Not a product of abuse or anything else.

[Cinders]

I just want to put myself out there as a drunk who is not a product of a horrible childhood, a product of abuse, or anything else.

I just grew up and became a drunk.

I almost feel guilty because I did not suffer horrible childhood traumas.

I was loved, I am loved, and I hope I will still be loved.

My parents love me (still in their 90s), my brothers love me, my family loves me.

Yet, I am still a drunk.

I cannot "blame" this on one other outside circumstance.

I am just a drunk.

I hate myself because of this. Others have so many reasons to be here and I agree. I read their stories, I read about what they have gone through and I agree, I would be a drunk, too.

I don't have that cushion to fall back on. It is me. Purely me.

Sigh.

Any others out there or just me?

Love,
Cindi

[rubywillow]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Cin, I had some childhood issues, but nothing horrible. So you have no one to blame? Shite happens. Everyone who has cancer, heart disease, does not necessarily pass on that disease. I know you need hope, support, care for your problem, but I will tell you this: If your parent's are that age (and you've never experienced immediate loss of others) you will HATE yourself later if you don't do everything you can do to ease you'r parents fears, anxiety. I know, very well, this is about us, but I don't want you to lose something that can NEVER be regained.
Realistically, this takes time. Working one day at a time, maybe one hour or minute. But I DO not want you to lose your chance to give your parents peace. I SO wish I'd done a better job.

[fennel]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Me! I've always been perplexed when people talk about needing to find out the reasons why they drink. These reasons always seem to involve abusive childhoods, deep secrets, horrific wounds that need to be anesthetized with alcohol. Not the case with me. I was a very shy child, and alcohol really helped me to open up...the rest is history. No nightmarish childhood or deep, dark secrets. A real disappointment to any rehab counselor. I don't hate myself for it, though...it's definitely part of that old genetic code, I'm sure.

[Cinders]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Rubes,

Understand. I have stood by my parents through many struggles. They have stood by me.

I am not talking about the ongoing battle with alcoholism. I am there for my folks any day of the week.

I am just saying that today, I am here. I am a drunk and my parents had nothing to do with it.

I can't blame them.

I wouldn't want to blame them. They are both incredibly beautiful people.

It is on me.

That is all I am trying to say.

It almost hurts worse when it is on our own shoulders. Many here know what I am talking about.

I had an idyllic childhood. I had an idyliic teen life. I love my daddy and my mother beyond all "reason."

I love them and they love me.

Yet, I am a drunk.

I cannot dismiss it as a result of my childhood.

I was hoping others that are in my place could respond.

Love,
Cindi

[Cinders]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

I think what I am trying to say is that I have no excuse.

I am what I am.

I am fighting it every day, Rubes, and I am grateful you are here to help me.

I hope you know that.

Love,
Cindi

[Cinders]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

fennel;841878 wrote: Me! I've always been perplexed when people talk about needing to find out the reasons why they drink. These reasons always seem to involve abusive childhoods, deep secrets, horrific wounds that need to be anesthetized with alcohol. Not the case with me. I was a very shy child, and alcohol really helped me to open up...the rest is history. No nightmarish childhood or deep, dark secrets. A real disappointment to any rehab counselor. I don't hate myself for it, though...it's definitely part of that old genetic code, I'm sure.

Fennel,

That is what I was trying to express.

Some of us have no excuse. It is jsut us.

Oh well. It doesn't matter, does it?

At the end of the day, we must abstain and not search for the reason why. It doesn't matter.

The reason why is that we must not drink.

It doesn't matter where it came from or why. Us alcholics cannot drink. Period.

Thank you for responding, Fennel.

Love,
Cindi

[K9Lover]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Hi Cinders!

I am like you.

Great childhood, loving parents.

Sister is my best friend.

We all live within 5 miles of each other and see each other every day.

No abuse, mentally, phsyically or any other way.

My parents have a loving marriage, even after 45 years.

I am surrounded by my loving family, including six nephews.

No outside pressure, to drink, or not to drink.

I am just a drunk.

No excuse.


K9

[mama bear]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

You are NOT a drunk...you are a person with a disease...alcoholism.......like millions of other people in the world
You have the balls and the strength to admit it and fight it......
we could give up and wallow in self pity
or we can put our big girl panties on and fight
and since you are doing that Cindy
YOU ARE ONE OF MY HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[momof3]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Cinders,

I was not a product of abuse either. I had a fairly good childhood. My dad was an alcoholic and he was a good man. He was a "functional" alcoholic who never missed work but started drinking as soon as he got home until he fell asleep at the kitchen table. He quit drinking 20 years before he died. I loved him so much and still miss him.

I inherited the disease and so did my brother. He is not an alcoholic but he abuses prescription medication to this day and recently was evicted from his apartment.

I know other who are alcoholics but their parents were not, however, there were other things that ran in their families such as anxiety, depression, etc. I think it is all related.

M3

[Eve11]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Many Asians have a genetic variation of the enzyme (dehydrogenase) used to process alcohol that causes them to metabolize alcohol too quickly into acetaldehyde -- which causes an allergic reaction of redness and flushing as it builds up in the body.

Have you every wondered why so many Native American Indians are alcoholic? Is it an enzyme that predisposes them or lack of one?

Cinders, somethings goes on in your metabolic makeup where alcohol is poison to you. Does that make you a bad person? No! That just makes you how you were designed. Not weak, not bad - just a loving, lovable person who can't process alcohol like those normal drinkers can. So, don't beat yourself up because you didn't have the dysfunctional family or background that many alcoholics have as their reason for drinking.

You can still be a loving, wonderful daughter, wife, sister, friend and just simply be a person with a problem metabolizing alcohol differently than a person without a problem.

:l
Eve11

[sunshine_gg]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Exactly like you, Cindi.

I've also often wondered how the hell I can 'justify' my drinking. Yes,my dad was/is an alcoholic but there are no horror stories to tell. My dad quit over 20 years ago with the help of AA. And here, I am.

I remember asking him actually WHY he was/started drinking - he said, "There is no reason. Even if there was, it would not matter." I tend to agree.

:l Cinders... you know, we can BLAME what/whoever we want... but that would be neither constructive nor healing. We're here. And we're trying to learn, understand, and change.

[rubywillow]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

We don't have the time to waste asking 'why'. We must save our lives saying 'how'. Maybe, one day, we can go back at look and those issues that started this, and address them. But for now, we have to save our family, our sanity, our lives. Maybe one day, when you're securely sober, you can go back and figure it out, but for now, save yourself. That is the biggest gift you can give your loved ones.

[Marshy]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

No particular reason for me either.

I got addicted to an addictive drug, like many other people do. But I don't feel guilty about that or hate myself.

I don't care "why". What I care about is that I'm controlling that addiction by not taking the drug.

[Anotherday]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Marshy;841962 wrote: No particular reason for me either.

I got addicted to an addictive drug, like many other people do. But I don't feel guilty about that or hate myself.

I don't care "why". What I care about is that I'm controlling that addiction by not taking the drug.

This ^^ without the need for any labels.

[caysea]

Not a product of abuse or anything else.

Hi All
I have embraced Eve idea about how we process al. This has helped me to realize why some can drink and others can't. This acceptance helps me keep the idea of drinking again out of my mind. My body can't handle al. It doesn't process it properly and goes out of control. So no drinking or even considering it.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08