My Husband Wants a Divorce

[greeneyes]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

Reenie, I see that you did 8 months before. You can do it again. And I agree, your actions speak louder than words. Remember this? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...tml#post805986. I found that accepting to give up AL forever was incredibly freeing. Can you accept that? And, do it for yourself. I think that's what helps it stick. You can do this.

[AAthlete]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

Reenie, it almost cost me my marriage, and was the catalyst behind me getting sober. As others have said, actions do speak louder then words, and those actions have to occur consistently and over time. I used to get so upset because I would be sober a week, two weeks, etc. and the next time I drank my wife would still give me a hard time. Didn't she see that I hadn't drank for two weeks????

Turns out it wasn't just the alcohol that was the problem - it was everything. I just used alcohol to cover up my real problems and until I addressed them I was still the same old me. I remember my wife telling me after several months of quality sobriety 'you've changed' - and I had. Not only was I not drinking, but I wasn't that bitter recluse anymore either.

You can get there, but just remember that it takes work. So be patient with yourself and him, but work the plan you have in place as hard as you can. Ironic how damn hard we can work at drinking, yet find not drinking so difficult?

[rubywillow]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

AAA is so right. Our loved ones have heard it all, seen it all. There is almost always some unlying problem. For some of us, getting AL was a lot of work, planning. I live in the wilderness, compared to many. Had to incorporate a long drive into my day just to get it, hide the money used somehow, hide it when I got home, and remember to be sober during certain times. If I'd used that effort on making my life BETTER, who knows where I'd be. Hubs used to say, he never knew who he was coming home to. He was loathe to come home, but knew he had to in case I hurt myself. I promised him anything to get through THAT episode, only to repeat it. Sound familiar? Only now, after so long, has he relaxed, and begun to enjoy being with me again. You can get there. I talk about my experience only to show you we ALL have been in similar situations, and you CAN find your way out! It takes, as AAA said, as much work to get back as it did to get there. Then, you can begin to regain trust.

[CatsMeow]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

Reenie, someone I love dearly was faced with your situation. He told her she had a choice - go to rehab on your own, or I'll wait until you're passed out on the floor and I will call the EMTs to take you there - your choice. She did the rehab and came out much healthier and better for the experience. She attends AA meetings and is going strong. He has remained with her because of his love for her and her resolution to get better. It was not easy on either of them but they are together and take it one day at a time. CatsMeow

[Doggygirl]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

Hi Reenie. Great comments here from everyone! Don't really have anything new to add, but wanted to just add my support for your plan. Work the snot out of it. You can do this. There are many whose marriages have been in tatters from AL that are together now without AL. It sounds like your husband is willing, if you are. Go for it!

As it is said often on the Daily AF thread, AL is a fecker.

DG

[Guest]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

Reenie,
I feel for you. I am in the same place, got told after my last black out, it was over, he was moving out.

I thought, what am I doing? I've lost my pride, my self confidence is completely gone, I've distanced myself from everyone in my life who ever loved me, all for alcohol.
Any reward I ever felt from it was gone!!

I don't know that we shouldn't probably divorce. I'd convinced myself I drank because of my marriage. But I don't know now what came first, the drinking or the problems.

I do still love my husband, I think?

I've been sober now for 16 days. My husband has come around, is proud of me. Put his wedding ring back on, although I realize that hinges on my staying sober.

My husband has many problems that have contributed to this failing marriage, but we focus on mine, the glaring alcohol problems! And they have been.

I've never been one to defend my drinking! I want to know, if it ends, it wasn't the drinking that did it. I know to have a life married or alone I have to do it free of alcohol. Life has become pure hell with it. I am AF for me, I want a life I am proud of again.

Take care of yourself! Then you know, either way, the outcome will be in your favor. :l

[FionaS]

My Husband Wants a Divorce

My husband empowered me to drink...when I got sober...he left.......I have been divorced for a year....finding myself....a whole, new better me....

We are both Adult Children of Alcoholics, so share the same traits...I am learning to deal with my childhood, living with an alcoholic father...my ex...well...he will just carry on making the same mistakes....playing the victim....

Reenie......this path that we choose to follow, may not be easy......but well worth all the bumps we come across.....we become co dependent.....we have a disease....Go to AA meetings, and get him and your family to go to Alanon....the love and support are amazing.

Take care

Fion