Why is it that......?

[Nina328]

I was thinking about this last night. Trying so hard to think about why I drink. I started making a list in my head:

-Drinking releases stress
-Drinking makes me feel young again
-Drinking makes me forget how much weight I have put on
-Drinking makes me forget that I yelled at my kids

and then I thought. Drinking is what causes all of the crap that I am trying to get rid of. Well, you can't fight the age thing, but drinking will age you.

It is just such a sick vicious cycle. Sometimes I fantize about being shipwrecked on an island where there is no access to booze so I have no choice. URH!

Still limping back.

-Nina

[lushy]

Why is it that......?

Nina, you have read my mind. You are not alone and that conversation goes on in my head all of the time. We can do it, we can do it. We are smart and have common sense. Keep at it!!!

[Preciouspinot]

Why is it that......?

I very much identify with your posts and have these same conversation with myself over and over in my head. Just 3 days in a row of being AF makes such a big difference, believe me! My problem, is I do that, get over confident and then over indulge. But, the good side is you are now starting to have great insight to what is going on with you and recognize how you tick...that is one part...changing how you tick is a whole different animal...but keep with the program ..it works!

[headless1]

Why is it that......?

Nina you're so right. Drinking does make everything go away for a while. That's the seduction of it for me.
But as I have aged my body is so less tolerant of all the miserable side affects. But I keep trying or not trying depending on how you look at it. But you are definitely right--adding to the list is it makes you feel

not depressed
forget family discord
forget how much drinking has affected your life
keeps you from atttaining goals
and the list goes on, but the point you make is so true, drinking just makes you feel good for a brief time and causes more problems and saps your health which to me is one of the biggest reasons not to drink. But yet I persist. I keep attempting to quit but don't. Something keeps me coming back for more no matter how painfull it gets. Well it took me many attempts to quit smoking, and I have a hard time giving up coffee but I will persist with my 2 or 3 days of abstinence and just see if I can figure out how to string it out to a year or more. Frustrated is my only thought. Very frustrated, good luck and thanks for the post I definitely relate to your thoughts.
headless

[Allie]

Why is it that......?

Nina,
You did so great in the past, I have no doubt you will get to that place again soon. You are so honest with yourself, and that is foundational, dont you think? When you really look at the ugliness of what it does to you physically and to your life and relationships, it really does help put things into perspective.

I wanted to ask you too -- didnt you used to take Antabuse? If so, why did you stop and is that something you would try again or are you taking any meds, or just supps? I remember you being really positive that it was working the whole program that made it successful for you in the past, so I was curious as to what if any meds you were using this time if you dont mind sharing.

Its good to have you back!
Allie

[Denny K]

Why is it that......?

Nina and Friends, I just found this site tonight. First time I am posting. This Friday I will have 2 years sober. I also can identify with your feelings. I had them in my early days of sobriety. I found the way out of the restlessnees, irritability and discontentment. We suffer from physical craving and mental obsession, the way out is to expereince the psychological change necessary to remove the obsession. Alcohol used to be my master. Now I am free.
Continued Sobriety for all,
Denny K

[lushy]

Why is it that......?

Wow Denny, I know I would love to hear more about your journey and what has worked for you. Glad you found us. Congratulations on two years. That is huge.

[xtexan]

Why is it that......?

Denny K:

You wrote three words I am still searching for. "I am free"

Although I just achieved 10 months without a drink, I still don't consider myself free.

I still have so much work to do on my psychological issues. I still have so much work to do on my health and physical condition.

Mainly, I still need to do so much emotional reconstruction, because even at a half-century old, after 35 years of drinking, I never developed a lot of the inner stability to deal with life the way I want to.

Please let us know more about how you got to two years.

Neil

:welcome:

[Mary Anne]

Why is it that......?

Drink for the same reason

I drink for the same reasons (as most of us do, I am sure!)

To ease stress, feel pretty and skinny, feel young, forget problems, the list goes on and on:upset:

I am just coming off a few weeks where I thought I wouldn't ever have an AF day again, now I am on #2, Denny do you go to AA? or another program? I want to find happiness, never found it there(in AA), but maybe I did it wrong, had 9 months sobriety, but was miserable!!

Anyway, I am SOOOOOOO GLAD I found this place, because there is hope and possible moderation, I have found, and I am sticking with it!!

love and hugs to you :l
Mary Anne

[C]

Why is it that......?

Yes, Denny. Tell us how you did it please.

[helen mary]

Why is it that......?

Nina
I am with on the shipwrecked thing with no access to alcohol. I envy the celebrities with money as they can drop everything and go into rehab for a month or so which seems to work for committed people. I still have to get up, get the kids to school, come home to start again with the cleaning, dinner, washing etc. I used to love a drink to get through these chores until I became addicted. I too drank to relax, now I don't drink to relax if that makes sense. Drink caused me so many problems, all of my recent arguments, frustrations, weight gain, mistakes at work - HAVE ALL BEEN CAUSED BY DRINKING!

I am on my way to a happier lifestyle. 3 days now and counting, so committed this time.

sorry for rambling
Helen

[pussycat]

Why is it that......?

Mary Anne,

Congrats on 2 days AF..Lots of people lose weight when they quit drinking, I'm told. And those ugly under eye bags that drinkers get (like me) should go away, too. So, imagine if you addded a period of some kind of exercise (even a brisk walk) to your AF days?! I'm thinking a person could really see some differences in their appearance, which could add some positive reinforcment to saty AF. I started power walking in July and I have seen some nice changes but the tummy tire won't leave ,I expect, until the booze goes.
keep up your good work!
Pussycat

[cpn1004]

Why is it that......?

why I drink

Nina said:
-Drinking releases stress
-Drinking makes me feel young again
-Drinking makes me forget how much weight I have put on
-Drinking makes me forget that I yelled at my kids

For me, I drink
- when I'm bored
- to celebrate that I have had 3 AFD's
- because I drank yesterday so what the hell, I will start abstinence next week.
- I had a tough day, so I deserve a beer (which means 6 to 10).
And the list goes on.
I am attempting to focus on the triggers to drink and deal with them without reaching for the beer.
Thanks for y'all at this site.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[helen mary]

Why is it that......?

I know my triggers they are called "Life". However, if I eat as soon as I get in from work, by actually having a proper dinner (albeit quick, pasta usually) the cravings disappear and I am OK for the evening. Thats how I have got to day 3 so far.

[Nina328]

Why is it that......?

Thank you!

Hi All!

Thanks for the replies. Yes as Allie said I did do Antabuse for a while and had 38 AF days straight, but like so many warned, it is so easy to stop taking them.

I was really doing well and decided to take a break from MWO for a while. The program really helped me and I was down to only drinking one day a week and not overdoing it most times. However about 2 weeks after I started my break, my mom came to stay with me and she has Alzheimer's dementia and it seems to get worse every day.

I have started on prozac and decided to come back to MWO. I have started drinking again and know that it is only a matter of time before it spirals out of control.

I don't know if I will take the topa again. I had some side effects that were not pleasant. I just got campral from my doc today and she said she would add naltrexone next if needed. She upped my prozac and I am going to start the supps and cds again.

Take care all,
Nina