AL Detox Time

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.

Sorry I havent been around lately. Been struggling myself and as I want to be able to support you, not bring you down even further, I have stayed away. Typical me.... isolating instead of asking for help!
Sorry to hear you havent been doing too well either. I think Pap may be onto something when suggesting moderating. Might be worth exploring abit more. If you did allow yourself to moderate, when you have a drink you wont feel guilty or beat yourself up. And taking away the guilt and bad feelings may be what you need. Making a commitment to control how much you drink and when might be easier for you.

I think whatever you decide, the main thing is to still come here and talk with us. I certainly appreciate all the support I get from you and am glad you do come back to us. It wouldnt matter to me if you were moderating or not if that is what you wanted.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hipster

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Meech-how ya doing?????

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hi All,

Hi Hippy - I was wondering how you are doing. I hope you can get through this rough time. And you will NEVER bring me down. I am always here for you (even if I don't post too much) and look forward to hearing from you good, bad, sad, cheerful however you are feeling. But I understand when you are feeling down how it's harder to post and stuff.

Sorry I haven't been posting or even going on MWO this week much. Been painting the boys room, working lots and trying to squeeze in a little training. Have left little time for the computer.

Feeling much better in the spirits. It was a rough week. I was really going through the grieving process regarding my twin this week while I painted. I think it was good, healing but a lot of tears shed. It's been almost half a year since he passed and it still feels too shocking to believe it even happened. :no:

Just about done painting the boys room, then get all the furniture assembled etc....... Worked late last night so a little tuckered this morning. But not hungover just sleep deprived!

Well I am going to work on the mod. plan I posted earlier this week when I do decide to drink and see if it will help. I know that having an empty stomach and not eating really can send me into bingeville in a hurry. So not having a drink until just before eating. The EAT. Plus have the inbetweenies (non-AL drink or water in between every drink), wait out the next drink for 15 minutes, picture in my mind how delicious that non-AL drink is.... I think will help too. Perhaps starting with Af drink then have a drink - not put SO MUCH pressure on myself that if I have one drink then I might as well have 6. That's sort of setting myself up for a binge before I even begin.

Earlier this week I tried the Naltrexone waited an hour and had a beer. But honestly the Nal I believe did absolutely nothing. I had 2 beers and wanted many more and then thought I'll do the water in between and wait a bit. I think that helped me not go overboard. I have tried the Nal 4 times now and it worked once. So in the end I had 4 1/2 beers (would like to slow that down to 2) but drank more water then beer in the end so was very hydrated.

I wasn't hungover the next day but I was exhausted which I am sure is from the Nal. the pharamcist said it can make you really sleepy. So I actually felt worse taking the Nal then if I would have just stuck with a plan. So back to old school for dealing with this.

So I am not going to do the Nal anymore- what's the point if it leaves me completely drousy the next day. I am going to stock up on some peach fizzy drink and chocolate milk and try to stick to some yummy AF drinks tonight. My hubby and I have the entire day off tomorrow and I would like to get in some good training first thing in the morning and have a family hike/day...feeling energized.

I will eat supper at supper time (not 4 hours later with a big buzz)
I will wait out the cravings
I will drink the refreshing AF drinks in my fridge
I will rest my sober head on the pillow tonight and wake up with no regrets!

I will go get caught up with Papmom's thread. I'm anxious to see how the dietician appoint went.

Meechie

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech, thanks for visiting my thread!! It sounds like you will eventually get to where you want to be re: AL. It's just going to take some trial and error or it's going to take a huge binge when you promised yourself you wouldn't. It really depends on whether your dependancy is psychological, biochemical or both. I tell ya, there are still daily thoughts when I ask why I can't drink like "normal" people. I still feel a slight bit of deprivation and also that there is something "wrong" with me. I really really hope you will figure out your relationship with AL -the ambiguity of it all can't be fun.
Way to go on painting the boys' room!! Please come out east and help me paint my rooms!! If I had to name a home repair job I despise that would be it!!
Hope you get a good training session in tomorrow.
Don't worry about not posting everyday but if you get into trouble, promise us you'll not disappear but will reach out. You have my cell.
:l

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech. Glad to see you back!

By the sounds of your journey so far, I think moderating could be for you. I know you have the desire to slow down or stop drinking so I dont think you are in danger of letting go and drinking more. You have always said that you like the taste of beer and like nothing better than a few beers after a hard day. So as long as you really set your mind to just having a few, I really think that is the way to go for you.

I am glad you have tried the nal and decided not to take it. As I said at the beginning of your nal trail that I didnt understand using one drug to stop another one, but you gave it a good try. So good on you for deciding not to take it. Keep writing your daily plan, I think seeing it in writing always help.

Talk to you tomorrow.

HC

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

It's going to be a good day

Hi All,

Just popping in quick. going to head out for a bike ride then maybe a short hike with the hubby and kids.

going to a Potluck tonight with a group of great friends - who don't drink so it's so easy when I'm with these people. Should be fun!

Thanks for the posts Hippy and Papmom. I guess however I handle this journey it's got to be healthier then how I have dealt with things the last 20 years. :h

[NoraC]

AL Detox Time

Meech - I just found your thread. My goodness. All this time and I never found this. I hope you had a wonderful Potluck. :l

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.

Yes moderating is definetly better than abusing. Hope you enjoyed your potluck whatever that is.

Hi Nora. Welcome to Meechies thread. Cant believe you have only just found it. Hope you are doing OK.

BBL as my preteen says....

Hip

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hi Nora, Hippy and Papmom, JC and all

Yes I have had quite a journey since I started this thread Nora. Some very good times and some struggles too. I am in a confused state as to what to do but I shall go back to ODAT. And see. Would rather not put any poison in my body but if I do I shall follow the mod. plan I read on another thread (re-pasted into mine last week).

Potluck went great. Then I came home and had a really yummy BIG glass of chocolate milk and read. When I was sitting at home all comfy, sober, with a good book and my choc milk I thought hmmmm it doesn't get too much better than this on a Sunday evening. I could be half snapped but still would not feel this good or I guess what I am trying to say at peace with myself. That's how I felt last night. If I can just remember how relaxing it is not to drink.

When I do fight off the cravings and I know I won't drink it is almost a sense of relief. Phew now I can just get on with the evening and not worry about drinking, the buzz, how many more beers are there, how many can I have and not feel too bad in the morning, I've let myself down, the calories, blah blah blah...... It's actually more exhausting on the mind when I am drinking because I am constantly fighting with the AF side and the AL Beast side oh yeah and that big chunk of my brain that is used for guilt and shame.

When I have decided that I won't drink for the night I actually have less stress. Go figure.
I can't even use the stuff to relax.

Reward and hunger. Those are my big triggers. So last night I ate well at the potluck (got rid of trigger #1) and rewarded myself with chocolate milk (trigger #2).

Well it's a great day today! Missed out on a really good training session with friends this morning as I have my littlest guy here and no sitters to help out. Grrrrrrr. Will have to wait till hubby gets home. So I guess it's housecleaning and play time with the son.

Hope everyone had a wonderful sober weekend.

Meechie:h

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech-I think you're getting closer but you still have a little ways to go. If you can't even have a beer or two without all that stuff going on in your head and enjoy it, then why bother? Even tho sometimes I want to just say F** it and drink till oblivion, I know I won't. The end result just isn't worth it to me and I know without a doubt that I won't stop at one or two. Just not the way my brain works. I could do that out at dinner with friends and family but not alone or at my sis's house. I too feel so much more relaxed at nite when I know I don't have to worry and think about AL related things. At this point, I have way too much going on to even fit in the time it would require to drink the way I do.
Glad you find a nice yummy chocolate reward-it's the best!!
See you tomorrow!!
:l

[NoraC]

AL Detox Time

It's actually more exhausting on the mind when I am drinking because I am constantly fighting with the AF side and the AL Beast side oh yeah and that big chunk of my brain that is used for guilt and shame.

Meech - that is absolutely right!!! That is how I feel. I need to remember that. I went out for ice-cream with the family tonight. That was fun.

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Thanks Papmom and Nora,

Yes Papmom I feel like I am getting closer but still have a long road ahead of me. Just like everyone. As long as I keep fighting. I decided to join Techie's 30 day AF. I had a few days in AF before it started so I thought I'd keep going. It will get me through till the end of my triathlon season clean and sober so maybe my last tri in September will end in a positive and hopefully fast note!

Nora - Let's keep remembering every time craving hour hits.
It is so much more stressful and guilt ridden when fighting not to have that next drink and then you have that next drink then fighting the next, do I have enough booze in the house, worried about how shi&ty you feel in the morning, then in the morning feeling self hatred and shame and anger blah blah blah...... I must say since this last epiphany in my journey to sobriety it's amazing that we keep working so hard, so diligently towards poisoning our bodies, minds, spirits, self esteem. It's common sense but I guess after years of drinking our perceptions are slightly warped and need some simple straightening out.

This week I have felt more at peace with myself and maintaining AF with keeping this thought in place. Once I have told myself that tonight AL is absolutely not going to happen and my brain accepts it, then I feel peace and complete happiness. Hmmmm. Just must remember how good that feels.

Have a good hump day all!

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Friday here. All is good. Gone for the next 3 days and then family in for the rest of week. so may not get a post in until after Aug28th. Hope all is well and sober for everyone till I get back.

Me too for that matter!

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Meech is back

Hi All,

Hope everyone was well and sober while I was gone. Had a great time biking, hiking some amazing places (7,000ft elevation climbs), trail runs. I think I need a week to recover.

But that's not happening just yet. I have my final triathlon of the season in a couple of weeks, a trail race and half marathon by the first week of October. So must keep eating right and keeping poison out of my body.

Speaking of poison I managed to stay away from except for one night.

Most days were pretty easy to avoid the AL Beast as we had so many full active days I couldn't dare think of doing it hungover. But I did cave one night.

Well comany/family is gone. I miss them a lot. Even the kids feel a little lost without their cousins and all the crazy fun chaos that goes with that.

One more week before they go back to school. Some parents can't wait but I personally would like another month of summer holidays with them first. They are going to that next grade and growing up. sniff sniff.

So concentrating this week on getting lots of healthy food into me and keeping alcohol out of me.

Look forward to hearing from you all soon. Now to catch up on more threads. :wavin:

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.
Been wondering where you were! Glad you are back and with such good news of only one night of drinking. Well done.
Gotta rush off to work but just wanted to say hi before I go.
Will catch up when I get home.
Hip