Easter

[KatieB]

Hi All,

Well, the Easter holidays are fast approaching.. and for those of us who don't have families/or many friends will find this time incredibly lonely/depressing and isolating.. and can lead to the temptation to drink or get drunk.. My ex will have my son from sat - mon night (as he didn't see him much last w/e as it was my b'day so I had him an extra day).. I am working sat and mon, but have no plans for the daytime on sat or sun.. my friend's (the couple i have.. not many) are either going away or will be with their own families.. I am starting this thread in preparation so i can hopefully learn some skills/ideas of how to keep myself occupied and how to stay away from the temptation to drink to deal with the loneliness and the depressing thoughts of everyone having happy family bbq's/times together.. has anyone got any ideas of what I could do? also, I am not religious so I will not be wanting to go to a church.. thanks all! xxx

[Stargazerlily]

Easter

KatieB,
I also have no plans for Easter. All my family lives a distance, and so have to make the holiday one that is meaningful myself.

I am sure lots of people are not having happy family bbqs/times together. Or if they are getting together, it will not be fun!!! Believe me, in the past I have been to miserable family gatherings and could barely wait to go home.

Part of getting sober for me was learning to be alone and not feel lonely. Knowing that it is OK to have times when I will not be with anyone and it is just part of my life. I noticed taht with me, feeling sorry for myself often led back to drinking. It is good to know so that you can correct the mindset.

You mentioned not wanting to go to church and not being religious, but how about spirituality? That to me is totally different. Maybe you could explore, through reading or on the internet, spirituality? Just a thought, as I find the subject endlessly fascinating. Meditation is also a refreshing practice, another area to learn about. Have you ever heard of affirmations? Louise Hay has a great book You Can Heal Your LIfe, that I found very helpful in changing my negatvie self talk.

With your son going to his Dad's, it is a time of grief/loss for you and you are still not used to having your son leave. But what a time to get your house in order. Clean, pay bills, then plan a little exercise, bath/shower and pedicure or manicure. You can prepare a little meal and then watch a movie, read a good book, browse at the mall, and just enjoy your me time. By the time your son gets back, you are well rested and glowing and can devote your time to him.

It is hard, but you can do it. YOu have already made so much progress, you are amazing. So, keep telling yourself this and know it is true.

[hillsidetime]

Easter

Hi Katie. I think that it is awesome that you are thinking and planning ahead. Star made a great point in her third sentence for sure. In my town, they do some activities for kids that are free - a massive egg hunt in a park etc. Perhaps you could volunteer with a kids group on the weekend. When in doubt get some cut daphodills or tullips to brighten up your house for the weekend. You can do it.
Hill

[rubywillow]

Easter

I wish you all a peaceful, sober, Easter. For me, I guess I'm my family's touchstone now that Momma is gone, and I love spending the days leading up to Easter putting out the bunny rabbits and and the eggs; dying and decorating eggs to hide, coming up with new 'prize' eggs. I guess, if I were alone, I would look for ways to involve myself in helping others have a happy day. As it is, I dread the day mine don't feel the thrill of hunting the eggs, begging us to hurry with our meal so they can search for those much handled, cracked, probably toxic colored eggs. My life has always been filled with family, children. It's a blessing and a curse. :H But to all of you, wherever you are, I hope you have a wonderful day. If you are spiritual, think of the lesson the day brings. My children's children are having a ball with Buddy Snickers, Sugar Foot, Chuck (?), their new pet rabbits. The changes in our society have caused problems with our traditional celebrations (i.e. holidays). I feel like an air traffic controller trying to work with my kid's schedule to get us all together. I know not having your son with you is a real heartbreaker, but if you can't find something else to do, come here. Peace and sobriety to you all.

I LOVE YOU, EASTER BUNNY!!!

[KateH1]

Easter

It is so easy to feel badly when we find ourselves alone, especially during special holidays and events. But, it seems that these days, with families scattered many miles apart, and divorce etc. this happens quite often. You can always take yourself out for the day, Lunch at an outdoor cafe, bring along a book that you have been dying to read! Who knows, maybe you will even make a new friend!

You can always volunteer at a shelter, particularly one that takes in families. You can even call ahead and ask how many children are there and ask if you can bring "special treats" for them. I have gone to The Goodwill before and brought a box of books for the kids! I have done this before, and it is extremely rewarding and fills us with gratefulness! Another place to volunteer would be a nursing home. The elderly often feel isolated and alone an are so grateful for company!

Alcoholsm keeps us locked in our self centered world of sadness. In sobriety, we learn to reach out of ourselves and to reach out to others and most of all to be grateful each day for what we do have and not what we don't have.

Best To All!
Kate

[rubywillow]

Easter

KateH1;830622 wrote: It is so easy to feel badly when we find ourselves alone, especially during special holidays and events. But, it seems that these days, with families scattered many miles apart, and divorce etc. this happens quite often. You can always take yourself out for the day, Lunch at an outdoor cafe, bring along a book that you have been dying to read! Who knows, maybe you will even make a new friend!

You can always volunteer at a shelter, particularly one that takes in families. You can even call ahead and ask how many children are there and ask if you can bring "special treats" for them. I have gone to The Goodwill before and brought a box of books for the kids! I have done this before, and it is extremely rewarding and fills us with gratefulness! Another place to volunteer would be a nursing home. The elderly often feel isolated and alone an are so grateful for company!

Alcoholsm keeps us locked in our self centered world of sadness. In sobriety, we learn to reach out of ourselves and to reach out to others and most of all to be grateful each day for what we do have and not what we don't have.

Best To All!
Kate

Kate, you are such a jewel! I've done lots of the things you mentioned, and am trying to teach son's girls how to give. Daughter is already doing that with hers. I've never felt I've given more than I've received. Thanks for your post.

[KatieB]

Easter

Thank you all,
I will definately endeavour to stay away from AL this weekend and make myself useful.. i will look on the internet for activities that I can maybe help in or at least get away and out of my house for the day (easter sunday anyway),
Katie xxx

[byebyebridgetjones]

Easter

Hi Katie,
I notice that this is a recurring theme for you, and understand because I'm the same.
Keeping busy but not TOO busy has been a challenge for me. If I acheive too much in a day I find myself getting frazzled and a bit 'high'....might just lead to wanting a 'reward' if you know what I mean !!!
IN the early days really enjoyed reading again. I'd read so little for years. It's hard to focus on the page when your vision is swimming. Also the pleasure of watching a DVD, and actually remembering the story (what a novelty)
Have you got a dog to walk ? Blowing the cobwebs really helps change your mood.
Another early activity for me was doing a spring clean. OK it's Autumn, but with climate change, who would know the difference ?:H I found decluttering and cleaning helpful on so many different levels. We even had a thread about it at one stage of the game.
Good luck. I know it's a tricky time.
Bridge

[rubywillow]

Easter

Bridge, you bring in a fresh thought, Always!

[byebyebridgetjones]

Easter

We can but try Rubes :H

[KatieB]

Easter

thanks Bridge,

I agree with you about the deep-cleaning.. always therapeutic.. my flat is long overdue a good clean and sorting out.. i find it does take up a lot of time, and it feels great to have a brand-spanking clean house! i will play some music and do a good clean, go for a walk or maybe catch a train somewhere.. i also may look into volunteering at something but i dont have a car so some places are tricky to get to.. i am also really shy and have social anxiety so im not sure about that one.. i got 5 books out the library yesterday so i can do heaps of reading.. dvd's are good too.. just some 'me' time.. i also might pop on that dating site and get to know some men i could potentially date! thanks for all your ideas, my list is growing.. i will write everything down so i dont forget!!
Katie xxx

[IAD]

Easter

Keep it sober hon ! Even though I'm having family and friends over this Easter ( Which I'm not looking forward too ! Ha!) I can remember when I was 21 and in the Army and over in Korea. It was the first time I was without my family.....spent all the holidays that way ....was over thier for a year. You know....I made the most of it ! I had a grand old time with my Army buddies that were in the same boat as me........IAD Hang in their KateB !

[spuddleduck]

Easter

ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN DRINKING!

[KatieB]

Easter

spuddleduck;831023 wrote: ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN DRINKING!

So true, Spuddle!
I have lots of ideas and will make sure I stay away from AL - it will only make me depressed.. then remorseful the next day.. it does not "cure" anything but will make me feel worse! It's only one long weekend.. its not the end of the world.. at least I won't have to put up with rellies that are annoying! I can enjoy my own company and read all the great books I got out from the library and do some "autumn cleaning"..
Katie xxx

[ATLThrash]

Easter

KatieB--now that you are sober you might want to consider the use of paxil or another antidepressant for social anxiety -- Donny Osmond-- I know geek alert-- had it for years and is an entertainer-- he said it saved him. Drinking for alot of us takes us out of ourselves and that is better at the time than feeling awkward-- so maybe think about this with your therapist-- no antidepressants really work with AL cause it is a depressant! I found making myself clean the hopuse is so rewarding after I actually get in to doing it. And although you are not religious, when I was in college I used to find that showing up alone at a Catholic service with the music and rituals was very comforting and anonymous-- -- didn't really have to be down with the religion (though I was raised in it) but it was quite comforting to know that some things just do not change! A week from this Sunday start watching the Tudors if you get it there (it is on Showtime)-- I got so into the Tudor period I read so much that I really could not think of anything else! Sounds odd but even now I watch the reruns and it comforts me. I was like you thinking always of how I would confront things-- then I just started to pick out a bunch of things I was interested in and trying to do them-- it has worked for me-- hockey, Tudors, cleaning (I know-- what a geek)-- stopped thinking about how I was going to get through the day and just filled it with stuff I liked.

I was single until I was 28 then involved with my now husband but I used to go to dinner or a mall by myself-- one of the funnest things I did on Saturdays was to go exercise and then get organized for the wek (such a sense of accomplishment) then get some wings (buffalo wings-- I am sue they have them there but they may be some different name??) -- yes, I did drink then but I was in control-- and I actually have found that when I stick to routines and have the od beverage that I am rigth on track-- lists were big to me.

You are a very smary woman and I know you will find your way Come to Atlanta sometime-- we can go look around teh Dirty South!