Support System at home, or Lack Of

[Litre]

Hi, I am fairly new here, and I am heading into 6weeks of AF. I am very proud of my feat. My problem is here at home. I am told "You are an Alcoholic, you can never drink again, and so forth." You should go see a counsellor, I will go with you, and I know he will not, after all he has to work. He has never tried to understand where I come from, or how I feel every time he says these things to me. It is easy to say ignore it, but each time he tells me these things I want to go get that bottle of wine.
Lately I have been having hallucinations, at night. I know I am not dreaming, I have turned the light on to see who or what it was. I believe I am going into a depression. He tells me I have destroyed my brain by drinking too much. I have really only drank alot in the past year, however I have been drinking a glass of wine and sometimes 2-3 glasses every day for about 5 years, and then maybe 10 years before that a bottle of wine could last a week.
I am lucky to some close friends to talk to and of course my family, but rehashing the same topic I know is tiring for them. I guess I would like to know if anyone else has a support system like this at home. My description of my support system here is like an 80 year woman wearing a training bra. the idea is there but good is it.

[mama bear]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Papa Bear and I have had some pretty fierce fights over my drinking......but he sees how hard I am trying and bottom line is....he loves me.
Have you told your husband how much his negative attitude and comments hurt rather than help???
Is he perfect??? Tell him you NEED him to beat this and see what he says....
schedule a counselling appointment and tell him to be there........then see what he does.....he might just surprise you. It's very tiresome living with a drunk and he may have some depression issues of his own. Have you talked to your doctor about your moods??? They are very supportive and helpful in my opinion...

[SKendall]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Hi Litre, it takes a lot of time of not drinking to regain thre trust of our loved ones. They have heard many excuses and even lies over the years. I applaud you on your visiting this site, we have a lot of Canadians, as well as treasured membes all over the globe who will identify with you completely.

Please join us and read the tool box under the monthly abstinence thread.

Good luck, my friend.:welcome:

[mario]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

hi litre,would your husband/partner be interested in going here.....The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness, and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.
Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership. Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions.


Who Can Join Al-Anon?
Al-Anon membership is open to anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.

What Does Al-Anon Do?
Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. Al-Anon members do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.

How Do I Find a Meeting?
In some areas "Al-Anon" is listed in the white pages of the local phone book. If it is not listed sometimes a contact number for Al-Anon can be obtained by calling the number listed for "Alcoholics Anonymous." A directory of Al-Anon information services/intergroups and national offices in the United States, Canada and worldwide are available on the Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters web site. Online meetings are also available,

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Thankyou for your response, and my spouse and I have been together for 4 years, so there has not been alot of years of drinking between us. He has been married 3 times and can and will walk instead of work with or for us. I have an appointment on sat with a dr. so we will see. Yes I have asked him and told him how he hurts me by his comments, but unfortunately I got involved with someone who lives in and only in his world. He controls conversations, and has tried to control the wine I drank. Maybe that is why I got worse, no excuse but a reason. It does not take many as we well know. I can pat myself on my back since I came back from detox that I have not had anything to drink. This too will pass. I hope.:heart:

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Thankyou Mario, we did discuss it, but the comments I get from him is I do not know if I can get over this. I told him if he goes into a meeting with that attitude, he will feel he does not belong and he will not stay, or get any benefit from it. I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[mama bear]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

wow...he sounds kind of unflexible

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

yes mama bear, he is, outside of me, he has a heart of gold and is willing to help anyone, but I am a not what he thought I was and neither is he. We knew each 25 years ago and almost dated then, and when his last marriage fell apart he looked me up. I really did not know how long he was separated, but when I asked he was still in the house. I told him to get his affairs together and then we will talk. Two months later I got a call, and the rest is history. If he was forgiving or even giving at all my way, I could overlook all the control aspects of this relationship. But right now, my focus is on me, and I need to be only concerned with me. Thanks for the ear.

[mama bear]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

You are absolutely right Litre.....but I can only imagine how tough he is making it for you.....Join us in the Newbies Nest...we are a bunch of goofballs that love each other and try to help and support each other....there are abuse issues, divorce issues, custody issues and of course ALCOHOL issues....
we will be there for you......we have come upn with HORRIBLE names for ex's and try to make each other laugh, but also really try to come up with solutions for some tough problems....

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

thankyou I will try to find my way mama bear, I have come across it but am not sure how to jump in, but I will do that and get both feet wet.

[JACQRABBIT]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Good Morning Litre,

I found that by allowing my husband to read some of my posts helped.
It allowed him to understand a little more fully the magnitude of firstly the depth of my problem and possibly more importantly the pure desire in me to change.

He saw the raw honesty and openness and the fact that I was able to admit and lay on the table my darkest fears.

As for the 'Newbies Nest' there is no need to be unsure on that front,
I am usually at work when I pop in there, sometimes I can join for a chat and other times It's just a quick good morning, but mama is spot on in saying It's a great place, very very uplifting and jam packed full of support.

Jacq xxx

[Doggygirl]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Litre;844455 wrote: yes mama bear, he is, outside of me, he has a heart of gold and is willing to help anyone, but I am a not what he thought I was and neither is he. We knew each 25 years ago and almost dated then, and when his last marriage fell apart he looked me up. I really did not know how long he was separated, but when I asked he was still in the house. I told him to get his affairs together and then we will talk. Two months later I got a call, and the rest is history. If he was forgiving or even giving at all my way, I could overlook all the control aspects of this relationship. But right now, my focus is on me, and I need to be only concerned with me. Thanks for the ear.

Litre, that statement is so important. We really aren't much good to our loved ones unless and until we get OURSELVES well. That may sound a bit selfish but for me anyway, unless my own sobriety stays my #1 priority, I'm useless to anyone else anyway. Work on YOU and YOUR healing and peace of mind, and let the rest of the chips fall where they may.

:l

It's much easier with good support at home, but sobriety can be attained without it. Many here have proven that.

DG

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Thankyou all for your support, I have mentioned this site to him, he showed no interest, so yes I am going to work on myself, myself. I am strong willed, and I have not fear that I will not succeed. I still want to try controlled drinking, if I fail then I know it is not for me, but until then, I will keep it in my mind. I wish more than anything to be like most people, but I still fear that first glass. In saying that, I may never take it, but I want the option to be there.

[rubywillow]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Litre, I say this carefully, but sometimes, someone who has an issue with controlling, does not want to be involved in working with others to resolve a problem, only being the dominant authority. It takes 2 people to make a problem, and 2 to resolve it, in a relationship. As hard as it is to face, you must be selfish in your efforts to beat this problem. You can ask for his help, ask for support in changing your life together as you focus primarily on yourself for recovery, but it is up to your partner to contribute to making things work. You CANNOT do it alone, because it becomes like a dog chasing a car, always changing, moving, out of reach. Do YOUR best, ask for support, be willing to work together, (you've already admitted your faults), but don't give up your soul for someone who won't meet you somewhere towards the middle, and work on your marriage. You HAVE to get back some positive signs for your efforts to save your relationship. Of course, it's MUCH more complicated than that, as are all relationships, but you deserve something good back, or why are you doing it? With love, and hope, Rubes

[Litre]

Support System at home, or Lack Of

Thankyou Ruby, I look for the signs, but when I think I see them, they disappear. There is a reason he has been married three times before. I myself did it twice, the reasons for them falling apart was #1 drank too much, then his temper would fly, and #2 thought he wanted a girl friend. After hearing what went wrong with his #3 I more than understand her, even though I knew her in high school and never liked her, I have an insight to the strength she has, and why she was so angry near the end.