What was your moment of truth?

[someone_else]

I have read Shirazgirl's, but was just wondering - what was it that made you change your goal from moderation to abstinence? Just curious what different people's experiences are/were.

Thanks,

Someone Else

[rubywillow]

What was your moment of truth?

SE, there were so many! But eventually, it turned out to be a slow awakening to the fact that I was sick, dying even, and I wanted to live. All the horror before had added up to that unsurmountable truth, and I had to make a decision: live or die.

[KateH1]

What was your moment of truth?

Good question! For many years I knew that I had a big problem with alcohol. I would have days with no alcohol and then I would way over due it. I would over do it at the worst of times, and all too often make a fool of myself...then I would promise that I would take a break and learn to "control myself and my drinking" better the next time. My drinking progressed to a bottle of wine every night and then vodka on top of the wine....and of course, more on weekends. My drinking remained at this level for a couple of years. Then I found MWO...after a couple of months here I decided to do 30 days and then moderate. AT 28 days AF, I was going to have a drink or two, just to relax. I was sure that I could now control my drinking. Right! so typical of an alcoholic! Well, I got totally crazy, black out, pass out, drunk.

That was my final drunk! The next day, I fully accepted that I am an alcoholic, that no amount of willpower or self control works for me once I reach for that first drink. I had reached my moment of truth.

Kate

[Gearhead]

What was your moment of truth?

For me I had legal intervention-- sober up or lose my kids. The moment where I had to face a judge with a laywer I'd hired, and be told my b#$&^ ex wife would be awarded temporary full custody of my children. This was a short term thing, but it spawned sober thinking, sucesses in life, and recovery from divorce. I began to question any real value in drinking at all-- and here I am six months dry and never happier or more sucessful in life. It's not all roses but its much better this way. I try to see the world as my children do-- and they don't see any value in grownups acting stupid.

[k4rsk]

What was your moment of truth?

I hope my moment comes before I lose everything.

[someone_else]

What was your moment of truth?

Thank you all! I think I am still in the process. I hope others continue to post responses to this quesion - it is so interesting and helpful.

Best to you all...

[AMELIA]

What was your moment of truth?

I stood in a supermarket wine aisle after a couple of weeks sober thinking that I would just 'have one'. But I couldn't visualise 'one'. My mind visualised a bottle, then I thought even that wouldn't be enough. I would have to get at least two. So I didn't get any.....
I know honestly, that if I drank now, it would be to get drunk - quick. There would be no 'glass or two' bollocks. I would be straight back into thinking a bottle is not enough.
That I am afraid (or happy to realise) says it all for me.
None is better than one.

[papmom3]

What was your moment of truth?

I have known for many years now that my drinking was not normal and I would tell myself I need to cut down and drink "normally". Only on weekends, only in social situations etc. Even did a Facebook challenge a while back and failed miserably. My heartburn was getting so bad nothing was blocking it. My MD finally forced me to see a GI specialist to schedule a Colonoscopy (because it was time) and an Endoscopy. I had been somewhat honest with my primary MD about the amount I was drinking every nite but may have sugar coated it. With this GI guy tho, when he asked me how many glasses of wine I had a night, I found myself answering him brutally honestly. He didn't flinch, but asked why I drank so much. I said: "it's the only way I can relax after work". He very bluntly said: "You need to find another way to relax". So now you're thinking: Oh this is her Aha moment!!
Nope. Although it was in the back of my mind for the next few months, I still continued down the same path. My voice was getting horser and hoarser. I blamed in on allergies but I knew full well what the problem was. Then, on the day of March 4th, I woke up after drinking who knows how many glasses the night before. I had a half bottle (1.5 L) left, but I think there had been another bottle in the fridge. I felt like crap. Dragged myself to work for a very important meeting at 10. When I called in to say I was going in just for the meeting I was very convincing as I truly sounded like crap. I thought I was going to die on the way home.
Spent the rest of the day in bed regretting what I had done and feeling really bad that I was too sick to go to agility that nite. Was this my moment of truth? Nope. Drank the rest of the bottle that nite even tho I still was sick. Of course I felt better after the first glass. Guess what? Called in sick on Friday too. Any wonder? THAT was my AHA moment. That was when I knew I had to do something or risk losing my job. I had been reading "The Addiction Cure" off and on for a few weeks (drinking the whole time of course) and was on their website trying to find out how much it would cost to go there for a month. I wasn't having any luck and wasn't ready to call them. That's when I saw the Google ad on the right for MWO. Now I NEVER click on Google Ads but for some reason I did this time and boy am I glad!! I downloaded the book and the next day went in search of the supplements. I also ordered the CDs and the All One Powder. I have been pretty much AF since March 5th. On Easter I consciously made the decision to have 2 glasses of wine with dinner. I didn't need the second one to be honest and it didn't even taste good. My fear was that I would crave AL on the way home and be really frustrated because the stores were closed. It didn't happen. I was sober but tired when I got home.
It's been an interesting journey but I couldn't have done it without MWO. I have some social situations coming up this spring and summer where AL is very prominent so we'll see how I do but for now I feel like I'm pretty much in control. Whenever I start to think about buying a bottle and getting plastered (because for me it wouldn't be about thinking I could just have one or two when I'm home alone), I think back to March 5th and how horrible I felt and I ask myself: Is it worth it? So far the answer is NO!!
My family knows that I have decided to abstain for the most part and they are very supportive. I was proud as punch to tell the GI doc that I had been AF for 10 days just before they put me under for the two procedures on March 15th. I saw him smile when I told him. My primary now knows that I am AF and she is wicked supportive. I gave her the MWO website and she was thrilled. I'm slowly telling other people that I've stopped drinking and they are supportive but mostly surprised to hear that there was ever a problem. Now if I can just get this sleeping problem under control, life will really be a bowl of cherries for me!!

[CatsMeow]

What was your moment of truth?

Papmom3 - this is CatsMeow here - first (now second time!) poster; your sleep remark jumped out at me - my doc tried some of the meds on the market for sleep and they are dangerous and a disaster. I made an online cash transfer which I did not remember because of the sleep meds. I immediately threw them away. Please trust me on this -- it's the alcohol. In just a fews days without a trace I am sleeping better than ever. That was one of my biggest problems and then push to stop drinking. I did some research and alcohol really disrupts sleep much to people's surprise. Sure, it "puts you to sleep" initially, but then wakes you up and completely disrupts your normal sleep pattern. I've been drinking soothing teas with honey before bed and have actually slept until 9:30 this past week while off work on vacation. Give it some time and your sleep should return to normal, that much I do know. CatsMeow

[papmom3]

What was your moment of truth?

Thanks CatsMeow (love that name!!),
Yep, I know all about the AL induced sleep and then waking up in the middle of the night. When I stopped drinking over a month ago, I fully expected to have a week or 2 of fitful sleeping but then it turned into a month of insomnia coupled with frequent awakenings when I did fall asleep. I tried all the OTC remedies (all natural: melatonin, bedtime teas, homeopathic etc) and nothing worked, not even the Calm Forte. I saw my doc on Wed and through careful questioning she realized I also suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome which I guess I've always had but it was suppressed with the AL. She gave me the meds for that and the first nite was a disaster-no sleep at all and very groggy the next day, almost hungover like. Second nite a tad better. Last nite even better-slept well inbetween the wakenings. Tomorrow nite I can up my dosage. She and the pharmacist said there are virtually no side effects and that what is in print rarely rarely happens. If I find myself on a bus to Atlantic City then I'll know the meds are a problem LOL!!
Thank you so much for your concern. I will be careful, I promise!! :thanks:

[Guest]

What was your moment of truth?

SE,
Like Ruby I had so many. I could never understand in my early drinking days why I seemed to drink more than others at the table or why they drank so slowly!
I would also go a month without drinking, then try again. I was single really for the first time in my life, 42 years old, so socially inept. Just wanted to fit in and have fun.
I fought for years to drink. Then fought to not drink. 1 rehab, AA for 3 years, three years ago hospitalized for alcohol & 2 Xanax tabs, 3 days ICU, 4 days forced mental hospital. Years of working to pay my co-pay. Totally alone! Still not enough misery for me to quit for long!!

Finally, after 18 years, losing contact with all I loved, losing friends, marriage failing, life in shambles, knew I had to finally make that choice. I would never be able to moderate, never be able to take that first drink. Live or die alone is now my choice.

I chose living.
:goodluck: