AL Detox Time

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.

Just wanted to say hi and see how you are going.

What you been up to? Hope you have been surviving the school holidays. You are lucky to be able to have them off with the kids.

Anyway take care and pop in soon.

Hip

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Okay took my three hyper grouchy kids back to school shopping yesterday. Glad that day is over. Ughhhh. I was exhausted and grouchy by the end of the day too.

I caved last night AND the night before.

It's like I just didn't care. The whole you deserve it you had a hard day with the kids excuse. So I feel less than energetic on this sunny beautiful day. I didn't go overboard but had 5 beers which is enough to feel it the next day and more than the normal person would drink. I am really in need of another stretch of AF. I feel like it could be back to the way it use to be. Oh I hope I can beat this Beast for good one of these days.

So day 1 AF for me. Back to work tonight and tomorrow so I will avoid the witching hours. I really want to feel energetic and healthy and I'm not feeling that right now.

I must say this last week of summer holidays the boys are driving me crazy. Fighting constantly but at the same time that can't stand to be apart. Brothers.

Well I will continue this journey again today and hopefully have a long stretch of AF. I'm tired of this.

Sorry to be so glum. I'll feel much better and motivated tomorrow morning when I wake up guilt free, no regrets and fresh!

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech-so sorry the boys are being a trial for you but that's what they do right? What doesn't kill us.....

I really do hope that you can come to terms with your AL use at some point and what it means to you. It pains me to see you feel all guilty every time you "cave" and I know you know you aren't being the best you can be when you've used AL to deal with whatever it is that needs dealing with. You obviousy aren't ready to be AF and maybe you never will and you know what? THAT"S OK!!! Only you can decide if AL is a problem in your life or not. If it's a big enough problem, you will make the choice not to use it, no matter what. You will find other ways to reward yourself for a job well done, surviving a tough day, whatever it is. If it's not a problem for you, then it might have a place in your life. If you need some stretches of being AF, do so, but let it come naturally and let it be something you WANT to do, not something you feel you HAVE to do or that you owe "someone" whoever that might be, an AF period of time. It's kind of like dieting, at least for me. I can do it for extended periods of time because I know I needed to as my weight got to high or I felt like crap. But in the back of my mind I always knew there was an end point and that I would go back to eating any way I damn well pleased once I hit goal. Kind of like a get out of free jail card. Well, it's not like that anymore for me. there are no more diets. There is concious eating and trying to make good healthy choices. It's "progress, not perfection". Same with AL although that decision had to be more final due to health issues and the fact that I KNEW from day one I had to change my relationship with AL. I had to give it the boot as it was doing nothing to improve my life. Everynite was "reward" nite. Could have laid in bed all day doing absolutely nothing and would have found a way to "reward" myself with AL.
OK, that is all. Love ya!!
:h :l

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Thanks Papmom for the advice

Hello there. It's been a while since I have been here. Busy with the kids, back to school, computer was down for a few days......

I guess Papmom I just don't know where I am, thus I am everywhere with my AL.
I definitely have a problem with it. Full blown problem - no. but everyone started somewhere before it got really ugly.
I am just not quite sure what to do. I guess I'll keep trying to figure it out. I know I did feel pretty happy, energetic when I did my 6 weeks AF. I need to find that inner strength I had when I did my detox.

Well I have my final triathlon this weekend so will work on sober head on the pillow until it's over. That's probably one reason (besides my insanely competitive side :H) why I do races is that it forces me to be somewhat controlled with AL.

Think I'll go back through my entire thread for some motivation. And the tool box again.

Kids started school yesterday (except my littlest guy) so things are much more peaceful around the house and I really look forward to seeing them at the end of the day - and I think they look forward to seeing me too. Rather then all of us having enough of each other by the end of the day.

Weather has been rainy and cold last few days which I have had enough of. Need some sunshine to lift the spirits.

Well off to bake several loaves of banana bread and play Tinker toys with my son. Hope you have a great day everyone! :h

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

As for my drinking lately. I have spurts. 3-4 days AF then I have 4-5 beers. Then 3-4 days AF again. Would like to stretch it out more than that. Will post how I am doing. Last night I had 4 beers. So i don't feel too bad. I hadn't drank since last week so that reward stupid excuse kicked in last night.

Papmom - your point about...
It pains me to see you feel all guilty every time you "cave" and I know you know you aren't being the best you can be when you've used AL to deal with whatever it is that needs dealing with.

That really made me think. I beat myself up brutally with guilt when I cave. That is often which makes me feel worse than being fatigue, or hungover. The shame and guilt eats away at me. I hate it. But I keep repeating it. What a bad learner I am.

I guess I need to lighten up and smarten up.

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Nora, Hippy, Mollyka, JC and everyone I hope you are doing well. I will try to catch up on some posts here over the next few days.

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

It's late and I really need to "Step away from the computer Ma'am!!" but I just want to give you a :l and let you know I'm here for whatever you need.

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Not posting much these days but checking in

Well I have been here visiting many threads but just a silent poster lately. Have been getting back to my old bad habits and must re-focus now. Still doing 3-4 Af days then a stupid reward day. Then hungover day and 3-4 AF's. The cycle isn't as bad as a year ago but it is not what I want. It is not good.

I'm not so good at the moderation approach. Deep down, I never really thought I would be.

So back to giving more effort to sobriety and less attention to the Beast.

I like what Sheri said on K9's thread about putting the Beast asleep. Time for a nap beast!

Back to the supps, back to the CD's and back to really trying.

Hope all is well K9! Glad you have the antabuse. You are going to do it!

Hope everyone else has a good sober week.

Meech :h

[Hippy Chick]

AL Detox Time

Hi Meech.
After reading your posts over the last few weeks, one saying sprung to mind.
Although I am not an AA advocate, nor am I religious, this may be helpful for you. Think of this next time you beat yourself up with guilt about drinking.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I hope you find peace one day soon.

Hip

[fluff]

AL Detox Time

Hey Meech, How about instead of the beast taking a nap- just killing it? If it takes a nap -it'll wake up again, at some point...
Wishing you the best in sobriety,
Fluff

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hi Hippy,

That's what kept my father sober for 48 years (the second half of his life) was that prayer. He was a heavy alcoholic. I was born after he quit so I never saw him drink a drop. But he followed that prayer so I should really go back to that possibly? Thank you.

Hi Fluff. Great advice. Kill it, no napping.

Okay time for a plan,

1) The slaying of the Beast! :devil::boxer:

I ordered some more supplements and will start the CD's today. It's amazing how strong you can feel after some AF stretches and how weak and hopeless you can wind yourself back into, in a hurry.

Drinking takes so much work and it's tiring me out. I find I am really getting back to my old habits (2-3 days AF = 1 drunk cycle).

I want to feel that freedom from the grips of the addiction. It seems to have more power over me right now and I give in easily. Time to regain that power back.

[JackieClaire]

AL Detox Time

Great to see you posting again, Meech:l
Back to getting that sober head down to sleep. Onwards and forwards, Meech.
J x
:l

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Yes that really worked for me too. Sober head on the pillow and no regrets in the morning!

Thank you JC:l:h

[papmom3]

AL Detox Time

If this is what you really want Meech, may I suggest some BGTP? They are all the rage!! They come in fabulous colors as well and can be worn outside regular clothes!! Fully washable and dryable!! No dry cleaning for this papmom!! Yes Ma'am, Big Girl Titanium Pants-only $29.99-get 'em while they last!! :H

:l :h

[Meech]

AL Detox Time

Hee hee hee