AL Detox Time

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech,
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You have been training really hard for the triathalon and I'm wondering if what you're really feeling is a mental and physical letdown the day after. You feel weak because physically you are spent?
I can absolutely positively guarantee you that giving in for that one drunk nite is NOT going to be worth how you feel the next morning. It's going to hit you like a ton of bricks because you've been free of the POISON for so long. Your hubby will not be happy and he will just pity you. Your kids won't understand. and you, you will feel like crap the next morning, physically and mentally and probably have to spend the whole day in bed. Is that worth the one hour buzz you'll get and then you'll head into oblivion because you won't be able to stop at 2? I was there just over a month ago and I will tell you it is not worth it and I never want to be there again.
What is getting drunk for one nite going to do for you? What are you running from? Do you want to take the chance that it won't just be one nite? You must carve out time this week for the CDs. They are a tool that really work for you.

Ride that Tsunami my friend-it will become a ripple!!
:h

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech. Saved some time to read your journal and post but my daughter is pestering me to play Scrabble and I cant keep telling her "in five minutes".
So I will catch up on your posts tomorrow. Thinking of you.
Take care.
Hipster

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Feeling better today

Hi Papmom,

It's interesting that you said "What are you running from?"

I don't know. I think there's something deep down and I just can't figure it out. I am learning so much about myself, my addiction and my strength through this journey. But I haven't figured out this. There's something going on. Deep down desire to keep drinking.

Or maybe it's not that complicated. It's just a habit, addiction - plain and simple.

It's strange. Like a part of me wants to sabotage this success and the success my life can be. Stupid alcohol. Why would I risk ruining such a good thing? Why do I feel sometimes that I don't care?

Today I do care much more than yesterday. I feel my strength today. Scared I won't have it tomorrow or weekend or sometime soon.:huh:

I guess that's life right?

Just thinking out loud here. Not sure if I'm making much sense.

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Tonight was a close one

Well i just ate and waited out the cravings. I really came close to jumping in the van and picking up a 6 pack.

Great big salad and yogurt for supper. Cravings have subsided.

Having a big set back this week. Feel like I'm in the first few weeks of AF. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better as the last few days have all been tough. Seem to be losing motivation or focus or caring?

Made it through another day. I was really on the verge. Phew. Sober head on pillow tonight, no regrets tomorrow.

I have appointments in the morning and my running group tomorrow night. I did not want to feel like crap. Boy would I EVER have had regrets tomorrow if I caved.

thanks for the message JC - that really really helped me tonight. :h:l

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech,
Glad you were able to ride the wave tonite and not cave. I know you have a 6 week goal for yourself-then what? Have you decided whether you want to try to moderate of live AF altogether? I know I can't moderate. For me, AF is now a way of life. There's no real motivation towards a specific goal-it's just how it has to be for me. I still think about it alot. I still would love to be able to numb out whenever I want to but I'm not willing to suffer the consequences which I can relive in my mind as if it were yesterday. If I had a nice bathtub or a hot tub I think that would be my new numbing out strategy as I have some primal connection to water-always have. Swum like a fish since I was practically born. Should have been a mermaid LOL!! I don't have those things so I'm using the exercise to get through the boredom and lonliness. It's working so far.
Whatever you decide, I've got your back. Just make sure it's what you really want for your life.
I hope you were able to squirrel away that hour for the CDs and that they helped you like they used to.
I'll check in tomorrow from work. :l

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Morning everyone.
Hi Meech. What you said yesterday struck a chord with me as I have been wondering lately why I (used to) drink. I didnt have a bad childhood. I wasnt beaten or abused. We were never exposed to lots of drinkers. My dad drinks alot now, but didnt when I was a child. My nan was constantly drunk but I didnt see her that often. We were comfortable regarding money.
I think it started in my teens. I didnt have alot of confidence as a child and as an early teen I was severely bullied. For the whole four years I was at high school I was tormented daily by this particular group of girls who made my life hell. No-one would help me, no teachers, principals, my mum.... they all just told me to "turn the other cheek". When I discovered alcohol at 14 or 15, it took that pain away. Gave me confidence to stand up for myself. It was my constant and life long companion that I could rely on. I could go anywhere in the world and guarantee it would follow. I didnt need anyone or anything else, except alcohol. I think that is why I am having a hard time adjusting to life without it. Because it was such a huge part of who I was. And now it is gone, I am floundering, trying to find out who I am without it.
This is such a hard journey for us all. We are all dealing with the fall out from our lives descimated by alcohol. But we are doing it together and as long as we stay together we will get thru it, slowly.
Take care.
Hipster

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

6 Weeks is over do I close out this Thread?

Okay, so I finished my 6 week's on Monday. I think I'll keep this thread open. At least until I figure out my next goals. I haven't really set up any new goals. Now I should. Or I will slip. I'm pretty sure of that.

As far as these cravings lately....
I wonder if I am thinking deep down that 6 weeks is done now it's time to celebrate and reward with AL. Which is kind of ridiculous because I worked so hard to rid it from my life.
Perhaps that's why these enormous cravings have been hitting me lately?? Done the 6 weeks, completed the triathlon. Now I'm in limbo?

Papmom - Well the thought of never drinking again still feels uncomfortable. Not too scarey like it did before. Moderation? Not a chance that's just a big tease for this girl. All or nothing. If I stop at 1 or 2 drinks it's even worse. It's like giving a starving person one spoonful of food and then setting the plate-full beside them to look at! :teeter: I can't moderate. Don't think it's a possibility. Drinking a 6 pack of beer now and again sounds good - HOWEVER, isn't that how I got into this mess? Sure it's once a month, then twice a month then back to every other day like before.

I did listen to the "Clearing CD" last night. Will try to squeeze in the hypnotic tonight. As far as the subliminal CD - I'm terrible at doing that one. I'm never in one room for more than 10 minutes. Maybe I should get a portable cd player. Since the IPOD invention it seems pre-historic. But might get me to listen to CD's more as it is far more convenient as the only CD player is stationed in one room.

Kids are in need of after school snacks gotta run. Be back to hash out a plan and some new goals.

I did stock my self with about 3 different yummy AF drinks for after my run group tonight.
Meech

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Meech.
You did it! Fantastic. Six whole weeks. Well done. Your struggle has been hard but so worth it.
This addicition is ridiculous and that is why you feel you need to celebrate. I also know what you mean about never drinking again feeling uncomfortable. I feel that every day too. However we have done something everyday for so long, it is going to take a long time to changing that thinking.
Greeneyes wrote a fantastic thread yesterday in the general section that may be worth a look at. it is called " Why I dont have 2 years AF". It really hit me straight in my heart. It was like she read my mind. Maybe it might help you abit too.
Take care my friend. And if it is any help, I love reading your journal everyday (when I can!) and enjoy being "part" of your life.
Hipster

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

hey Meech-Wow!! The past 2 weeks have really flown by haven't they!! I knew the 6 weeks were near but didn't realize they had passed already!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!
You did it!! Yes, now it's time to set new goals for yourself but before you do, read Greeneyes' thread that HC suggested. It was awesome!! It's all or nothing for me too so I know totally how you guys feel about moderation.

I hope you don't close out the journal. I love coming here everyday and following you. Maybe add something to the title to reflect the new journey?

I use the subliminal at night on my clock radio/CD as I read. I love the sound of the ocean waves better than the babbling brook that's on the sleep learning. I fall asleep to it and by default it's also my alarm clock sound. However, I also down loaded it onto my IPod. Do you have one? If so, just copy the CD to Itunes and then sync to your IPod. Then you can listen to it as you go about your daily chores.

Whatever you decide, be true to yourself Meech-that's all that counts!!

:l :l

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Yes I read Greeneye's thread. Fantastic. It's so true and it touches many of us in our own relationship with alcohol. I know I will never be able to moderate.

Will I be okay with slugging back a 6 pack of beer every now and again? Yes that would be fine if it could be every now and again. But we know the danger that lies within that risk don't we? When "every now and again" becomes all the time, which it will in a heartbeat I'm sure.

So I am not sure what goal to do just yet. Perhaps I'll keep this one short, simple, attainable.

I am going on a trip back home with the kids in 10 days. Lots of cold beer in coolers at the poolside. MAJOR worry for me. So.....

Plan for this week:
1. Keep listening to the CD's as much as possible. Just like training for my tirathlon I must TRAIN THE BRAIN - Must get the subconcious very strong and the ability to BLOCK out the cravings to a new level as this trip will be the biggest test yet. and the ability to block will be vital.

2. Next goal is not to drink this week and workout out a plan for not drinking AL during trip.

3. Make a training plan for my next triathlon in 4 1/2 weeks and stick to it.

4. Look into buying the portable CD player for the trip so I can continue to listen to the CD's privately.

As for Today:
1. Housework prepare supper
2. Group Trail Hike (early evening)
3. Reach for food and AF drinks the second I get into the door
3. Listen to CD's at bed time.

It's still raining here and my happy meter went down another notch. I seriously need some sunshine here!!! :sun::sun:

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Morning.
I am glad you both read Greeneye's post as it really touched me deep inside.
Downloading the CD's to an ipod is a great idea. I uploaded one of the CD's to my computer at work but I get so relaxed I almost go to sleep when listening to it. And everyone gives me a weird look when listening to the water sounds (as I am on reception I have to turn it down everytime the phone rings).
I hope you have a good day. Your holiday with your family will be fine. You have resisited AL for this long, I am positive with the strenght you have now that you will say no.
Take care and I will check in tonight. We are off early in the morning but I know there is wireless in the Qantas lounge so will try and catch up there as well.
Hipster

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech,
Wow, what a test you'll be taking!! It will be tough but I know you can stay AF if that's what you want. I guess it's as simple as not picking up that first AL drink. I found that to be true at the 2 family parties I went to earlier. Once I had my AF drink in hand it was easy to continue. Just remember that if you do "slip" (and that's a personal definition), the next day is brand new and all is not lost. Sort of like changing one's eating habits. Just because I had a pint of ice cream over the weekend doesn't mean I should give up. I still lost 2.4 lbs. Anyway, hope you get what I mean.

:l

[mollyka]

AL Detox Time

Love this thread and WELL DONE Meech, 6 weeks is fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!! Something I'm feeling this time round sober is that it's relatively easy to actually stop drinking, but the ongoing part where it's no longer odat but actually dealing with being this sober person for the rest of my life - tricky.
Molly

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Yes Molly, very tricky. But we can do it..... girl power!
Hope you are doing well Meech. Off tomorrow for a week so I will check in when I can.
Take care and stay strong.
Hipster

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Have a great week Hippy Chick. Look forward to you checking in when you can!

Hi Molly - Yes the part I'm struggling with is wondering about being sober the rest of my life. Yikes. I suppose ODAT is still where I should be right now if my cravings are still so constant. I do find that the first craving is really tough still but once I beat that one down the rest are really nothing but dust. Where as before after the first craving was beaten the rest were still pretty tough - easier but pretty tough. So now it's just that first craving - once I block it the night is AF easily.

Papmom - Thanks for having so much confidence in me. I must remember it's as easy as NOT picking up that first drink. Or reaching for that yummy AF drink first. Even having a tastey drink in your hand (AF) helps keep the cravings from overtaking you I find. Keep the distraction going.

Last night - I really thought about getting in the van and driving to the beer store. I didn't really have to do or be anywhere important today. I haven't been motivated to do much training this week as the weather has been so yucky. But I did think if Friday turns out to be not too bad I will have BLOWN it by being hungover.

I reached for the sparkling tangerine/lime and got into my p.j.'s immediately after my group hike. It's harder to get to the beer store when you have to get dressed again. So that was enough to keep me home. I have never gone to the beer store in P.J's and I better not start now!

SO TODAY - I went for a run. 8 big hill repeats on the run. It took a lot of motivation to do it but it's done now. So my spirits have lifted.

TONIGHT - Have a healthy supper. No AL for me whatsoever. I have to be up early with my running group then tennis and a bike ride with the kids after! Need my energy. That would be horrible if I was hungover.

Sun looks like it's trying to come out and it's suppose to be nice this weekend. Thank goodness. Have a great AF weekend. Check in later!