted to go live with her aunt (my daughter), and get away from the stress of her life. I'm at a point now of insisting on whatever is best for the children, and ready to impress on both my son and ex-DIL what means I'll take to do it.
After this whole long thing, I'd like to ask for your input, any experience with homeschooling, and, as usual, your support. I own my responsibility in letting my girls down because of my drinking. Now I HAVE to help save them. The youngest only wants to be with her Daddy. She can't stand to be alone in a room, and when I asked her why, she said so her Daddy wouldn't leave. I'm sorry to pour all this out to you, but you are my friends, and it just feels better to have your input on things that mean so much to me. Thank you for reading this all, and thank you for your support.

[Gold]

Any Thoughts?

Not sure how much help I can be as the system will be different in the UK to that of the US, but, my eldest daughter decided she wasn't going to go to school when she was 13 and a half. "People", myself included, told her that she had to go to school, it was the law etc etc etc. She created an 'information pack' for me including a letter for me to write to her school withdrawing her, and the relevant section of the education act relating to home education/home schooling. At first I ignored all this and took the line that she had to go which created huge tension for both of us. With what I know now I would say that when a child or young person goes to great lengths not to go to school it is for a good reason, and possibly not the reasons most people think of.

In the UK there are two years to study for public exams called GCSE's between the ages of 14 and 16, this then at 16 is the end of compulsory schooling, there is then the choice to go on to do A levels for two years and perhaps apply to University, or study something other than A levels.

At the time she was out of school she had no interest whatsoever in studies, she was interested in plenty of other things though, in particular animals and she spent a lot of time with them.

As I was beginning again to despair that we were getting nowhere, she decided that she would like to go to University after all having found a course that interested her, this was nine months before she would have taken her GCSE's had she been in school and we had done nothing toward them, to make matters even more challenging the University she wanted to apply to was Oxford University!

Anyway, we found a way through, a combination of 'distance learning' which entailed purchasing the material from an online college and submitting work for marking, and I managed to persuade the Local Education Authority to assist in a small way. We had a tutor who came once a week and was a moral support to a large degree, my daughter did the work because she wanted to. She passed her GCSE's with good grades not as many as she would have taken in school but enough. She then went to college to take her A levels age 16-18. She was interviewed at Oxford although she wasn't offered a place, but it is no mean feat to get an interview especially with seven GCSE's as opposed to the 11, 12 or more that others had. She has gone to a good University which she graduates from this year and has applied for a Masters at a European University.

The biggest challenges were my attitude to the situation, worry etc and taking too much notice of what other people thought, and finding a centre for her to actually sit the exams.

It can be done, it is important in my experience to make sure that she is working toward something she wants to do in the future so that there is a destination in mind, and be open minded, life doesn't have to chart the path that convention tells us. Coming out of school as she did has given her a maturity, initiative and ability to study independently that has stood her in very good stead.

[KateH1]

Any Thoughts?

Hi Ruby
I have to run out to a couple of meetings, so this will be brief. My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to see our family members suffer and particularly the young ones, with their whole life ahead of them. We know, education is a critical factor to our success in life. I commend you for stepping in to help!

I do have experience with home schooling. Of course, this was quite a few years ago. But we experienced great success with home schooling. Even though I am a former teacher, I chose to use a very well respected and approved curriculum. You might want to research "Calvert Home Studies". This program is used by many traveling diplomats who live out of the country.

I would be happy to answer any questions you might have, or just talk to you about this. Let me know if I can help!

XXX Kate

[Grateful]

Any Thoughts?

Dearest Ruby: I do not have any experience with homeschooling....but I am here for you. I, also, would do anything for my kids and grandkids. A lot of people don't agree with me (including my own husband) but that is the way I am, so I understand your need to do whatever you can to help your granddaughters. I would hope that her parents would respect her decision to live with you since she is 16. There is no doubt in my mind that you would would be a wonderful teacher for her. So I think you should do what you feel in your heart is the right thing.

Love ya. :l

[rubywillow]

Any Thoughts?

I have a problem, and I'd like your input. It's hard to put everything in to a short post, but I'll try. I have 7 grandchildren. The oldest is my son's stepdaughter, and while my son and her mother were married, he was not allowed to discipline her, or correct her behavior in any way, even though he provided the home she lived in, the food and clothing she needed, medical insurance, even a nice car when she was old enough to drive. When my son realized she was skipping school, even taking her younger sister out of school, he tried to take her car away, but my ex-daughter in law kept giving her a key and allowing her behavior until she got pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend. She is STILL unmarried, with no education, doing nothing with her life. Now that my son has divorced his wife, I find out my 16-year-old granddaughter, who was my constant companion before I got out of control with my drinking, has dropped out of school. I've been talking to her, since I've been worried about her for quite a while, but stupidly tried to let her parents deal with the situation. Now I have to take action. I've been researching homeschooling, since at her age it seems like the only option. She told me yesterday no one but me cares what happens to her but me. Her mother needs psychiatric help; her mother just had the funeral list for her husband listing his grandchildren name call the oldest daughter by her boyfriend's last name, as tho they were married, so she wouldn't be embarressed. Not ONE of my ex-daughter-in-law's sisters graduated from high school. There's so much more going on there, but nothing but 'status' impresses them. My son, nor me, is guiltless in this, but I haven't slept well in weeks just worrying about my girl, and what part I played in letting her down. I'm going to pick her up in a minute. She starts studying with me today, and I'm researching and planning everything I can to help her catch up. Our daughter offered to take her in, but my daughter-in-law won't agree to it and my son won't enforce it, since my granddaughter is afraid to go since our daughter will demand she take on responsibility. I really don't want my daughter burdened with this right now. My next granddaughter, who is a wonderful student, has said she wanted to go live with her aunt (my daughter), and get away from the stress of her life. I'm at a point now of insisting on whatever is best for the children, and ready to impress on both my son and ex-DIL what means I'll take to do it.
After this whole long thing, I'd like to ask for your input, any experience with homeschooling, and, as usual, your support. I own my responsibility in letting my girls down because of my drinking. Now I HAVE to help save them. The youngest only wants to be with her Daddy. She can't stand to be alone in a room, and when I asked her why, she said so her Momma wouldn't leave. I'm sorry to pour all this out to you, but you are my friends, and it just feels better to have your input on things that mean so much to me. Thank you for reading this all, and thank you for your support.

[rubywillow]

Any Thoughts?

Well, I just lost a long post, after I was such a smarty-pants at thinking I had this all figured out. Thank you all so much for your replies. I spent the day instructing my girl, and sent her (unhappily) home with an armload of homework. I'm going for it the old fashioned, loving way. I'll keep you all updated. Again, thanks!!

[KateH1]

Any Thoughts?

I am not quite sure what is meant by the "old fashioned loving way"....LOL But, here is just one more question. Are you trying to prepare her to pass the GED? If so, there area lot of GED prep books out there, that could help to guide you and also to prepare her to pass this exam. Good Luck!

[rubywillow]

Any Thoughts?

Thank you all so much for your suggestions and support. I'll be figuring out something as quickly as I can, as I intend to have her study throughout the summer since she's so far behind now. I'll keep you updated.

[mama bear]

Any Thoughts?

Ruby
I just wanted to post and let you know I am here for you and support you. I have no idea what to tell you......I am just here for you as you have been here for me:h

[rubywillow]

Any Thoughts?

KateH1;823354 wrote: I am not quite sure what is meant by the "old fashioned loving way"....LOL But, here is just one more question. Are you trying to prepare her to pass the GED? If so, there area lot of GED prep books out there, that could help to guide you and also to prepare her to pass this exam. Good Luck!

Kate, no one has ever held Tay accountable for her behavior. She's mean to her younger sister, and speaks appalling to her mother (I believe because she has lot all respect for her). The loving, old fashioned way I mention is teaching her about morals, consequences, respect, and accountability, along with regular schooling. She can be the sweetest, smartest kid in the world, but is angry at her family. She said she thought she was born into the wrong one, that my daughter was supposed to be her mother. It's heartbreaking really. But she's promised to work hard, and I'm going to involve a lot of travelling trips that are educational, and encourage her art interests.:thanks:

[Draggy]

Any Thoughts?

ruby, i have absolutely no words of wisdom, knowing nothing about homeschooling or the american schoolsystem, all i can do is give you :l:l:l:l:l across the pond and even though i dont know you as such i "know" you well enough to know that you do the best for your g'daughter cause you're such a loving, caring and wise person

xxxdraggy

[KateH1]

Any Thoughts?

That's great Ruby, definitely all that you mentioned are essentials for living! Sorry I misunderstood, I was thinking about education from a purely academic standpoint. I always worry for kids that do not even have a HS diploma. It is nearly impossible these days to earn a decent living without at least a bachelors degree, let alone, HS. I wish you much success with all you are doing!

xxx Kate

[Sweaty Betty]

Any Thoughts?

Ruby -

Have a look at Oak Meadow, they do an onlin curriculum, and EDHelper is a good resource as well.

Good Luck.

Bets.

x

[rubywillow]

Any Thoughts?

It's hard for Tay; beside her family turmoil ( and I certify her mother is a lunatic) her 2 younger sisters and daughters girl are all in the excellerated programs at school, outgoing, involved. They are all beautiful (of course!) and that even worries me more. Her mother starts putting highlights in their hair as early as 11! It should be criminal.