Why do I do it????

[Bree]

I can't believe it's been so long since I have been here on MWO.
I have been AF since November, and doing really well, in great form, etc, etc.
But what do I go and do, last weekend a gang of us went away with our underage
rugby team, of course the drink was flowing, and I got stuck in, not just one or two, no the whole hog, got totally plastered, blacked out on both nights we were away. My hubbie & kids were with us and had to deal with getting me to bed, etc. I am so ashamed of myself, and think the whole team of parents view me in a different light. I haven't had a drink since, nor want one, but I just feel so crap letting myself down like that, not to mention my daughter 15, who worries so much for me. Jesus, I am such a fool, I hate this bloody drink, it's tearing me apart. Anyone got any words of wisdom for me.
I don't miss AL when I'm not drinking, but when I start, it's a case of "hello, old friend".

[Guitarista]

Why do I do it????

Hi Bree,
Why don't you work out which direction YOU want to go in. Start again, and just build up your af day's to week's, month's etc, etc......What's it worth to you? What's more important to you, your booze, or your integrity as a human being and a parent? Do you think you can moderate? Not sure? It's either yes or no, so get that little experiment over and done with as soon, and as safely as you can. If you know already that you can't, Bravo! Get cracking on your true path.

You are not a fool, and you sound like a great mum.
Best wishes.

[Doggygirl]

Why do I do it????

Bree, I can understand what happened. I proved to myself many times that I CANNOT control what happens if I take one drink. There is not "one drink" for me. I have to remain abstinent. The benefits of an abstinent life though are tremendous for me.

I had to accept 100%, with no reservations, that I cannot drink safely, ever. I can pick up a drink as easily as the next person. I can drink whenever I choose. I just can NEVER do it safely. So for me, I choose not to drink.

As long as I entertained that "this time will be different" lie in my head, even a little bit, I struggled.

The best gift you can give yourself and your family is your sobriety. Hang onto it with both hands.

DG

[Reenie]

Why do I do it????

Bree: "I don't know why I do it" either. I'm on Day 2. I woke up this morning thinking the same thing. Time and time again, I find alcohol doesn't do anything positive for me. Whenever I drink, it's a disaster. What do I get out of this? What is my relationship with alcohol? I need to confront these answeres and think real deep. Get back on track. Learn from your mistakes on Rugby Day. Forgive yourself and move on.

[AAthlete]

Why do I do it????

I've come to accept that my brain doesn't work like normal peoples' (at least when it comes to drinking) and I try to keep in mind that it is very capable of 'insane thinking about drinking.'

I shared an analogy many moons ago that I always try and keep in the back of my mind. It's from my AA group, but is very fitting to me:

"A man walks into a restaurant and order scrambled eggs for breakfast. He takes a few bites, has an allergic reaction, and falls down onto the floor in convulsions and the waitress has to call 911. A few weeks later that same man walks back into that same restaurant and is served by the same waitress. The waitress asked him what he will have (and points out the great French Toast special), and he orders eggs again. The waitress looks at him horrified and says, "the last time you had an allergic reaction to eggs and nearly died - you can't eat eggs!"

The man looks at her with a straight face and says with all the conviction he has, "ah, but this time it will be different - I am going to order them sunny-side up instead of scrambled..." The waitress shakes her head and says, "you're insane - and you're going to die..."

It is that insane thinking, that thought that somehow, someway it will be different this time (maybe if I drink beer this time), that I have to be so careful of. It doesn't matter whether I haven't drank for one week, one month, or one year - my first drink will take me right back where I was (as you found out).

Learn from this, so that you can take something positive out of the whole situation, and good for you for jumping right back on the AF bandwagon.

[rubywillow]

Why do I do it????

Hey AAA, great post. Love the comparison. Bree, sorry to see you again under these condition. Someone great that I loved said "I'd love to have one drink, to get that rush that one drink brings. But I look at that one drink and know it has no bottom, only poison."
Get back on that horse, it was a pretty good ride!

[Cinders]

Why do I do it????

Wow.

Great thread friends.

I am trying to do what it takes.

Love,
Cindi

[AMELIA]

Why do I do it????

Doggygirl;835352 wrote:

As long as I entertained that "this time will be different" lie in my head, even a little bit, I struggled.
DG

Bree, this quote by Doggygirl says it all for me too.
I know that I will not stop at one. I know one drink when I visualise it is a bottle (at least). Picturing one glass of wine - just one is like torture to me....I wouldn't be able to carry on and on. I have been honest with myself after a very long time and I realise 'one' really means a bottle +.
So with that in mind. I know without a doubt that I am not a normal drinker, so will stay well away from the bottle.
Perhaps, like me, you just can not have any?

[Marshy]

Why do I do it????

Yep, like everyone else, I've never had ONE drink in my entire life.

Also, Bree, you say you can't believe how long it is since you've been on MWO. For me it's essential to maintain my sobriety and guard it. If I didn't think about and didn't spend some time every day (for me) doing something to protect it, such as coming to MWO, I would be back to square one fairly quickly.
How are you maintaining yours?

[Gearhead]

Why do I do it????

Instead of thinking about what a bummer it is you can't enjoy ONE drink ask yourself what good comes out of ANY drinking. Name any benefits, please.... I'm drawing a blank :-)

like someone said, come to MWO sober too and read these stories. This is a daily struggle.
Best of luck

[Bree]

Why do I do it????

Thank you all for your positive and encouraging words.
I know what I have to do, I do it for months, and then, wham, I'm back in the s**t hole!!
There is no benefits of drinking yourself stupid, only heartache, I know that firsthand.
I am a totally different person when I'm AF, but the devil gets in to me, when I take the
1st one, and it's a downhill spiral after that.
I guess, I'll never learn, just when I think I have it tackled, I fall again.
Good luck to all, and thanks again for you kind words.:thanks: