My AF Journey Journal

[papmom3]

**With apologies to Meech for stealing her idea of using this forum as my journal**

Day One

This of course should be day 62 but I've had a couple of falls along the way, most recently last nite. I've been really upset lately about how depressed I've been and how horrible my sleep or lack thereof has been. I definitely wanted to dull the pain and numb out. It worked for about an hour and then turned into true intoxication and then the passout. Horrible nite's sleep-heartburn, congestion, restlessness. Now a whole wasted day feeling sick. REMEMBER THIS NITE PAPMOM3!!!! REMEMBER THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

:yuk:

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom,

I'm sorry you feel so crappy today. tomorrow will be much much better.

I am very flattered that you are doing a journal too!! I find it helps me be more accountable. So hopefully it works for you too.

Don't beat yourself up for caving. The past is history. Live in the moment and it will set up your future.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!!:l

[daybyday]

My AF Journey Journal

Papmom, good on you starting the journal. I hope you feel better today and you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue on your path to live AF. We are all here for you:l

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

Way to go PapM!!

[Panno]

My AF Journey Journal

Great to start a journal :goodjob: Remember Papmom the past is called the past because thats exactly what it is THE PAST!! Hope your feeling better today :l

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 2

Whew!! Feeling human again and had a decents nite's sleep (by my standards) so that helped. I'm sticking close to the forum and reading everything I can. I don't know if I've had my litebulb moment yet but it's getting close. I loved Sheri's article on Resentment, Self Pity and Victim Mentality. It really resonated with me. Thank you Sheri for sharing!!

What I am grateful for today: I have a 16 yr old nephew who just got his license and is strong and healthy and nice enough to spend a few hours at Auntie's doing yard work so I can get some of the work I brought home with me done (course I've got to get off this site first :H ). No doubt the $10/hr helps

There will be no more pity parties at this house anymore.

Goals for week: Besides staying AF-Begin supps again and find one hour at least once this week to listen to the Hypnotic CD.

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

thanks everyone for the encouragement and replies. This is quite the journey isn't it???/

[one2many]

My AF Journey Journal

GOOD on Ya Pap!! That is the spirit and mindset you will need for your journey.....looking forward to sharing it with you xx

Oney x

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

There's a journey here in Ireland that's only about 200 miles ( for anyone from Ireland it's from outside Dublin to Waterville in Kerry) and we've done it many times, but the roads are atrocious and once we did it in a 15 year old Volvo with no breaks and it took us 12 hours!!!!.............Anyway Paps, that journey was in the halfpenny place to this one!!!!!
Molly

[hiddengoal]

My AF Journey Journal

The journaling is REALLY useful by helping deal with emotions that have been hidden for a long time. When you stop the drink coverup, you get to face the emotions. I kept one on here for a year, but I did it in the "Blogs". I was too self-counscious to do a thread, so the blog suited me. But when I started journaling there, it was not part of the subscription account, which it now is. But its worth it and you get to support this site. Just wanted to let you know.

Keep writing - I can say from a year of it that its a great tool.

Hiddengoal

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Thanks HG-I've never done a blog and was excited to see the option here at MWO but then realized that you had to be a subscriber. Going to hold off on that for now although the monthly fee is not unreasonable at all. I keep looking at the subscriber site longingly tho because of all the updates you get as well as other special things like the blog and I'll probably cave next week. I'm glad to hear your journaling served you well. Unlike my sister who kept a journal faithfully through her teen and young adult years, I've never really gotten into that habit-not even when on WW or any other type of food or financial diet. I start out well and then it gets harder and harder to find the time. I'm going to really try with this one tho.
Molly-that journey sounds like a nightmare but I bet it's gorgeous!! When I come over to the Emerald Isle (I said when, not if), I definitely want to experience the wild natural side of your country-the cliffs overlooking the raging sea, the miles of stone walls, the peat farms (if any left), the small villages etc.

OK everyone, back to work for me-had to pop out to Wally World and get a new wireless mouse as mine stopped working when I plugged it back in this morning. Can't do my work without one!!

Nephew did a great job-my yard is respectable for the neighbors once again. I think the bunnies are going to be pissed tho-He weedwacked all their luscious vegetation LOL!!

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom.

Good idea to start a journal. Somehow putting it out there for others to read makes us more accountable I think.
Anyway I am here to support you along your journey. You did it before and you can do it again. We learn a little bit more about ourselves when we slip up. So like you said, remember how bad you felt the other morning and remind yourself of it next time you are tempted.
Good luck and remember you are not alone.
Take care and will pop in again tomorrow.
HC

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmon.
Just checking in and sending you strenght. Hope you are sticking to your plan.
Take care
HC

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 3

Have already met one of my goals: Listening to the CDs. Last nite I listened to track 2 of the hypnotic CD (didn't realize it was the wrong one to start with-one of these days I'll get the hange of burning things to my IPOD!!). It was OK-I didn't fall asleep or anything and I don't know how deep I got but it was interesting. This morning, after a fitful nite's sleep, I got up at 5 to let the boyz out. I didn't feel like getting ready quite yet so I put the Clearing CD on. Now that was cool. I actually fell asleep before he started counting backwards. I finally got up at 7 which is way too late but I didn't want to get up and go to work at all so pat on the back for denying that pleasure.

I've taken my supps today so I'm back on track with that. I think I have to stop the Calmes Forte tho-I think they are making me way too tired late in the day.
I started feeling really blue this afternoon and I think I've figured out that I just plain hate my job!! Nothing about it is fun anymore. The work I do I could do from home every day but telecommuting is frowned upon unless absolutely necessary. Too bad-I'd be way more productive and would save tons of money on commuting. I'm almost too busy and overwhelmed to look for another job tho so unless I make that a priority, I'll have to just grin and bear it.

I've read some wonderful post these past few days about this journey. It's good to see that we are all in this together and we all pretty much have the same feelings and thoughts about giving up, or should I say choosing to live a life without AL. I've been way too impatient and unrealistic in what I thought would happen when I stopped drinking. Now I know it takes a very long time to clear your mind and body of the poison. This time I will be patient and as calm as I can be.

Good Nite Gracie.

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey HC-thanks so much for checking in this morning!! I was excited to see that you had. Hope I don't get too boring with my ramblings!! Have a great nite/day.