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    #1

    A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

    Hi all
    Been AL free for 4 days now, Yey!! But, I have a few social events coming up, the main one being a wedding where my ex will be. Its the first time the 2 of us have been attending the same social function and im really nervous. In the past ive been to these things and ended up hammered, made a complete idiot of myself and offended a few people to boot! What a lovely person I am when im drunk! I so do not want to do that again. I have ordered some baclofen which i hope to start soon, but im scared nerves will get the better of me and i will start on the wine. I have a new partner who has never seen me drunk and i would be devastated if he saw me so I guess thats one good thing. The thing is, i dont think ive ever been sober at any social function and im not sure if im going to like it or how im going to cope not hiding behind drink. Any advice here please? Feel a bit like a fish out of water!
    Thanks x
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    #2
    A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

    Hi Santy. Here is the planning I did to handle social events. I really tried to avoid social events with AL early in my sobriety. I still don't really like most of them. But that's OK. It's better to endure a few events that I'm not enjoying than the alternative that you mentioned - shit faced and in loads of trouble, remorse, guilt, etc.

    Here's what I do:

    1. Eat before I go. (I'm less likely to have bad drinking urges on a full stomach)
    2. Decide in advance what I WILL drink. Take it with me if possible. (probably not cool to a wedding, but what I'm presenting is my general plan. I want to know EXACTLY what I will say when asked "what will you have?")
    3. Arrive as fashionably late as possible.
    4. Have an exit strategy.
    5. LEAVE before I drink. Period. Even if that means being rude. I'm not drinking. Period.

    I suggest not getting worried about what other people think. Focus on staying sober. Worry about what people think in a year or two when sobriety comes easier. For now, just take care of yourself.

    You might have more fun than you think if you go in with a good plan and just DECIDE you will not drink. Get that off the table and enjoy yourself!

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

    One day at a time.

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      #3
      A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

      Turn up looking like a bombshell (remember Princess Diana's little black 'f you' dress ? Yep me too )
      New man insitu of course (ner ner nee ner ner)
      Keep a bottle of something straight and sparkling (apple juice ?) in your bag. If someone gives you wine tip it out and replace it with your own. Either that or offer to get the drinks yourself. Order a soft drink in a mixed drink glass. I often drink lemonade or soda in a tall glass which looks exactly like the Vodka I used to drink. I just can't be bothered answering questions at this point....and they shouldn't be asking them anyway. I have even taken drinks and poured them down the dunny, replaced them with soda. As the night wears on and people get rat-arsed they stop noticing.
      It can be quite enlightening to watch and listen to OTHER PEOPLE be the party pisshead for a change.:H
      If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
      Rejoined life 20/5/19

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        #4
        A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

        How do you do this? With planning. Make your plan now. Doggygirl and BBBJ both gave excellent suggestions. Without a plan, it is so hard. Also, you have the option of not going. But, if you are going, decide on what you will drink and stick to it. It will end up being a great time AF, I promise.

        I have been to weddings AF and really had a much better time, and believe me the next day I was sooooo thankful to not be hungover and shamed. Let us know how it goes.
        Formerly known as redhibiscus

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          #5
          A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

          If you think you might drink, don't go. Be ruthless with your sobriety.

          Best wishes Santy.

          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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            #6
            A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

            Hi Santybury, I understand the complex emotions that you are going through. The good news is that you are thinking about it - if you use this energy positively it can help. You know you may be nervous, you know your ex will be there, you know you want to be sober : so you are not going to get surprised by those things, and therefor you have the power.

            I just survived my first weekend long function. I did not tell anyone I am af, but I stayed sober and really enjoyed myself. I did a combination of saying "not now thanks" and similar cryptic comments when offered drinks. In addition I would walk around drinking non alcholic drinks, and people assumed I had booze in there. I got through it, and I am so glad. Those functions no longer make my blood run cold, with the over thinking.

            Hope this helps, and I hope your weekend is fun and sober.
            Hill
            Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

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              #7
              A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

              i would choose not to go if poss. it sounds like its not an option so follow all the above suggestions. just think how marvelous it will feel not to be that idiot drunk that people expect. great chance for you to be a new improved person... and please leave if you are tempted... fake a headache of tummy upset. good luck
              Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
              Keep passing the open windows

              Comment

                #8
                A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

                Hi!
                thanks everyone who answered me, lots of good advice there and i am determined not to be the drunk with her face sliding off at the end of the night. If its OK with you guys, im going to check in here before I go and then check back in as soon as im home as I feel totally supported here and know that people here do understand and care about each other. Thanks again, I will post how it all goes xx

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                  #9
                  A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

                  goodluck saintbury and it is always allright for you to :check: in here, actually it be great if you droped in more often,:-) have a great time, await your reports.


                  :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                  Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                  I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                  This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                    #10
                    A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

                    Ooooh, Santy! Some of our younger singles have given you KILLER advice. Instead of worrying about drinking, concentrate on yourself, your new guy, and, right! leave before you're tempted. Keep 'em guessing, babe!!
                    sigpic
                    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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                      #11
                      A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

                      Thanks again all of you!! my new guy is a lot younger than me, drop dead georgous, and is a trader in Canary Wharf!!!! My ex is life and soul of the party and used to kick the crap out of me. When we split, I lost everything and was bang in the middle of my university course. Somehow i got through it and graduated, got a job in Harley street and have now set up my own business which I know I am going to make work. This event means a lot too me, its like two fingers up because I survived him. I am determined not to be the piss head everyone is expecting so will do whatever it takes.
                      THANKYOU ALL XX

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A dreaded social event! How do I do this???

                        santybury;833232 wrote: Thanks again all of you!! my new guy is a lot younger than me, drop dead georgous, and is a trader in Canary Wharf!!!! My ex is life and soul of the party and used to kick the crap out of me. When we split, I lost everything and was bang in the middle of my university course. Somehow i got through it and graduated, got a job in Harley street and have now set up my own business which I know I am going to make work. This event means a lot too me, its like two fingers up because I survived him. I am determined not to be the piss head everyone is expecting so will do whatever it takes.
                        THANKYOU ALL XX
                        Good on ya, Santy, I am pleased you are making life good for yourself. However, you MUST make life good for YOU not to prove an ex wrong!

                        Let us know how the wedding goes. I have a wedding invite in the UK next year and although I would like to go, I am so embarrassed about what I have done in the passed, I am considering not going. I don't know the date yet but I hope it's during the school term so I have an excuse to turn it down. But then again, it's the first wedding out of all my nephews and nieces, so on the other hand, I am thinking of going anyway, even if we have to fly in for the weekend.

                        Let us know your plan and how things work out.

                        Spam

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