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**Guitarista** · April 3, 2010, 02:47 AM

Liar

Hi Cindi,
My thought's are, and this is obvious, and i say this respectfully, but the first thing is, get off the booze. I know of your battle with this, but what are say......ok, Can i ask you, what would be 5 steps in order from 1 to 5 that you need to take to stop drinking, (if this is what you want) and stay stopped? (presuming of course you are still drinking?)

And i ask this question in the spirit of re- focusing, and getting back to the basics, with much love and respect.

**Cinders** · April 3, 2010, 02:53 AM

Liar

G,

I take it with respect.

I am not sure. (wrt to 5 steps)

I realized today that something I learned from a counselor years ago and never "understood," was that I am an adrenaline junkie. I like the rush of the challenge and the hard work I do. However, at the end of the day, or morning or whatever, I need a way down.

I am John Belushi in a much milder form.

I spoke to my AA group about this today, openly and honestly. It was a great meeting.

I think the first thing I must do is stay sober. (I can do it for days at a time but then "lose it" when I am wired.) and figure out how to deal with the stuff I do.

Does that make sense?

My AA group says I need to quit my job and find something else.

I would rather quit my job and fish.

Cindi

**Guitarista** · April 3, 2010, 03:01 AM

Liar

Makes a lot of sense to me Cindi.
I reckon quitting that job might even save your life, from what you post about it from time to time. For me, to get off the booze and nail it with some decent af time, in order for af to become a new habit, i needed peace, and stability around me, so i hibernated for a couple of months, and tried to control my environment as much as possible, like just keeping stressor's away as much as i could till i was strong. I'm glad to hear you have the support of AA too.

**AMELIA** · April 3, 2010, 03:28 AM

Liar

Hi Cindi,
I lied and lied and lied about my drinking mainly for two reasons: (generally)
I lied so that I could continue drinking and I lied to avoid confrontations. (obviously being caught being deceitful fuelled some confrontations).
Yes lies feed our addiction, but on the flip side - we would not need to lie if we were sober...

I know myself well enough by now to know I have serious danger areas. They involve getting wired;
Too much caffiene, too much sugar or getting too tired; too much work, too many hours...
Bearing in mind too, that being overtired can be like being wired.
Plus of course, not dealing with emotions.

I am glad that you are mentioning your job again. How do you feel about the prospect of changing your job? I know many people have posted rather long posts to you about your work situation, but I have not seen your reply to many.
What are your payoffs with keeping your work situation as it is? What are the cons? I take it that drinking is a con, but is it also a payoff?

I am only just over the month mark again. Some days are easy, some days I really have to remind myself of what is important to me. The awfulness and repetitiveness of my drinking habits.
I too still put myself in 'dangerous' situations. But the cons outweigh the pros of drinking to me. So far, I have been able to 'think it through'.

Your comment 'I would rather quit my job and fish' says it all. Are you happy about your situation? If not, how can you change it?

**Marshy** · April 3, 2010, 04:35 AM

Liar

Hi Cindi,

Yep, addiction makes liars of us all.

I quit a job I'd had for eight years and that gave me time and space to tackle my drinking. Well, actually, it first gave me the freedom to drink all day long because I didn't have to go to work any more! So I drank every waking minute for three months and THEN decided I had a bit of a problem.

If I'd stayed in that job (which I liked and was well paid) I'd still be drinking today.

Change can be scary and just a real pain in the arse to put the effort in, but it's necessary.

**Stargazerlily** · April 3, 2010, 04:52 AM

Liar

Cinders, addiction makes liars of all of us. I too value honesty, so when I drink and hide it, lie about it, it kills me inside. The shame is so overwhelming. I hate it. I am trying so hard to stay AF.

Identifying my biggest triggers helps me most of the time. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and the witching hours of 4 - 7 p.m., weekends, and being in situations where there is drinking. Having no alcohol in the house. Making being AF a priority. If your job is a trigger, then as hard as it is, sounds like it might be time to start looking.

I have followed yours posts for a time and you are really an interesting and determined person. This darn disease is just that. Your real self shines through in all your posts. Sending you wisdom and strength.

**brittzak** · April 3, 2010, 05:53 AM

Liar

Cindi,
We ALL have lied. I told so many lies on top of lies, I didnt know what the lies were anymore. First thing in repaiting your self-worth is to STOP. Stop lieing to yourself first. NO ONE believes the lies...they see right through us, but drunk we sure do think we have them all fooled. If you start with yourself...you can move on to others. When you get the "I know you lied", simply say...yes, yes I did, but I am doing my best to overcome that part of my addiction. Don't entertain an arguement over it. That beats you down and makes you wanna give up. You are doing so good. Chin girl and keep on keeping on. Love you...

**gyco** · April 3, 2010, 05:58 AM

Liar

hi cindy,interesting assumption by your husband,my wife after 34 years of marriage is just starting to understand alchoholism,i watched rain in my heart i beleive it was called,starts put it on a while ago,if you havent seen it,watch it,then after that ask your husband to sit down and take an hour and a bit out of his day to watch it,having an addiction to alchohol it is the only way i no how to get it across to so called normies,if thats what they call themselves,drinking is not normal,at any amounts,as far as being a lier,no,i dont beleive that,he probably would rant and rave anyways,my wife does,and thats ok,ive accepted me,i am who i am,the old saying is,we no were not happy when we drink the way we do,i stress we no what we do is wrong,ive recently said to my wife,for some the only way to quit,is to leave everything behind and start all over,i love my partner to death,she knows that,i can only speak for me,I no my Illness better then anyone,I have to fix it,as far as Aa telling you quit your job,ask them when you quit,if there gonna takke yor bills and pay them,hope it helps cindy,gyco

**Guest** · April 3, 2010, 06:23 AM

Liar

Hi Cindi,

I am going to slightly disagree with Marshy (sorry, friend) but we all tackle things in different ways.

I gave up my job and have cut my AL consumption drastically. I was in the stress, get home, open a bottle cycle. My main reason for quitting work was so that I didn't have to put my son into vacation care or with friends in the hols.

I quit work on 16th Jan, went on holiday until 23rd Jan and "quit" on 25th Jan. I was drinking 1 - 2 bottles a night. I have done a couple of 11 day AF stints but basically I am drinking about twice a week. I drink less in a week now than I used to drink in an evening.

We have now just started the first school holiday and I am so glad I don't have to juggle work and childcare. We have so much planned for the next couple of weeks.

I am lucky (and not boasting) that we can live on hubby's salary alone. If work is not "working" for you, then it may be time to start looking around.

Hugs and Strength.

Spam xx

PS = I, too, am an adrenaline junkie. If I could, I would parachute and bungie jump every day. Excercise and running has been a really good thing for me - endorphins and all that.

LT · April 3, 2010, 08:35 AM

Liar

Marshy posted:
I quit a job I'd had for eight years and that gave me time and space to tackle my drinking. Well, actually, it first gave me the freedom to drink all day long because I didn't have to go to work any more! So I drank every waking minute for three months and THEN decided I had a bit of a problem.

I did the same thing as Marshy only my home binge was a bit longer... now I am on 8 days. Thanks to the advice from WonderWorld years ago I ordered The Artist's Way and am working on getting myself back.

My experience was awful -- I was an upper level administrator at a large university caught between the cross-fire of imcompetent higher ups and complete orginazational dysfunction. Like Cindi, I put my all in and would often time "Fix It". It got to the point when my rude boss would just say "Fix It" ... now I am FIXING ME!!!! And, it took a year to deal with what I believe is PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) -- it was that bad.

Cindi -- please take care of you!

:l lt

**mama bear** · April 3, 2010, 08:48 AM

Liar

As alot of you know I whine and cry about my job all the time.....Cinders...can you quit????
I agree with Gyco....who is going pay the bills??? if you are able go for it.....and I willbe jealous and drink evenmore!!!!
There is no way in hell I can quit...so I muddle through and drink less
and yes....lie constantly......I HATE that.......
sending love and support
mama

**rubywillow** · April 3, 2010, 08:50 AM

Liar

Cindi love, I know some of what you've been facing in to your life. Have you asked yourself if you justify keeping the job to escape the family tension? If so, I can understand that. Hubs and I are at a very difficult juncture with his career and retirement, so I feel there are going to be some BIG changes and adjustments on the horizon. Alcohol is a liar, promising comfort, release of tensions, escape from the pain, so why are we surprised when we abuse it we become liars? Self-respect goes first, after we realize we're not fooling anyone. I pray you seriously sit down, look at your life, and make some decisions that will save you. I've been here long enough to know you are a wonderful, intelligent caring woman, who deserves some happiness and peace.

**rubywillow** · April 3, 2010, 08:54 AM

Liar

BTW, with your medical diagnosis, why not check into disability. You've earned it. Maybe we can go fishing together one day.

**greeneyes** · April 3, 2010, 09:04 AM

Liar

When we drink, we may exhibit behaviors that are not present in our normal state. Like lying about drinking. I don't think that defines us.

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