AL Detox Time

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech,
Hope you're safely on your way home? I think you said the vaca was for 10 days so maybe you have a few more days to go. Hope all is well.

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Oh Papmom I must have got it wrong. Phew! Was a tad worried. But now I can relax.
Hope you come back soon Meech. We miss you.
Hip

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech-If I have the dates right: WELCOME HOME!! Can't wait to hear all about your trip and all the fun things you did. Post as soon as you can, OK??? :l :l

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Meech is back

I love you guys!

Well I did drink on the memorial golf tournament day. Held off with water while 99% of the tournament drank. Then had some cold beers at the end. HOWEVER I didn't go overboard like many that day. I did have a wonderful time and soooo many people came out to pay tribute to the memory of my brother.

It was steamy hot so we spent many days on the sandy beaches of Lake Ontario (near Picton). Beautiful sand. I was a good energetic Mom for the kids each day (even after the day I drank) and they had a blast.

I really don't have any regrets for the trip.

I DO HAVE REGRETS for drinking last night when I got home for the trip. Had no intention but it was cooking hot, finished a run with my group and came home to find 3 cold beers in the fridge. Although it's never just 3 as I went to the beer store for more. Yuck! So I have a hangover this morning. Kids got a new wii game so they played that most of the morning so I could sleep more. I feel better now so will probably take them to the lake for a swim as it's a sizzler here today.

SO BACK ON THE AF WAGON... I have an appointment with my Doctor next week about my back. I am thinking about finally coming clean with her and telling her I might need topomax. I'm scared and embarassed. I know there is Doctor confidentiality but still feel like I might chicken out as I'm suppose to be this "fit athlete and sports coach". I feel like such a hypocrite.

I got a copy of the coroner's report of my brother. He led a pretty healthy life but he did binge drink. Not so much in the last 5 years but he did like his beer and wine with hockey night, men's golf night etc.... He didn't drink during the week but I'm sure he tossed back a few on Friday and Saturday nights. They found besides the heart attack issues (severe clogged arteries close to the left ventricle) an enlarged liver and enlarged kidneys. This really opened my eyes. You would think right then and there I would stop but yet I drank last night. Idiot. So that is what has prompted me to consider discussing anti-craving medication to my doctor to really stop this.

I am doing better than I have done in years but I'm still not completely winning this battle. So I am thinking a little more help with the Topomax might be the key. Any thoughts? I don't want to take antabuse. Does topomax make you fatigued? Not sure what to do.

Well I am back and have a lot of catching up to do. :l

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hippy - Sorry about your slip. You sound pretty strong and determined now!

Papmom - 60 Days! you are amazing. How are things? I'll go check out your thread now and get caught up.

Meechie

[JackieClaire]

AL Detox Time

:welcome: back, Meech.
I am truly sorry about your brother, it must have been an awful shock.
I know nothing about the meds,sweetheart, but it's a year ago yesterday that I finally listened to my doctor. My GP's have known for years I had a problem with AL and we've tried allsorts over the years.
I'm so glad your back, we were getting worried about you.
J x
:l

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

:welcome: Back Meech!! We've missed you!! I'm so glad your trip went well and that you had a ton of fun.
I think there are some situations that in our early attempts at sobriety are just too overwhelming and we slip. I can't even begin to imagine all the emotions that must have been churning inside you all week and at the golf tournament. I think the important thing to do is figure out why you needed the beer, then and last nite. I'm glad you didn't go overboard last week but why last nite? It reminds me of the time I went to Cancun as a chaperone for a college spring break trip. Hardly drank at all the whole week UNTIL the day we were supposed to leave. We had packed up and checked out of our rooms and then found out our flight was delayed for many hours. We all hung out by the pool and there was nothing else to do but drink!! And drink I did!! Those were in the days that I only drank beer.
I was so drunk getting on the plane and so hungover by the time we got back I could hardly drive the 15 min home. All I did was sleep the whole next day I was so sick. It was the same old story-once I had one or two beers, I couldn't stop (and I think they were free because of the delay).

Anyway-I see a consistent thread with your posts-you CRAVE the actual taste of the beer and you can't see why you can't get past that. So yes, I think in this case you should try the Topa or Baclofen. You absolutely HAVE to be upfront with your doc, especially in light of your brother's autopsy report. Beleive me, you will not be disappointing him/her. They have seen it all and he/she will be very happy to help you as best they can. Bring the articles about the topa and bac with you incase he/she isn't up to date on this stuff. Don't worry about being a hypocrit-you already are (and I say that with the utmost love and respect!!)!! And so was I!! We all are because we are ALL living a lie when we're drinking.
Just because you are a fitness/sport coach doesn't mean you can't have a chemical imbalance that causes you not to be able to process AL like "normal" people. What if you had diabetes or epilepsy? Would you still feel like a hypocrit in that sense???

You have a lot going on right now so you need to take a few days to be good to yourself and reflect. But make the appointment asap cuz it's bound to take some time to get in.

So glad you're back!! Looking forward to chatting with you daily again!!

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

I guess when I think of "why" I needed the drink I don't have a good answer. Maybe lots of reasons.

Boredom comes to mind
Escape
Habit...the end of the day unwind with a beer?
Not eating which brings on the cravings

I was doing so well and so focussed. I listened to the CD's yesterday. Will listen again today.

Papmom you have really pulled through some hard cravings and tough times lately and you are keeping dedicated to a sober life. I am truly inspired.

I see the Doc. this Tuesday. Putting down some question and how I can bring the subject of my drinking up in a notebook. Even the thought of going to the pharmacy for the prescription is going to be tough as I know both pharamists well.

BIG PICTURE - Who the hell cares right? What difference does it make if my health goes down the toilet. I need to face the Doctor, face the pharmacy, face the friggin truth.

I am really thinking topomax may be the med I ask for. Don't want antabuse - soundss too scarey. And bac. seems to work for some and not others. Just reading MWO the topomax seemed to be a key in the recovery process.

Hippy - Thanks for thinking, worrying and always wishing the best for me. Right back at you sweetie! Sorry the dinner with the Dad and hubby was so awful. Hope he smoothed things out the next day with you. Nothing like being sober around obnoxious drinkers!

Well have a good day everyone. Will check in later!

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Saturday

Woke up and did a great trail run. Hopped on the bike for a quick ride to see how the back would fair.
Took kids to the lake to cool off.

Before supper I came downstairs and opened the fridge to see one lonely bottle of Budweiser (oh I mean rat urine) thought about drinking it then thought - Nope no more of that. And mixed myself my summertime favorite AF drink.

Going to read a little and lay my sober head on the pillow tonight. Yes that sounds just about perfect!

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Oh yes and if my husband doesn't drink that beer, I'm dumping that rat piss down the drain!

[prancy]

AL Detox Time

Good job, Meech, and dump away.

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Meech, so glad you are back. I missed you.

Two things spring to mind while reading your posts.

1. Dont buy the beer in the first place so it is not there when you are craving. If you husband is the one buying it, ask him if he will hide it from you, put it in a less obvious spot, change to drining something else that you dont like or not buy it for a while until you get yourself back on track. If it is not in the fridge and you have to physically go down to the bottle shop to buy it, it might make you think twice and work thru the craving instead of instantly gratifying it by drinking.

2. If you were a smoker and wanted to give up, would you feel embarrassed to go to the doctor and admit that you were trying to give up? And do you think that doctor would think you are doing the right thing or ridicule you? Alcohol is an adddictive drug just like cigarettes and they both make you sick. So why do you feel embarrassed and shameful that you admit you are addicted (totally out of your hands) and that you are trying to give up something that is potentially killling you?

I hope you dont think I am being nasty - I am just trying to simplify things. I find sometimes I need to see things as they are to understand what is really going on. I know how much you really want to quit for good - to honour your brothers life (that's what you told us.) And I really want to help you as I believe you are a good person and deserve it.

Good luck with the doctors on Tuesday (must be the week for it as my appointment is on Wednesday).

Take care and most of all - dont give up!

Hip

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.

Hope you are doing OK today. No more tough love from me, just a hello before I grab my book and start reading.

Take care and catchya tomorrow.

Hip

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hi Hippy,

Thanks for your smart and caring words. Yes if the beer is in the fridge how easy is that? It was leftover. Haven't bought any since the slip. but as the days roll on it will be more tempting. As for the one that was in there, it found the bottom of the sink - poured that sucker out last night.

It is true what you said about the Doc. I don't know why I am so friggin hung up on it. Really buying into the typical stereoptype of an alcoholic I guess. I think the worst is my worrying about it. Once I am there and talk to her, confront the issue I will be relieved.
Hope your appointment goes well.

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

hey Meech,
I agree with HC. Once I finally said the words to her and she started asking me questions, it was no different than if we were discussing my high blood pressure. No judgements at all. She just felt bad she hadn't picked up on it sooner.
Good luck tomorrow. I know you will be fine but i"ll be anxious to here all about it just the same.
HC-good luck on Wednesday with your appointment-we'll be sleeping while you're at the doc's so we'll be anxious to read all about it when we get up Wed morning.