One month and one day

[sick of being sick]

I really do not want to admit this, but I drank last night. Not the gallon of vodka I so desperately wanted, but half a bottle of wine. I didn't really get drunk, just relaxed and able to sleep for 8 good hours. Don't really feel like "I have to start over" or I would have gotten really drunk, but maybe I do. I felt so ashamed after reading Ruby's post about my one month sober and all the people who I care so much about commenting on it. I feel like I let everyone down, especially myself. I guess I am just making excuses. The truth is I do not know how to deal and cope with life and all the feelings I have ignored while drinking. After a few weeks of not drinking, all those feelings and painful memories came back and I became overwelmed, added to that I have been feeling bad with an eye infection for a week now. I am 6' under and feeling sorry for myself. I can't earn my family and my husband's love. I can't fix everything and make everyone happy. I am not the reason everyone is unhappy. It is not my fault that my husband, children, parents and siblings all drink and are acoholics! It is not my fault that the world is at war and there are people all over the world starving. I can't fix anything or anyone, including myself. I am tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders! I am tired of trying to be everything for everyone! I am finished! I don't know how to cope or deal with life any other way, but this way is not working for me! If it weren't for the friends I have made here and all the encouragement I have received, I would completely give up, bury myself in a hole with lots of vodka and drink myself to death. So there is my truth. I'm so sorry if I have let anyone down. I really don't feel I have any thing to give or say other than I am so sorry and so thankful for all the friends I have made here.

[rubywillow]

One month and one day

We'll celebrate the next 30 days, love. You hang in here.

[Doggygirl]

One month and one day

Hi SOS. Please do not feel alone. What you are going through is in some way shape or form, what many or most or maybe even all of us have gone through. I think one thing most of us have in common is "stunted growth" at dealing with life itself. I don't know if you have ever heard the term "emotional sobriety." To me, that basically means being able to handle life's ups and downs in a mature and appropriate fashion. Notice I said "mature and appropriate" not "perfect and continuously perky."

I've heard it said that when we start drinking, we stop developing on some level. For me, that means my emotional and social development, and the development of really USEFUL coping skills was stunted from the time I was a teenager. If this is true, then this is common for many of us. (if not most or all of us)

That is why you should not beat yourself up. Or if you SHOULD beat yourself up, then all of us should. That would be one heck of a :b&d: party. But I digress......

You did not let anyone here down. At the end of the day, we are each responsible for our own sobriety. (IMO) We can help each other in sobriety, but that's not the same as being responsible for each other's sobriety.

Only you can decide how you want to "count your sober days." There aren't any rules. For myself, I count continuous sobriety only because relapse could be deadly for me. I am almost 2 years sober and if I drank a bottle of wine today, I can only hope I will live through the experience, and be Day 1 AF again tomorrow. But that's just me. At the end of the day this is our lives...not a ODAT contest.

The only way you will learn to cope with life sober is to stay sober and start learning. Drinking won't help in the "better coping" department.

Hugs to you Vickie. The is a life learning experience. We didn't get where we are over night, and we won't get out of it over night either. That's OK. Enjoy the journey!

:l

DG

[runningwind]

One month and one day

sick of being sick, Your right, you can't fix everyone, you can only model the walk. It is up too the rest of us to choose through your example. Reading over your post, it looks like you have all the right answers on what to do. Please don't look back at last month, just deal with right now. I know without a doubt you are going too be one of the winners!

runningwind :l

[fennel]

One month and one day

I'm really not a fan of AA slogans, but here's my second one in three days...I think they have a saying that goes something like "Progress, not perfection"...

I know you're feeling badly right now, Vicki, but look at how far you've come in the last month. Yeah, you drank last night, but you can have a different tonight, and tomorrow night when it comes.

None of the messed up stuff in your family is your fault, and no...you can't control what people do, or think, or how/who they love. However, you can make a difference to you, and you can learn to love yourself. We have to do this for ourselves- what kind of existence will we have if we don't learn to live without A? You're still learning...so am I, and so is everyone else here.

Plus, there's a lot of love here...even though we may not "know" each other, we certainly know what we're all going through. :l

[NoraC]

One month and one day

((((((((((((Vicki))))))))))))
Hang in there!!! Grab hold & climb back on board. We all feel like that. I think that's why a lot of us are here. We carry the weight of a lot of burdens on our shoulders.
Time to take care of ourselves for a bit!
You have been doing great! And you are doing better. So, don't beat yourself up. You are still doing great! :l:l

[tlrgs]

One month and one day

im just so happy that you are back and staying with us my dear friend .. living life on lifes terms takes but one day at a time so just keep on doing your best and learn ...believe me it does get better with every pasting day sober

[Eternity]

One month and one day

First of all, let me heartily congratulate you for notifying us in a timely manner. You have done the most difficult part and thus avoided a relapse so far.

You're quite rightfully in a fragile state of mind right now, and the next few days are critically important - fear not, we'll handle it just fine :l

Biologically speaking, that half bottle of wine activated the neurons just enough to mess you up a bit, but not enough to cause withdrawal symptoms or trigger dipsomania. Half a gallon of vodka would be quite a different ending. Again, grats on resisting that.

Psychologically, you feel depressed because for one thing, alcohol is chemically a depressant. You also feel sad and guilty about 'losing your sobriety" and that brings about feelings of failure and low self-esteem. We'll deal with those later if they persist. But I'm betting they will not.

Right now, you have one important issue: do NOT take any more alcohol. At any cost. I cant stress this enough. This is the stage where a minor slip leaves you wide open for a full-blown relapse. I know it ain't easy, but you can do it.

During the next few days, you may be experiencing intense cravings for alcohol. Don't let this scare you, it's part of the disease. They don't last longer than a few minutes, and eating sweets can help as bringing up blood sugar lessens these cravings. Also avoid feeling hungry and stay away from tea or coffee for a few days.

I'd also recommend stocking up on vitamin B as it is a vital nutrient for the nervous system. Any tablet with 250 mg B1 + 250 mg B6 + 1000 mcg B12 is good and they ought to be available in any pharmacy or drugstore. Read the prescription and use as directed.

If you're not on anti-depressants, consider using them as they usually make it easier for the alcoholic to cope. Please consult a physician for the kind that best suits your personality and condition.

If you live in a place where people drink around you, well - shame on them for ignoring your efforts. So be it - we mind our own business. If you're pretty sure none of that half-bottle remains in your system - (I checked your time of posting, it should all be gone by now) - by all means take a tablet of Antabus. 250 mg of disulfiram should clear your mind of any drinking temptation for a week or so. It worked for me.

Lastly, I'd like to say again: your half-bottle should in no way be a disappointment. On the contrary, you have displayed exemplary behavior by owning up to your sobriety and asking for help. Just take it easy for a few days and have patience. Remember: what can't break you down will make you stronger.

My heart's with you, Godspeed :h

[sick of being sick]

One month and one day

Thank you all for your encouragement. I actually feel better, like I've dumped a lot of garbage on the side of the road by being honest with myself. I hope and pray that I won't go back and pick it up. I also realized I needed a good lesson in humility. I can lend a hand, but I can't save anyone. I need to concentrate on saving myself. Thank you all for sticking beside me and offering such good advice, encouragement and love. I love you all, Vicki

[K9Lover]

One month and one day

Hi SOBS,
Sorry to hear that you had a slip. I can definitely relate. I made it to 40+ days, had a slip, then fell right back into the old pattern of drinking a 12 pack of beer every night. I am here again, now on day 6. Congratulations on getting right back on your quit. Do you have Antabuse available? I am taking it this time around, I can't recommend it highly enough. Stay strong and stick close to us...I wish you nothing but the best!
:l
K9

[spuddleduck]

One month and one day

sobs, you can do this. you have some geat advice here. we are with you x

[leaveinsilence]

One month and one day

Hi honey:l

I can only say what the others have said, yes you slipped but at the same time like you said you've learned from it and now it's your chance to move on, I know how hard it was I got to 30 days and bamn went straight back to stage one again. Just think of all the things you acheived and coped with sober though honey, you did all those things without drinking and you know you can do it again:l time to concentrate on yourself though, get yourself through this stage..

If you need anything you know where I am, we're all here for you.. xx