Antidepressants

[Guest]

I given some thought to this, investigated what am I doing to my life.
I don't have health insurance and have a home business with no access to 'help.'

As we always know, our gut feelings are the truth in the end. IF we are in a bad marriage, job, move, we know we need to make changes. But many times, most times, WE talk ourselves out of that. We go into a depression....we look for ways out of that feeling. Maybe if we can an antidepressant , alcohol and some I guess, illegal drugs. We just don't want to face life and change!

I've always researched and tried to keep myself informed which led me to you all.

We have to quit, not facing my our feelings....gut feelings. No amount of alcohol, no amount of drugs, prescription, legal or not......are going to alleviate this feeling hanging over us.
Depression is a NORMAL feeling. It is our mind and body telling us, make a change.
We don't want too........hey change is painful, difficult, sometimes so life changing how could we ever get through it. So we medicate, take Antidepressants. Let us not feel anything, pain or happiness...... lets go to a void, where no feeling exisits......just to avoid depression.

I am becoming very late in life to realize. There is no pill or alcohol, that can take away those feelings. Just doing what we know inside, those gut feelings we drink away or avoid through going into depression. This world is so full of kids, adults living their lives on pills and alcohol. We all need to wake up and say......why am I depressed?

It is there for a reason. I know I need to make drastic, very painful changes in my life. I so wish I didn't. But I have fallen into such a depression and started drinking again to mask all those feelings.......that lets face it, they are there to tell me......Hey wake up make the change!

When will we all wake up? We are masking a human condition that is there for a purpose! Depression says to you......hey we are unhappy!!!! Change !

We say, No I will take a pill that helps me to refuse to admit I need to change. Hey combine that with alcohol, you've got a mental health ward in front of you. The you, is lost in the drugs or alcohol you are taking , instead of , hey I am avoiding life! I turned to this. NO I have an alcohol problem. We don't say those things......we hide under conditions and 'diseases'. So much easier than, I have to do this very difficult thing and admit I have to change myself and lead a normal life.

We don't have a disease....we drink, we take otc drugs, we take anything we can to avoid! We take prescribe drugs, we take unprescribed drugs we buy over the internet. Just so we don't have to look at how we screwed up our present life!

I do drink to avoid. I took Antidepressants to avoid. I know in my heart what I should do and I know as long as I don't, I will avoid.

I have to finally admit to myself, as I see my life sober or drinking, getting out of my control. I am avoiding life!

[redhibiscus]

Antidepressants

Savinggrace,

You are so right on so many points. Drinking alcohol and taking antidepressants does not make sense. Alcohol is a depressant, so of course you will feel depressed when you drink. The great thing is you can get help for free. AA or posting here. And if you need the supplements, they are alot cheaper than booze. I used to spend way more on wine, vodka, etc that the price of alcohol and going out.

The thing is it takes a plan and effort. You sound discouraged and I want you to know that many who have made positive changes have drank for 30+ years. Me included. Taking one day at a time, AF, and you will notice changes. Maybe not huge right away, but wonderful small things. Like waking up sober and feeling peace.

Please keep coming here and asking for support, you can do this AF thing and live the life you have always imagined.

[Guest]

Antidepressants

Red,
If I sound that way, I did not express myself correctly.

What I was trying to say is, yes, I see my fault in how I have been looking at life.
I have thought depression was a normal part of life. Maybe some of us just have it.
So we take pills not to feel, some of us drink to try avoid feelings, which of course all of us here know......fails!

I am saying, I know now, later in life and research, to get over all these feelings of depression, which precedes in some of us the drinking and in most of us after the drinking.......hey....our mind and body is saying , quit this s**t, try another way, this is not working.

We have an innate moral compass that tells us right from wrong. It doesn't care if we are doing the wrong or is it who we are with is doing the wrong. It just tells us.....get the hell out of Dodge. We don't listen, we make excuses. When we are young it is our kids, older it may be financial or health. Always an excuse. But our inner soul does not let up on us, it demands we make changes. Hey we can drug it, we can drown it in booze, then it really tells us, unrelenting, how we are not listening! Make a change!

I am going to listen. It really is so simple. Depression is our mind, way back in our sub-conscience telling us.......hey you better change. The more we drink........the harder it gets on us....It wants us to be healthy. It is our soul telling us......wake up, get your life together. I sincerely believe that. Our inner soul is fighting us to live healthy lives!
Haven't you all, as I have, been really drunk, done things you think you'll never live to overcome. Isn't it within you mind, your soul, is taking you to the bottom, trying to make you see........wow, you can not do that.

What do we do, later in our addiction, but drink more, lets silence that voice. I don't want to hear how I FAILED! It had to be him, it had to be her, damn a few drinks and it's not me anymore.

Ya, I failed, I failed to listen. I am trying to now.

NO , nothing about it is going to be easy. I just finally gave up and listened.

[Guest]

Antidepressants

Yes....please believe, I have not given up. I just have to do the right thing. For me that may mean homeless, and for me I imagine myself homeless and a drunk.My my inner soul knows i won't do that.

I'm so very afraid, but I can't shut it down. Every incident here takes me further down. Each drunken night married to this drunk, both of us, takes me further down. Each woman getting on my case about how my husband tells her we have no marriage, takes me further down.

Each time he lies to me, what I heard him say to her on the phone did not happen, while he was blacked out and hoped I was, how much he loves me. Just doesn't fly anymore. We are both drinking to extreme anymore......hey unemployment ran out, he plays gigs for cash, I have my business....but not enough to survive. I refuse to be part of his lies anymore. I know he is going to be shocked and relieved at the same time.

I have a travel trailer I can live in thousands of miles from here through the summer. Kids and grandkids I actually in the end, long story, gave up to have security and a man who loved me. I've ended up with nothing. I'm done punishing myself.

[hiddengoal]

Antidepressants

Saving Grace -

Listen with every cell of your Being - Your gut is your guide. Let the changes happen. Sounds to me, like you have tuned in and are facing it. Keep writing and good luck to you.

Hiddengoal

[Guest]

Antidepressants

I put his cell phone, where he contacts all of his girlfriends, in a glass of water, in a black out. He spent the day getting it back. It does work, but can't get on the internet or do pic's anymore.
I gave him the 100 dollar bill I had saved to get me out of here. He said he won't take it all I have left , but he took the pickup I spent 5 years paying off tonight to another gig. he has never had anything as good as what I own.......he has wrecked it, my pickup several times. He take my driver's license and my bank card and goes buy booze with it. I called my daughter yesterday after he left, all his vehicles broke down. She said call the cops on him........I just can't. I am going to have to go through sober again while he is a drunk. OH well.