family drinking issues

[looking for peace]

I was just hoping for some advice. I have 2 sisters that I was really close to up until maybe 5 years ago, we all live in different cities across America and we get together when we can. My sisters aren't "phone" or e-mail people, so I don't talk to them too much. And when I do, I always initiate the calls. We don't really "talk" anymore either, it's just exchanging pleasantries.

I live in a new city with no family and feel really sad about this. At one point I thought it was something I did, but now I just think it's just the way it is. (also maybe they don't like my husband because he doesn't mince words....says it like it is)

Anyway, it makes me really sad and lonely at times (= want a drink to take the sadness away), lately I just wallow in the sadness and don't know how to get out of it. It's hard to deal with these feeling, people say they pass, but they don't seem to soon enough. How do others deal with stuff like this?

Another component with my older sister is drinking. There's always alot of evening drinking at her house. When we visit it seems like drinking and watching movies at night is all we do. I was visiting over Easter and the same situation repeated itself (myself included)... I felt so guilty afterwards. I feel like she wouldn't want to hang out with me at all if I didn't drink with her. I asked her who were some of her friends and who she and her husband hung out with and she told me that she wouldn't go out to dinner with anyone that didn't drink because it's just not fun, so they mostly just go out together.

Makes me sad. Makes me realize as soon as ANY uncomfortable feeling comes up, I immediately try to erase it. However, since not disapearing into the bottle after Easter, these issues (and others) have surfaced, I've never really felt them and dealt with them. I don't see a solution..... I know it's not in AL, but I don't know the answer either.

[GoodAsGold]

family drinking issues

Looking
So well done on taking AL out of the equation! I'm sure now you're in the best position to deal with your situation & work your way towards some solid solutions. I know you'll get some great advice & support here. Just wanted to congratulate you & wish you well.
Keep us posted on your progress!
G x

[LVT25]

family drinking issues

Hi Looking.

In my experience a lot of the drinking situations were simply just habit. This is what I've done for the last 20+ years, so I just keep doing it. When we decide we want something better, we need to break those habits. It's hard, especially when you're a guest, but maybe instead of sitting around drinking, you could announce you are going for a walk, or a bike ride. Invite your sis. You just have to do your own thing. I don't think people care as much as I thought they did.
As far as your loneliness, maybe you need some "projects". Volunteering and getting involved make me feel like I have some purpose.
Anyway, getting sober isn't easy, and I think it's pretty hard to stay that way if we don't change up a few things!
Hang in there!

[zincityzen]

family drinking issues

Hi Looking,
This post really spoke to me - I also have two sisters, oldest one a problem drinker, and it is VERY challenging to abstain when visiting. One thing I did last time I visited was volunteer to be the DD when we went out for dinner and to our other sisters' house. But I agree, it's difficult to pop anyone, including ourselves, out of old habits. I really understand the shame of feeling weak and going along and drinking too much. Glad your husband says it like it is. My husband's mere presence seems to improve my sister's behavior, as does my abbing or moderating when I visit. But it's hard, looking.

Good luck
Z

[Chillgirl]

family drinking issues

Hi - I also have two sisters and when we all get together we always drink to excess.
One in particular I would consider to have a drink problem but she isnt the type of person you would ever dare say that too! I live in a different country from them so only see them about 3 times a year and I havent seen them since I quit drinking in Jan. I worried in the beginning how I would handle get-togethers but quite honestly now I couldnt give a stuff what they think or say. My sobriety is the best thing that ever happened to me....

Your avatar is "Looking for Peace" and you will find this within yourself on this AF journey. The emotions you are going through at the moment are very typical of all the stuff that comes out when we stop drinking, suddenly feelings come to the surface that we have buried deep inside the bottle and before when we didnt like a thought we drank to supress it...
I know this is not an easy time but I can honestly tell you that the answers to all these issues become clearer to us as we progress and the clarity of mind you will have will make dealing with these feelings so much easier. So hang in there Looking its SO worth it! :l