My AF Journey Journal

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Morning Papmom, Meech and Techie.
Sorry I havent been around for a few days. My thoughts have been with you however I have spent alot of time trying to sort this mess out with my son. He had his re-entry meeting at school yesterday after being suspended last week and he has been kicked out of the elite football program he has a scholarship in. We are so disappointed as this program is only one of three in the state and it was a real achievement getting accepted. Out of 250 applicants, only 30 got chosen. But as the coach said, they cant be seen as to condone activities such as he was busted for by allowing him to stay in the program. I feel so sad for him.
But enough of me. Pap you sound fantastic. I am glad you got some good running shoes (and a decent sports bra - most important!!!). I love my shoes and treat them as if they are made of gold. I can feel such a difference when I wear them. Sounds like you need to do abit of stretching to prevent that thigh aches after a run. (I cant run, I only walk reallllly fast.... two kids.....natural births.... say no more!).
You know it might be a good thing if your nephew asks about your book, as I found it a relief to be able to talk to someone about what you are going thru. He may give you his perspective of your drinking. My husband did when I told him and thru his eyes I wasnt as bad as I thought (not sure if I believe him, but will take it anyway). How is that book going? I havent finished Rational Recovery or Alan Carr's one so I had better not buy another one - might have a look on the net or in the library.
With regards to the time out thingy that happens with this site, I found when I put in my password and said yes to the computer remembering it, that stopped the time outs happening. It was so annoying to have written a huge post and then loose it.
Hope your project list for your vacation is getting smaller. So fulfilling when you can cross off something on your list that has been there for so long!
I have got to leave for work soon and have done nothing! So will say bye for now and will come back tonight to catch up on Meech's thread and the nest. It is amazing how many posts are there to read when you dont come here for a day or two.
Take care and enjoy your day.
HC

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Meech and HC-thanks for stopping in.

Meech- Let's see, last year 1st day of vacation? Drove down to the Cape with 2 of my dogs for a 4 day stay. Lots of walking walking walking all week. I know I had wine almost every nite but I don't think it was my usual amount as I was so tired from all the activity. I probably made up for that when I got home as I had 3 more days left to my week off. Most likely I vegged and drank (at nite) the rest of the week but I really don't remember. I know I didn't have any projects on a list. It was a great vacation but one I financially can't repeat anytime soon. I'll try to send some of that heat out to you but in truth it wasn't all that hot today, maybe 80 F. I'm just not used to working in the full sun. Supper was great and I did end up taking LM for a nice 30 min walk around the neighborhood. I do believe he's tired!!

HC-I'm so sorry about your son getting kicked out of the football program. Adds insult to injury. Such a tough lesson to learn at such a young age. I give the coach credit for sticking to his guns tho. So many times over here in the States, athletes make bad choices and they don't suffer any consequenses but a missed game or two. I don't know, such a tough choice for any coach-gotta make sure the punishment fits the crime and all that. I just feel bad for all of you.
I have learned my lesson about the stretching and also about pacing myself. I think that sprint the other night is what caused the thighs to get so sore. They are fine now.
My nephew is only 16 but old enough to hear some stark truths about AL. We'll see if anyone brings the book up.
The seven weeks book I am almost through but I've got another one going that is much more fun so I've been favoring that one. They all have to go back by friday tho. And yes, It's feeling good to check things off.

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi PM3. Your vacation this year sounds so much better for you!
I think you are right about the coach standing firm. I find it very sad however I am 100% behind him.
Your nephew sounds like a real treasure. So good of him to come and help his auntie. And I think at 16 that is the perfect time to tell him about the dangers of drinking, before he gets started.
Gonna pop over to read Meech's posts so will catch up with you tomorrow.
Have a good day.
Hip

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

I had to scroll up to see who PM3 was before I realized it was Papmom. Duhhhhhh! Perhaps this excercise has fatigued my brain! :whee: :nutso:

The sun is starting to come out. Brightening my day. The forest fire worry may be much less do to all the rain we have had the last few days. It's suppose to start getting sunny and warmer so I think you did send some our way. Just takes a few days to get across the countryside!

I agree with Hippy your nephew sounds wonderful. Nice to have family close by. Hope you are having a good day HC and that things are starting to brighten up your way too soon. :l


PM3 (thought I'd use the new code name now that I've cracked it - lol) Haven't seen a post on your thread yet today so you must be a busy little bee once again. Be careful of that lightening!

I don't have too much going on tonight so I will work hard to "ride the crave till it is just a ripple"
Meech :hiya:

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 25

Well, Meech is right-I have been a busy bee today although I didn't get as much done as I thought I would due to the storm.

This morning I harnessed up the two big boys and headed for a different rail trail in a neighboring town that I'd never been on. Unfortunately when I got there I realized it was not dog friendly (no dogs allowed). My regular rail trail was having a "pull out the invasive plant" day and since I knew the organizer I didn't want to go there and not help. Next to the new trail is conservation land with lovely trails where I used to do a lot of birdwatching. 2 years ago with my new foster I got lost on the trails so I was hesitant to try it again (it's been a long time since I have birdwatched and I always was with a group). I turned around telling myself not to be silly. They had a nice new map and I picked out what looked to be the shortest trail (what they don't include is the distance!!) and we started out. It was muddy, buggy and muggy and I had on my running shoes, not my hiking boots so it was rough going. But, I had my bug toweletts and despite all the negatives it was a lovely HOUR AND A HALF HIKE!!!! Didn't see that one coming :H. The trails were much much better marked than 2 years ago and it was a lovely quiet hike. It was really nice hearing all the birds I used to look for every spring and summer: Veery, Black Throated Green, Pee Wee, Scarlet Tanager, Oven Bird, Red Eyed Vireo and many more I coudn't identify but once could. The Mountain Laurel was almost as it's peak and the Lady Slippers were in full bloom. The boys did great-Koby led the way and once again showed what a great outdoor recreation companion he is. Near the end of the hike I let him off leash and let him splash in a small pool in the running stream.
Got home just in time for lunch and to clean the basement before the storm hit. One of our local channels has a cool radar app on their website and I could track the storm as it headed right for my neighborhood which was awesome because it told me exactly when it would hit. It also showed that just a few miles south of my house would miss the heart of the storm. Very cool. Got the cats settled into a crate and the boys hung out on the couch while I watched TV and read. Overhead the thunder shook the house and the wind was howling but we were safe and sound from the fury of the storm (and spiders) in the very cool basement. No power loss this time thank goodness but I was prepared.

After the storm passed I headed for the libray to return due books. I was a bit bored so headed for Dress Barn to try to find an outfit for our Play Day on Sat. No luck. HATE the way I look in clothes (not thrilled how I look out of them either)!! All this exercise better pay off or I'll scream! Ended up at Wally World which is where I usually end up when I'm bored and don't want to go home. Pathetic. But, I only spent $20 this time so I'm getting better. Home by 7:30, made dinner, fed the furkids and I'm pretty much ready to hit the hay. My one regret is getting home too late to take LM for a short walk.

I kept thinking all day long that this is what an AF life is like folks!! You make plans, whether it be to go to work or take a hike and on the appointed day you wake up with energy and looking forward to the day. Had I still been drinking, chances are I wouldn't have gotten up today for my hike. Or, I would have gone but it would have been forced and I would not have had as much energy. It is so nice to wake up each morning and know I can do whatever I have planned or want to do. I am no longer kept prisoner by extreme fatigue, sick tummy, dehydration etc. Even when I didn't have the typical hangover, I was super tired and craved the worst food in the world. Today I promised myself no fast food and actually looked forward to the nice big salad I would make when I got home from the hike. No cravings for greasy, sugar and fat laden food. What a great feeling!!

Tomorrow I have my annual P.E. I'm excited to share my progress of the past month with my GP and to see the results of my chem profile when it comes back. Then off to a bone density scan. I certainly hope that going off the fosamax hasn't done any damage. Keeping my fingers crossed with that one.

Really must read the other posts and head to bed. See you all tomorrow!!

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Great hour and a half hike!!! I love those. I'm lucky to have that as part of my job and I never get tired of it. Something about the sounds of the birds in nature. Ahhhhhhh.

I love what you said Papmom....
It is so nice to wake up each morning and know I can do whatever I have planned or want to do. I am no longer kept prisoner by extreme fatigue, sick tummy, dehydration etc.

It's like a gift you get every morning when you wake up after a sober yesterday. Knowing that what plans you had for the day ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN with energy and motivation!!!

Hope all goes well with your doctor's appointment tomorrow.

You are helping my motivation to get some work done around my home! :thanks:

Talk to you tomorrow!
:h Meech

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

OK Meech, game on!! I'm going to take a pic of my garden shed before and after. What about those closets of yours?? I can't remember if I took a pick of my pond area before I dug it out or not. Have to scroll through the camera. Hopeing to have it done by Friday evening, plants, fish and all!!

Took my little loud mouth for a 30 min walk this morning sans the big boys. My back, hip and big toe were killing me LOL!! God it sucks to get old!! Can't wait to get back home this afternoon to continue some work. It's going to be warm so I don't know if I'll get a walk in with the big boys. Maybe the rail trail around 7pm.

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Papmom, I am giggling right now. I don't know what's worse, my AL addiction or the thought of taking a "before" picture of my closets. :H

I did manage to bring home 4 boxes from the restaurant to put all the old clothes or too small kid clothes in to donate to the Thrift Store. That's a start as I look at them all empty and piled in a corner of my bedroom.


Okay I am not about to be called on the Hoarders show. I am not a pack rat. Thank goodness. But we get all these nice hand-me downs for the kids and they of course stick to their favorite 4 shirts and 3 pants. So time to get rid of the other 15 shirts and stuff that someone else could use.


Did a 40km bike ride this morning in very windy conditions today. Yuck. But I'm done.
I must be a little nuts as I would prefer going for a 40km bike in the dead wind, with rain then stay inside and organize a closet. :nutso:

PROMISE - Okay I promise my next post here will be reporting on a completed organizational task that I have done. :fingers:


Hope you have a great day. Ice those body parts, it works wonders for me. Glad yappy love got some walk time today. Is he a little dog? That's how I feel sometimes. I'm pretty short and don't know when to shut up sometimes. LOL.

Talk to you later. Time to Embark on Mission "Closet Impossible" :H

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi guys. I really must make more time to come and visit as I always have to read so many posts when I do come and then dont get time to post!
You sound great Papmom. I know what you mean about this must be the way normal people live. It's great isnt it. I love being able to go to the supermarket and hold my head high - not look at the floor trying to hide that horrible secret I always thought was so evident by just looking at me.
I have a lovely day planned. I am going on an adventure day, abseiling, rock climbing. Not too sure what else is involved. I am being rewarded for volunteering in the school library. A nice way to reward someone rather than a box of chocolates! So I will let you know how I go when i get back.
I love reading about you and Meech going hiking and walking so it's my turn to be adventurous!
Will catch up again later.
HC

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Great Hippy - Happy hiking and Rock climbing! I don't think I'm brave enough to rock climb.

HOWEVER - I was brave enough to tackle the kids closets today - DONE!!!

The dangerous one is my own bedroom closet. Yikes it looked like a bomb went off in my room. I have to keep going as I can't see my bed and I will eventually want to lay my sober head on it!!!

Aren't you proud of me Papmom? All your encouragement and your own duty accomplishments have finally got me cracking. Well back to work.

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 26

Hey Meech, yep I am very proud of you!! Now I have to get cracking on the shed!!

HC-how did the rock climbing and something "sailing"? go? What a great way to reward a volunteer!! Super!!

So, yesterday was a very wierd day and I blame it all on the fact I had to fast for 12 hours due to my doctor's appt. That went well. I fessed up to the slip I had in May and told how depressed I was. She asked if I needed antidepressants! I told her absolutely not-I was fine now and felt the GABA really helps to put me on an even keel. She seemed releived I was still AF. She wasn't too cooperative when I asked her to check my hormone levels-she kind of brushed me off on that and said replacement therapy wasn't recommended. I wasn't very articulate about why I wanted the test done. I just mentioned biohormones. Didn't dare mention Suzanne Somers book. Gotta work on my assertiveness but I did get a peak at the blood work req and noticed she hadn't checked off glucose so I told her I hadn't fasted for 12 hours for nothing!! She checked it off.

After the blood work I was of course famished and didn't even try to look for something healthy. Right to Mickey D's I went. At least I didn't order the Big Mac meal!! After I ate I could feel the sugar crash almost right away and just wanted to take a nap. Did manage to do the dishes before I headed off to my bone density scan. After that I headed to the big home improvement box store to get my compost and look for the central AC vinyl screen for my dad. I won't go into details but the entire experience was very frustrating and I was hot and tired. I headed over to Dick's sporting goods and picked up a super duper pedometer that measures heart rate and calories burned. I couldn't for the life of me find a small fanny pack that hold water bottles tho. They were either too small or too big or way too expensive. Again, frustrating and by this time I'm H*A*T. BUT!! I had planned ahead and packed a cooler with fruit, cheese and seltzer!! Yea me!! I ate the cheese and drank the seltzer and headed home. My ankle was absolutely killing me by now. I was wicked hot and drained. I just hung out in the shade with the dogs, ate the fruit and read a bit. I just couldn't bring myself to harness up the pups and even go just up the road to the College. My whole body ached. Luckily I had managed to get in a 30 min walk in the morning with LM (yes, he's only 10 lbs) even tho I was severely sugar deprived LOL!!

Unfortunately last nite didn't go much better. About an hour after eating, LM (this could stand for Little Man instead of Loud Mouth I suppose) vomited all his food up. Very unusual for him. Vomited a few more times, mostly water then food again. He kept trying to drink water but couldn't keep it down. He was obviously very uncomfortable. I've been through this once before with him and my vet thought he was trying to pass a kidney stone. He has a history of bladder stones and has had surgery twice. Well, I was ready to rush him to the ER if necessary and I didn't have to worry about driving (except I was sleepy due to the Mirapax). He kept vomiting and shaking until about 2am. I had taken the water up by then and he finally settled down and eventually found his way under the covers to his usual spot. he's much better today, wanted his food but of course didn't get any. It's still a possibility he ate something yesterday he shouldn't have (he's a huge grazer) but to be safe I'm going to have get him the XRays my vet said I should do in the near future. Needless to say we are all very very tired and my whole body still aches from lack of sleep. I have until 4pm to do some work around the house and then it's time for agility. I want to take the 2 big boys for a walk somewhere but I'm afraid to leave LM alone. He gets separation anxiety big time and I don't want to stress him out. I can't take him with us because that would be too much stress as well, especially in this heat. Catch 22. At least one of them will get some exercise today at agility.

This has been one long rambler sucker of a post LOL!! What I'm learning tho is to be very aware of my triggers and my emotions. I know without a doubt that the key to staying sober is never to bring that first drink to my mouth. Being dependant on AL because of a biochemistry glitch(AL Allergic) is good to know but it doesn't prevent me from taking that first drink. It's just knowledge about how my body reacts to AL. It would have been so easy yesterday to buy that bottle of wine and surrender to the Beast and just get totally numb since most of the day didn't go my way and I was so tired and hot. I have learned to look past that first drink and how it would make me feel. I have to look in the future and the past at the same time. Also, I need to keep reminding myself that my babies need me 24/7 and I have to be there for them in mind and body. Had I given in yesterday, I would not have been able to take LM in if he had gotten worse and I could have lost him as I would have been passed out and not been aware of his symtoms and demeanor. Because I chose NOT to drink, I was able to stay awake most of the night monitering him.
Me-26; Beast 0.

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Sorry to hear about your rough night. Hope LM continues to recover. Poor thing.

Sounds like you had your fill of tests yourself. Hope the foot gets better. Rest is good especially when it's so hot there too.

Take care today and hopefully tomorrow is better for all of you! :l

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

thanks Meech!! He does seem better although a bit more tired than usual. he did poop tho so that's a good sign!! (See, we furmoms are not so different from human moms LOL!!)

I manage to totally dismantle my pond today as I couldn't get it level at all. I think I need my bro to come by with a chainsaw as there is a huge root that I think is interfering with getting the pond settles when filled with water. So back to square one except for the digging. I also got the veggie gardens deweeded but the storms seem to be getting closer so I'm stopping for the day.

I just got a call from my MDs office. She always has her office staff call with any news and I'm getting sick of it. I was told they scheduled me for a Renal US because my kidney numbers were off but the young girl couldn't tell me what it all meant. I told her I had had a abdominal catscan not to long ago to check for kidney stones and she said, "Oh, I don't think the doctor knew about that." I said she better have known since she's the one that ordered it!! Then she dropped the bombshell-said my AI something came back as borderline diabetic!! I asked her what that meant and if there was anything the doc wanted me to do and she didn't know. I asked her if the doc wanted to talk to me. She said all she knew is that she was told to call me. I said well, then I WANT TO TALK TO HER!!. PLEASE TELL HER TO CALL ME!! Jeeze. I can't believe this!! My blood work a year ago in came back perfect!! I stop drinking and all of a sudden I'm in kidney failure with diabetes!! OK, that's an exaggeration but I feel like the bottom just dropped out.

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

That is so annoying. Good thing you are on top of things. I hope your Dr. calls you back and can give you the information you are looking for. It ends up taking more manpower, time and less answers when they get someone else (not as knowledgable) to discuss your health issues. Very frustrating.

I'm sure the Dr.'s are working very hard and their time is limited but the run around treatment ends up taking so much more time. I've been there before - drives you nuts.

Hanging in there and hopefully you'll get the answers soon. :l

Meechie

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 27

Another busy and good day sort of. No walks today due to the heat and being up most of the night with the sick pup. Dismantled my pond and now have to wait for my brother to come next week with a chainsaw to get rid of the huge root that is keeping the pond from being level. Was able to weed the veggie garden and trim the jungle around it. Tomorrow I'm hoping to go buy some veggies and seeds after the grooming appointment for the 2 big boys. Will most likely stick with broccoli, zucchini and summer squash. Maybe some eggplant as I think it's going to be a great summer for eggplant. Hoping by tomorrow nite I'll have the garden planted and mulched!!

As I mentioned in a reply post to Meech earlier today I got what seems to be "bad" news about my blood work yesterday. If I heard the office assistant correctly, my kidneys may not be functioning normally and I'm borderline diabetic. I am still reeling from this news as it came as a complete shock. Throughout all my drinking years the only physical problems i've had that is serious is High Blood Pressure which has been somewhat controlled by meds. Everything else has been perfect, even my liver function. I was very angry when I got the news for 2 reasons: My doctor had her office assistant call and tell me and I feel like my body has betrayed me after I made this huge life change by going AF. I have to keep telling myself that this has been years in the making most likely and 2 months of mostly being AF isn't enough to change what was happening. This is a huge wakeup call and I better answer it. Time to get serious about the diet and the exercise and stop waiting for things to happen by themselves. I also think that I've probably reached my limit in terms of working 3 jobs. Although I don't think my budget can handle it, I may have to totally let go of the twice a month Saturday job. I wasn't able to make ends meet anyway even with the job so I'll just be in the hole a bit more every month. Will take a long deep look at my spending habits and see if i can make this work. I'm putting my "Big girl panties on" !!

I didn't hear back from my MD today so I will bug the office tomorrow until I do. I have tons of questions and I think she owes me the curtesy of answering them herself, not through her office assistant.

It's now time to take this aching, very tired body to bed. Agility went well tonite but it was very hot and I was sore to begin with. Some aspirin and a good nite's sleep should take care of the soreness. One thing that won't help is AL and the Beast couldn't talk me into that if he offered me a million bucks!!