I felt like was so strong after 14 AF days! I thought I would NEVER drink again. What happened? My husband stopped at the liquor store on our way home from visiting with family and I was sitting in the car, pissed off at him. All of a sudden on impulse, I went into the liquor store, bought me a fifth of vodka and drank the whole thing. I was so sick all day yesterday. Again, feeling all the shame, guilt, self hatred, etc. I thought I would NEVER drink again. I don't know what happened. I was away from the site, dealing with family, tired down and blah, blah, just more excuses. Life sucks. I can't run to a bottle every time things go wrong. I experienced the high of not drinking, feeling so much better physically and mentally. I just don't know what happened. I was tempted not to come back to the site, because I feel so ashamed. Now today 2nd AF and I got to go through it all over again. I feel so sorry I robbed myself of the happiness I felt and so sorry I let down all the wonderful people here who were trying to help me. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a lost cause and don't want to waist any more time trying to help me. I'm so sorry.
-
I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be. I'm definetly not who I want to be,
but I'm sure not who I used to be!
There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Phil 4:13 -
Not Again!
Please don't leave :l
I understand your frustration and the feeling of shame. I feel like that too. But there is so much support here, and you are not a "waste" of time! I keep letting myself down too, but I know I need to stick close to the support offered on here, and eventually the quit will stick. We can do this together!
:h:heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:
Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think. -
Not Again!
SOBS - there is no point at all in beating yourself up about having a drink. Just not worth it. Everyone (well my guess is most people) here who are successfully AF for some time had ups and downs in the beginning. It's all part of the package. You didn't let anyone down except yourself so only you have to forgive and forget. You've started back AF again and that's what matters. Try to recognize the triggers - what sets you off. You say you were dealing with family, tired and pissed off. So you have to urge surf as Mario would say. Realize the urge, face up to it and work your way through it. JackieClaire posted something a couple of days ago. This is what she wrote...
I was cleaning out an old purse the other day and came across a little piece of paper that I used to carry round.
On it were 5 simple rules that I made for myself.
STOP AND THINK:
1. Do I want his drink?
2. Do I need this drink?
3. How will I feel later?
4. How will others feel when find they find me drunk?
5. How will I feel tomorrow?
I think something like that could help all of us because no matter at what point we are in our battle against AL, there are always times when temptation strikes or something pushes us back to our old habit of reaching for that glass of wine or that bottle.
Just don't be so hard on yourself. It is a negative emotion and right now you need positive thoughts.
Take care,
Stirly
For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
AF since 10/10/2015:yay:Comment
-
Not Again!
Sunshine! I've been missing you.
Glad you came back to the right place.
No point in beating yourself up cuz your hangover is already doing that.
Dust yourself off and let's get going.
What's your plan for this day and for tomorrow?
PM me if you want! I finally have all my supps and the topa......I have enough energy and strength for both of us. I will bottle it and send it to you!
LOVE to you my friend.
:l:h getting better every dayComment
-
Not Again!
I was cleaning out an old purse the other day and came across a little piece of paper that I used to carry round.
On it were 5 simple rules that I made for myself.
STOP AND THINK:
1. Do I want his drink?
2. Do I need this drink?
3. How will I feel later?
4. How will others feel when find they find me drunk?
5. How will I feel tomorrow?
Love this! Five excellent points to consider! Thanks Stirly!:h getting better every dayComment
-
Not Again!
Thanks to JackieClaire. She's the one who posted the list...the bellinator;824863 wrote: I was cleaning out an old purse the other day and came across a little piece of paper that I used to carry round.
On it were 5 simple rules that I made for myself.
STOP AND THINK:
1. Do I want his drink?
2. Do I need this drink?
3. How will I feel later?
4. How will others feel when find they find me drunk?
5. How will I feel tomorrow?
Love this! Five excellent points to consider! Thanks Stirly!
For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
AF since 10/10/2015:yay:Comment
-
Not Again!
oh sobs.....I am so sorry
but keep coming back....
this is a struggle and a fight and we will not win over night
you just started and it's gonna take a while baby....
we still love youI love my family more than alcohol.:h
Live in the Solution....not the problemComment
-
Not Again!
Thank you so much for your forgiveness and encouragement. I still don't feel good, but atleast I'm not as sick as I was yesterday. Today I am cleaning house, getting back on my supplements, exercise and trying to pull myself out of the hole and the "stinking thinking". Stirly, thank you for your posts! I love it! Bell, you are such a terrific friend! I am so excited you are feeling so good and yes, please send me a bottle of that energy and strength! I feel so discouraged and disappointed in myself! Seems like after you go through the hell of that first week, it's never over! People who quit for years, I don't know how they do it. But giving up is not an option. I'll be better tomorrow. I will not drink today and I will try not to look back or forward but only focus on TODAY! Love you all and thank you so much!I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be. I'm definetly not who I want to be,
but I'm sure not who I used to be!
There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Phil 4:13Comment
-
Not Again!
Thank you, Mama Bear and K9 for caring. We can all do this together. I have to believe that!I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be. I'm definetly not who I want to be,
but I'm sure not who I used to be!
There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Phil 4:13Comment
-
Not Again!
Hang in there sobs...you can do it. Just dust youself off and start again. The physical and emotional pain you are feeling are part of the process on the road of recovery. Just another thing I've heard said around boards such as this and groups such as AA:
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DRINK AGAIN--EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU WANT TO.
Hope this helps! :l
flowerComment
-
Not Again!
Something else struck me as I battle AL and my weight. I didn't get to this point overnight, and I won't get better overnight. It is going to take time and there will be bumps in the road. So--SOBS--you just got a bump out of the way and are closer to getting better.
:h getting better every dayComment
-
Not Again!
SOBS - All these bumps in the road lead to a town called sobriety we just sometimes take a wrong turning.
The most important thing is that your back on the road and realizing the detours are overrated and a waste of time....
You have a great attitude and I can see how much stronger you are than even a couple of weeks ago.
Keep moving forward the journey is SO worth it!
:l"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
AF - JAN 1st 2010
NF - May 1996Comment
-
Not Again!
sick of being sick, we would never give up on you! Remember though, quit beating yourself up, it's energy you need to fight this addiction. Just get back on the horse and don't look back! Pm me anytime. Sending you lots of hugs,
runningwind :l:l:l:l:lThe greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. William James (1842-1910)Comment
-
Not Again!
sher, that is all so true for me. wake up bargaining with myself. i dont want a drink in the morning (well, sometimes i did but it was rare). i have definately found i have to be mindful and aware all of the time at the moment so AL doesnt creep up on me.
sobs - keep on at it. youre here and talking, that shows how much you want thisToday is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
Keep passing the open windowsComment
-
Not Again!
Hon, most of us have been there. Think of it as new learning experience, a sad one. Did you feel better with your sobriety, or being drunk? Which one had the best consequence? Which feeling do you want for the rest of your life? And when the opportunity to drink comes again, and it will, which one will you choose? You have come back, you have taken the next step. And you have support here, pulling for you to make the right decision. Hang in there.sigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
Comment