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    #31
    My AF Journey Journal

    Hi Lemonhead-so nice to meet you and thank you for stopping in to read my journal. I'm having fun with it and I've never been a journal keeper!! Why don't you post your question about sleep and dreams on either the General Board or the Just Starting Out board? I bet you will get a TON of replies!!
    Me, I'm just now starting to have decent sleep this past week. The first month I figured, OK, it's going to take my body some time to adjust. The second month I was so scared I was going to end up like Michael Jackson!! Seriously!! Couldn't fall asleep, and when I finally did it was only for an hour or so. I don't even remember dreaming!! I tried every natural remedy on the market and nothing worked, nothing!! I finally got my doc to prescribe Ambien CR for 10 days (I stretched it to 20 by cutting the dose in half) but the GD Ins. Co wouldn't pay for it- I was so desperate I paid $75 out of my pocket. It worked well at putting me to sleep so that was great but I was still waking up every few hours. The difference between now and when I was drinking is that I'd pass out but wake up at 3 and never get back to sleep until 5 or 6 and then be wicked late for work most days. When the Ambien ran out, my doc prescribed Trazadone which interestingly enough is mainly an antidepressant. I took it twice and will never again. It left me totally drugged up the next day to the point of almost not being able to function AND talk about wierd wierd dreams and thoughts. No thank you. One of the things I changed after that experience was to cut out Diet Coke for lunch (most days) and stop taking the Calms Forte that the program recommended. The depression I had been experiencing that I thought was due to lack of sleep lifted almost immediately and I'm definitely sleeping better. Not great but better than I have for decades. My next goal is to add in daily exercise and to actually get out of bed when I naturally wake up at 5:30am.

    My rescues are 3 oversized papillons and 2 kitties. they are what gets me out of bed every morning and a major reason I had to stop drinking. I couldn't take one more morning of realizing I had forgotten to feed them the night before or the thought that if one of them got sick or injured and had to go to Emergency, I would not be able to drive them and I have no one else I could turn to. That and the fact that AL was killing my body and my mind.

    Welcome Back and hope to see you again soon.
    New Birthday: May 8, 2010

    "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

    KO the Beast!!

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      #32
      My AF Journey Journal

      Hi HC-thank you so much for checking in even tho you're not feeling the best. Hey, we will support each other OK? Yep, I thought everything would instantly be fixed too when I stopped drinking. Big reality check but every day is better AF than hungover and now I have the strength to deal with the issues AL hid from me. We can do this!!
      New Birthday: May 8, 2010

      "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

      KO the Beast!!

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        #33
        My AF Journey Journal

        Day 9

        Busy Busy Busy!! Such a gorgeous day and I tried not to waste it. Up at 6, did some chores that sorely needed doing, got my nephew started on weeding and then off to school for graduation duties. After I got home I hung out with the boys in the yard for a bit then off to Lowes to get my dad part of his Father's Day gift before they ran out and a new deeper preformed pond so my accidental fishies can overwinter instead of having to bring them in and take care of 2 tanks. My only regret today was that I never took the boyz for a walk and I had that on my list. Snuggling isn't really a substitution now is it!!

        I've been sleeping pretty well lately so I'm hoping that when I wake up tomorrow sometime between 5 and 6 (I don't set the alarm anymore and I pull up the east side shade) I acutally get out of bed and take the boyz for a 20-30 min walk. Fingers crossed!!

        I felt pretty upbeat all day and cravings were minimal even tho I finished my errands well before the 5pm closing time so that is a good sign. I was acutally looking forward to my refreshing juice "spritzer" and could wait to get home to make it.

        Ate a nice supper that included a small salad and homemade Lasagna. Yummo!!
        Now I'm pretty much ready to turn in. Don't even know if I can stay awake to do some reading. Yippee!!
        New Birthday: May 8, 2010

        "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

        KO the Beast!!

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          #34
          My AF Journey Journal

          Have a good sleep Papmom! Sounds like you had a busy day and a great supper!

          Glad you are really enjoying the juice spritzer instead of AL.

          Great job on AF9. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and are able to get up at early for that walk!!
          I will be checking in on your thread tomorrow!
          Meech

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            #35
            My AF Journey Journal

            Sounds like a great day ! I am a bit envious. Keep up the good work.
            Sober since 4/8/10 -OVER 150 DAYS AND GOING AF!!!!

            Get busy livin or get busy dyin-Duane Peters
            No more bad future-Skull Skates

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              #36
              My AF Journey Journal

              Wow Papmom, You sound so upbeat, that's fantastic. I am really pleased things are turning around for you and you are heading in the right direction.
              I liked what you said about being sober in case your furkids needed you. That was one of my reasons to quit but for my nonfur kids. I used to wake at 3am also wondering whether they were in bed or if I had left them at football training again. As my son is 14 and getting out and about a bit more, I was always worried that if he needed me, I wouldnt be able to get to him. It did happen one night but luckily I had been asleep for a few hours and had just about slept it off. My son had an asthma attack and didnt have his meds with him so at 1.45am I had to go to the sleep over he was at and help him. Should have learnt then, but took me a few more years of drinking first!
              Pets are such a joy. We have two rescued kitties. The older one Tilly is a typical cat, very aloof and only gives you affection when she wants it. But Jimmy is so much like a dog. Really affectionate and loves company, eats and plays just like a dog (at the moment he is chasing his ball around the table... so cute). Sleep on my chest every night although that is going to have to stop as he is a ferrel cat and is going to be much bigger than a domestic cat. So if I want to be able to breathe thru the night I need to teach him to sleep next to me not on me.
              Anyway I am rambling and not saying anything of importance. So I will say goodnight and look forward to catching up with you tomorrow.
              Hi Sk8punk, Lemonhead and Meech. Hope you are all doing OK.
              Hipster
              I finally got it!
              "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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                #37
                My AF Journey Journal

                Papmom - I know what you mean about insomnia and waking up at 3:00. I actually was prescribed effexor (I took minimum dose) during perimenopause to deal with hotflashes and night sweats. Thank goodness that's over. By the way, I'm also 53 and should lose 40 pounds. I'm hoping to take advantage of my early wakeup and walk before it gets too hot. Sounds like you're doing well - the journal is a great idea.

                Lemonhead

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                  #38
                  My AF Journey Journal

                  Hi Papmom - Love your pic. I am really enjoying your journal and so glad that you have found some sleep! Glad to hear that things seem to be going better right now.
                  Our Kittens are 5 weeks old now. So cute! Going to have to find homes for them now. We have decided to keep 2 of them. We are letting Molly (our dog) decide which ones. She seems to have picked out her favorites.
                  "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                  ..........
                  AF - 7-27-15

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                    #39
                    My AF Journey Journal

                    Hey LH-I hate these 40 lbs!! Hate them hate them!! But I can't seem to get on track with what I put in my mouth-still craving sugar big time and junk food. Exercise is wicked hard to get in as well with my schedule. Buggers!!
                    New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                    "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                    KO the Beast!!

                    Comment


                      #40
                      My AF Journey Journal

                      DAY 10!!

                      Well I did it. Got up at 6am and took the dogs for a 20 min leisurely walk in the neighborhood. Unfortunately I've done something to the top of my foot which makes walking pretty painful but I just had to prove to myself that I could do it. Went for a more strenuous walk at lunch for about 20 min as well. Food still hurt but if I changed how I put weight on it it wasn't too bad. Not sure what I did but I do know what to do for it-just gotta do it!!
                      Picked up Seven Weeks to Sobriety from my library. Shocked to see that it was written 18 years ago!! I'm not sure if the information in it is still relevant but I'll give it a read and see what it's all about. I'm mostly interested in the food plan.
                      Getting very sleepy so its off to bed for me and da boyz.
                      New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                      "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                      KO the Beast!!

                      Comment


                        #41
                        My AF Journey Journal

                        Hi Papmom. Well done on day 10 and also on getting out and exercising. I just love those endorphins that are released after exercise. Walking is a good gentle way to go and I bet the boys enjoyed themselves too.
                        I havent read that book. You'll have to tell me how it was. Still havent finished Rational Recovery or Allan Carr's one... preferring to disappear into a fiction!
                        Keep up the hard work and I will check in again tomorrow.
                        HC xx
                        I finally got it!
                        "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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                          #42
                          My AF Journey Journal

                          Morning PapM and well done on the 10 days - feels like real time now again doesn't it! Good on you with the exercise - I find it very hard to do formal exercise it bores me to tears! My job is very mobile so I sort of get automatic exercise there but am on 2 weeks holidays so I reckon I'll have to get off the couch - damn!!!
                          Have a nice day
                          Molly
                          Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                          contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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                            #43
                            My AF Journey Journal

                            LOL Molly!! Vacation time is when I get the MOST exercise because I can do it on MY time! I love taking the boyz for long walks at places we've never been. This year I'm hoping to get to the ocean for a day before the season starts. One of my boyz loves being sprayed with water and playing with the hose. I'm dying to see if he will go into the surf. He's the only one I can let off lead as well so it should be a grand time.
                            HC-I got about half way through A. Carr's book and just couldn't take his ramblings and pyschotic rantings any more. I'm so sorry I actually bought the book but couldn't find it in my Library system anywhere. I also started Suzanne Somers book too but haven't gotten very far and now I have the Seven weeks!! I'm with you tho-I have 5 fiction books sitting on my bureau just dying to be read and I'd rather read those LOL!!
                            New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                            "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                            KO the Beast!!

                            Comment


                              #44
                              My AF Journey Journal

                              Morning Papmom.
                              I am one of these pathetic people who actually enjoy exercise! Nothing too strenuous like Meech who sounds like a super-woman. But I have always walked and go to the gym three times a week. I actually miss it if I dont do something every day. Have to admit though, it is so much easier without a hangover..... trying to workout with red wine seeping thru my pores was not fun! Nor was the way my stomach used to feel sometimes.... eeeewww!
                              I agree that Allan Carr rambles abit. I had to skip alot of it which I dont like doing but he did go on abit. Such a good sales technique (which wasnt needed as i had already bought the book). I will finish them both off but just need a bit of escapism at the moment.
                              Hope your sleeping is still getting better and the cravings are subsiding. The physical ones do go long before the mental ones. But I think the mental cravings are easier to handle as they are just habits.

                              Much prefer the one on one of your journal, so i am glad you started it - it's helping me too!
                              Take care and I will check in again later.
                              Hip
                              I finally got it!
                              "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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                                #45
                                My AF Journey Journal

                                PP3, I agree with you about Carr's book. He just goes on and on and simplifies the whole addiction thing. He rationalizes, and if it was so easy, we would just do it. Instead it is a combination of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual factors that all have to be managed and new habits learned. We basically have to retrain our very being to live differently. It is hard work. His attitude reminds me of Nancy Regan's "Just say No." Simplistic and kind of patronizing. Just my take on it, as I know others have been helped.

                                I am enjoying your journal, thanks for sharing.
                                Formerly known as redhibiscus

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