My AF Journey Journal

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom,

Sorry I haven't checked in lately. This new job, training, the kids wow I am busy and my house is even more of a disaster.

I sure hope you are feeling better. I did laugh at the dumb as dirt, ugly as sin no teeth cousin story. Even in pity you are funny! :H

Well you are maintaining you strength for AF. Hope the new supps/meds work for you. Really have to find another hobby that makes your heart happy. I am so glad you have agility. Now just try some new things. If it isn't fun move to the next thing. I hope you can overcome this hump. You are a very caring person and deserve to be happy. i'll start thinking of some fresh ideas and if I can come up with anything I'll post back.

Well work tonight and tomorrow night so will try to check in here tomorrow during the day.

Take care Pap! :l:h:l

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Afternoon all.

Pap I hope your pups are OK after their massive almond binge. You did make me laugh when you described the cat walking around with you! You must have some fun in your house. I love my two kitties to bits and would love to have heaps more. But as we travel quite a bit, it would be too difficult (and expensive) to get them looked after while we are away.
My Jimmy is just the most beautiful cat I have ever been owned by. He sleeps on my chest at night with his head on my shoulder and he always gives me a kiss before he goes to sleep. He has such a great sense of humour and makes us laugh by chasing his tail around and around in circles..... it is so funny. I might have to video it one day and put it on photobucket.

Hope you are feeling better today and getting some cooler weather. I hate the heat, much prefer spring or autumn.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Hippy

[NoraC]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi - Just wanted to check in & see how the pups are. I see I'm not the only one. Hi Hippy!!
Anyway, I've just been thinking about you & them. Hope things are better today. :l:l

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Thanks Nora and HC! Yep, LM seems to be fine. Pooping pure almond poop which is interesting to say the least!! We dodged that bullet thank goodness!

Hey Meech, I'm feeling so much better today. I wonder if the full moon had anything to do with my funk? I've also changed a little of my thinking and realizing that I am in control and it's my choice to be AF. I need to stop being the victim because there is nothing to be a victim of. No more pity parties, well at least for a while! And, I'm going to try very hard to just not think about the fact that I don't drink anymore. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. So, no more obsessing.

OK, gotta go feed the kids and get to bed!!

See you all tomorrow!

:l

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papster! I am so so so happy you are feeling better. Your words seemed lighter and I'm sure your spirit is. Isn't it nuts that we feel we are being deprived because we CAN'T have alcohol - Rather shouldnt we feel unbelievably free as a bird for being out of it's clutches.

I am feeling very happy today as I have no shifts at the new restaurant until Monday. I really don't like working evening but it is very good for me as that is craving hour. And all I'd be doing is sitting around wishing I could drink or even worse drinking!

So everytime we feel like throwing a pity party (and trust me i have thrown many on my own) we must stop and think about how lucky we are to be free of the poison jail we were living in.

Do whatever wonderful things makes you happy and brings peace in your heart this weekend (and we know it's not AL that just makes life suck). Be good to yourself and don't beat yourself up at all about food, exercise or anything. I find when my spirits lift I am more motivated to do stuff. Live in the moment don't dwell on the future. I hope you have a superduperfantasticobrilliant weekend!

I will pop in tomorrow! Lots of :h:h and :l:l:l to you.
Meechie

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hipster Molly and Nora

Lots of :h:h and :l:l to you too!

Give yourselves all some too as you deserve it!
Meechiemoto

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Oops dido to expact3! :l:h

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey ExPat3-so sorry I didn't reply right away!! Thanks Meech for the reminder!! Thanks for the info on the radiant recovery-I'll definitely check it out! Hope all is well with you and that what ever goal you're working towards is in reach.
Hugs,
Pam

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Finger Sandwich Warning!!

Little bit of excitement at the old homestead tonite. got home and had decided to take DD and Mick for a walk (leaving LM at home for obvious reasons) and was just about to put their harnesses on when I decided it would be a good idea to let them all out to pee before the walk. Good thing! I stood on the deck staring down at my pond not quite comprehending what was different. OMG-NO WATER!!!! MY FISHIES!! Ran down to find all water but 2" gone! It was full this morning!! I tried to find the fishies but couldn't. Hoping to god they weren't laying on the bottom dead. The pump was still whirring away but sounding sick and all my plants were parched!! It had been very warm today but not humid. I quickly grabbed the hose (DD thought we were going to play his favorite game) and started refilling the pond. Finally!! Fishies swimming!! Thank God. I think I saw all 8 at one point too. After the pond finished filling I cleaned the filter and got rid of the dead water lily leaves. A lot of my oxygenator plants look pretty bad so I might have to replace them. No walkies for the doggies tonite!! I have no idea what happened but I think the filter was so clogged that the bell fountain started spraying water overboard today until there was no more left. Should be OK now. Whew!!! That was a close one!!

After reading the paper and giving into DD and his game, I came in and logged on to find that the freecycler had answered me after I left work re: the many copies of Handyman magazine she was giving away. It wasn't too far from me so I hopped in the car to get them (it's 7:30 by now). On the way home stopped at S&S for some dinner and buttermilk for my ranch dressing recipe and found a bargain on underbed containers that I'll be using in my Outback after I build a platform for the crates. The sticker said $10, the sign said Sale-$5 each but they rang up as $20 each!! The VERY helpful young man at the register went back with me to look at the sign. It had expired yesterday but because they left the sign up he said I could have them for the sale price. Whoo Hoo!! Free mags and a bargain on something I was going to buy soon anyway!! Wouldn't have happened if I was still drinking! I would have had 4 glasses of wine in me by 7:30 and wouldn't have even thought about driving at that point. It's good to be sober!!
Have a wonderful and sober nite all!!
:l

[aussie13]

My AF Journey Journal

Hello, can you tell me how do you begin to journal I am illiterate on the pc
Cheers, C

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey Aussie - from one pc illiterate to another! - just click on 'new thread' at the top of the page (before you go into a thread) and just put a name to your thread (e.g. aussies journal) and off you go typing and that's pretty much it - looking forward to checking in on it!!
Pappers! Imagine dealing with all that pissed:H:H Glad the fish survived, lilies are as tough as old boots - leave them in and they will probably come back
Molly

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey Molls-fish and lilly's are fine today-fed the fish and they came running after a few minutes. Wasn't going to feed them at all anymore but felt bad after their ordeal yesterday and what little water was left was SOOOOO warm! If they hadn't suffocated I was sure they would have been cooked!!
It's my oxygenators that I'm worried about. Little furry green things aren't so green anymore!
If I'd been "pissed", I'm sure I would've fallen in :H:H!!

[NoraC]

My AF Journey Journal

Oh Paps - Can't believe your night!!!! So glad the fishies survived! And yahoo - you got magazines & your crates. Way to go!!!

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

This damn internet is driving me bonkers........ Keeps dropping out and I loose connection! aaaahhhhhhh!ull

Hi Pap. How are the fishes doing after their new death experince? Must have been something in the air as my pond was loosing water for some reason too. It didnt have a leak so I am not sure where the water went! It's not like it has been summer and evaporated. I dont have fishes so there was not problem there. I was going to get some but I thought it would just be a fresh fish market for my kitties so decided against it.

That freecycler system sounds like a brilliant idea. I always take my stuff to the RSPCA for resale but it would be great to be able to get stuff as well.

Hope you are still feeling better. I will pop in again tomorrow. As I have been AWOL for a few days I have a lot of posts to catch up on. So bye for now.

Hip

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Epiphany - I think

So I'm driving to work yesterday, and my mind is wandering as always. I'm thinking about why I drank so much and for so long and now why I can't seem to get enough sugar and carbs. The term "Addictive Personality" comes into my mind. Could that be it? If so, why didn't I ever get addicted to cigarettes? I start reasoning it out. Nicotine never really did anything for me in terms of relaxing me or giving me a little bit of a high as far as I can remember. And I usually felt bloated and sick to my stomach after smoking a couple. I never got up to a pack a day and when I decided to quit, it was cold turkey and for good. Yes, I have asthma, but that wasn't really a factor for some reason. So, the cigs didn't give me what I was looking for and out they went. Then my mind starts playing back all my serious relationships. Why didn't they work out? Why weren't they long term? With sugar, carbs and AL, I binge until I can't move or I pass out (AL). Hmmmm, what did I do in my relationships? I craved more and more. I had to be with them 24/7 and I was miserable if I couldn't do that. I never got the concept of "girls night out". Why would I want to go out with friends and miss being with my man? Bottom line, I binged on relationships too until I suffocated them to the point they had to leave. Consequently I stopped dating 20 years ago because the negative results of being in a relationship got to be just too much. I gave up that addiction, just like I've given up AL. Now I've switched one addiction for another. Addictive Personality. That's me I think. The question is: Why can't i be addicted to a clean house, exercise or my job? Why do I consistently choose addictions that are so totally unhealthy?
This was all so much to digest while I was driving but I had no choice but to continue onto work when all I wanted to do was turn around and go home, crawl under the covers and hide. I feel like I've wasted most of my life chasing something that I never got. Love, acceptance, success. Don't get me wrong-my family loves me unconditionally and I am very very lucky in that. But it's just not the same as having a soul mate is it? I feel very sad for the person I was for all those years, and may still be.